We ran away

If I could run away with him, I would do so in a heartbeat. If we could forget and ignore the disapprovals and dissatisfactions of the people around us, we would have done as we pleased. We could run away to Tahiti and be safe with the mountains in New Zealand, we would have done so. We want to be able to get the blessings because we are filial son and daughter. We want them to be happy because we are happy.

If I could run away with him, I would not hesitate nor look back. Fear and courage work opposite of each other but the contentment you feel when you make the right decision is like an unboundless energy coursing through your veins. We can never be too sure nor too unsure. We are just we are. Happy to be with each other. Sharing our fears and giving (en)courage(ment) to each other.

If I could run away with him, I would make sure that we would not need to keep on running away. We would settle and we would grow and we would make good people of our progeny. We would love and care and adore as much then as we are now. We would keep our faiths and trust in the people around us. We would not let them down as we often are from the people we ran away from. We will tell them they have the best love because ours is pure and genuine.

If I could run away with him, I would make him happy. With the last breath, I will make him laugh, I will make him love life as before. Before he lost his faith in it. The disillusion and the myriad facades of the people he trusted ruined what would have been the best time of our lives.

If I could run away with him, I would take him in the safety of my arms. To tell him that life's ain't all that bad. That there is that few glimmers of hope to look forward to. And when we are old and decrepit, we will always have the memories made. To be together until we die or to go our separate ways, is decided when we come to that fork in the road.

If I could run away with him, would I be given that chance ?

Merry Christmas

Good cheers and seasons greetings !

Have a good pub hol, ya'll. Another good pub hol's coming up in a week's time !

:D

Our Song :)

People have been asking me what's our song. Question, do we even need a song ? Hahahaha ... I'm not sure. But what I'm sure is that this song is our song for now. Right, Dear ?

The Way I Are - Timbaland

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Remember the time baby
Yeah, yeah

~ Timbaland ~
I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers
But together we could be the perfect soulmates
Talk to me girl

~ Keri Hilson ~
Oh
Baby, it's alright now
You ain't gotta flaunt for me
If we go touch
You can still touch my love, it's free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out til' we get it right

~ Chorus ~
Baby if you strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are
I'm about to strip and I'm well equipped
Can you handle me the way I'm are?

I don't need the G's or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are
Let me see ya strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like, I like, I like...

~ Timbaland ~
I ain't got no VISA
I ain't got no Red American Express
We can't go nowhere exotic
It don't matter 'cause I'm the one that loves you best
Talk to me girl

~ Keri Hilson ~
Oh
Baby, it's alright now
You ain't gotta flaunt for me
If we go touchYyou can still touch my love, it's free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out til' we get it right

~ Chorus ~
Baby if you strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are
I'm about to strip and I'm well equipped
Can you handle me the way I'm are?

I don't need the G's or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are
Let me see ya strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the wat you are

~ Rap Verse ~ D.O.E. ~
You know
Baby girl, I don't got a huge ol' house,
I rent a room in a house
Listen baby girl
I ain't got a motorboat,
But I can float your boat

So listen, baby girl
Once you get a dose of D.O.E
You gon' want some mo'
So listen, baby girl
When I'm naked I want you there,
Want you there, yeah.

Yeah my money and me loof like feel me them,
And it's realy not quite Louis Allason,
Your body ain't Pamela Anderson,
It's a struggle just to get you in the caravan,

But listen baby girl,
Before I let you lose a pound I'll buy a bigger car,
So listen baby girl,
I love you just the way you are, the way you are

~ Keri Hilson ~
Oh
Baby, it's alright now
You ain't gotta flaunt for me
If we go touchYyou can still touch my love, it's free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out til' we get it right

~ Chorus ~
Baby if you strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are
I'm about to strip and I'm well equipped
Can you handle me the way I'm are?

I don't need the G's or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are
Let me see ya strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the wat you are

~ Chorus ~
Baby if you strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are
I'm about to strip and I'm well equipped
Can you handle me the way I'm are?

I don't need the G's or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are
Let me see ya strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like, I like, I like...

You can call me Slap-Happy

I am sooooooo sleepy !!!! I had a good lunch with good company. Spent the remainder lunch hour reading the book I borrowed from the school library before continuing down here, in the office in the coldy atmosphere to work.

Earlier, Ian called me buncit when I was showing him the Polo-T Dear had given to me. A pink horizontal striped Polo-T that Dear received from his sister for his birthday. Pink is like so not his colour, he proclaimed. But honestly, his skin tone will match pink perfectly. Hahahahaha .... I am biased because pink is so my favourite colour !

Hahahaha ... I have a noticeable tummy now due to the unmissed meals. I "blame" Dear for that because he can be quite a "don't-miss-your-meals" Nazi !!! Meals for you ... Kinda like the "soup" Nazi in Seinfeld. No soup for you ...

Anyways, it's sooooooo quiet in here. Seems like the fun bunch of people are out and about doing fun things. Like spray painting the locker doors with red, blue and green. Though not all three colours on the same door. It's kinda like refurbishment of the old lockers to make them seem brand new. Which is a noble idea if there are willing workers ... And spray painting ... What a fun outlet for that pent up frustrations ! :D

I went to watch The Sky Crawlers with Dear last night. The movie received good reviews and I was kinda excited to catch it. The CGI effects were excellent because it was blended well with Japanese anime and "actual footage". It's a dual language movie, though most parts were spoken in Japanese. The times when they lapsed into English was when the pilots were communicating with each other over the radio. Overall, the pace of the film was pretty slow and a few instances during the film make you go "Huh?!?". Tolerable at times but because I was very tired and sleepy last night, I was a little lost. Most of the time I was just falling asleep on Dear's shoulders. Good thing I didn't snore, though Dear attested to the fact that I did. However, I did know that I did NOT snore !

After the movie, I crashed at Dear's place. :D So because of the fact that I had IPS (Interrupted Power Sleep), I am sooooooo sleepy right now. So. I'm gonna wash my face, brush my teeth and go for another cuppa of caffeine injection. Sounds good ?

*winks*

I cheat and I lie

I'll try 'til I die 'til I make you my man - said Dusty Springfield in I'll Try Anything.

Will I do that ? Hahaha ... Not bloody likely, 'mate !

I'm just talking about my postings on my weblog. The "cheat and lie" bit is for the post yesterday. I had wanted to post "real-time" using Dear's lap top but it went "missing" with his housemate who had gone back home.

So anyways.

We will make do with a "real-time" posting of yesterday's post. Hmmm ... Wait. I'm not making much sense here.

But you guys can do the following:

1) Scroll down to read yesterday's post.

:D

Office BBQ

All I can say was the most excellent chicken wing marinate. Thanks D !!!

To both Mr G and D, BBQ-ing and grilling the yummilicious spread, mucho, mucho gracias from the empty stomach. It was so delish that I had more than I should have. Hotdogs, chicken patties, wings and fish balls !!!

I'm currently stoned right now. Food intoxication. Gonna snooze at Dear's place until about midnight ... Then I will pop on home. Hahahaha ... This is provided I can be woken up !

Next official office food event:

STEAMBOAT DINNER !!!

:D

World AIDS Day

Oh mans, freak.

I am at a loss for words.

Let the day say for itself.

Read more here.

Where do I call home ?

I have been "hiding" in Dear's place for the past few days. I was supposed to have gone home Friday night but I got a little lazy. As usual, after a shower and a good dinner, I was just about ready to crash. I had so many big plans to meet Dear early Saturday morning for a spot of shopping, window shopping. Dear wanted to pop by Ikea and I needed to go dress shopping.

Dress shopping for the wedding dinners I'd promised I would attend. Oh wells, the first dinner is this coming Friday, for D's sister. I had wanted to get something new and nice to wear. I even thought of getting Mariam's friend and sister's help in looking for the dress. In the end, everything came to naught. I just got a little to lazy to organise anything. So no meet up, no dress shopping. Oh, feck it. I don't have the extra cash to splurge on that dress and shoes that will only see the back of my wardrobe once the dinner is done. Look at the dress I got for the Grad Dinner. Hmmm ... Come to think of it. Where is that dress ?

So anyways, I didn't go home nor did I call home. Ma must be worried. I wonder if she would send out a search party to try to see if my dead body turned up anywhere. I'm currently writing this away with pen and paper, waiting for the Dear to come back from his squash game. I would have left if not for the fact that Dear was pretty insistent on me staying over. Ah wells, he loves me anyways, so I mind not.

Had a little (little ? I think Dear would argue that fact ... ) tiff earlier in the day. Sha's wedding ceremony is on today, according to Fie. But knowing me and my petulant disposition just refused to text an address reply to Sha's text last month. Hence, I did not get an invitation card, so by default I am not invited. Fie asked me to come over anyways but I didn't want to "crash" the party ...

Dear wanted me to get over my silliness of being slighted for the solemnisation ceremony months earlier but I can't. I simply can't put aside the feelings of being told only after the whole ceremony is over. Ah wells ... No worries there. Got into a tiff with the Dear over an event I didn't even want to attend. So in the end I just got Fie to "kirim" on my behalf.

Now, now ... Where is the Dear ? He was supposed to only have gone for an hour of squash game. Time check, almost 5.30 pm. After this, I am so reading my book. Borrowed a fantastic piece of fiction from the school library. Who would have guessed ?

I had a fantabulous time with the Dear yesterday. We started the day late. We had chicken rice for lunch after skipping breakfast because we were just lazing in bed and talking about stuff. We couldn't decide where to go first and what to do. Eventually I scrapped the idea of dress shopping, and headed straight to Ikea after lunch. What a fantastic place ! Dear spent ages just browsing through things and looking (more like drooling over) at things we couldn't afford to buy. Just a typical afternoon spent like a newly married couple. Good feelings. We can make this work. He wants to buy things and I would go round and say, "No money". Just a perfect repertoire between "newly married" couples, no ? Right.

We got a few items and spent close to a hundred bucks on those items. A huge bag of stuff ! And then we went nuts on the cream spread. We popped by Anchorpoint for a spot of dinner (chicken ! KFC !) before popping by Cold Storage for some grocery shopping. Dear had it in his head to make "Commando" for me. Ah wells, who am I to disagree on that ?

Done with all those things, my intention is to go on home. Right. Dear's home it was. So here I am. Still waiting for the Dear to arrive home. Dear, come home. I miss you !

~ Friday I'm In Love - The Cure ~

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Oh, Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love

Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...

I don't care if Mondays black
Tuesday, Wednesday - heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It's Friday, I'm in love

Monday, you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed
Or Thursday - watch the walls instead
It's Friday, I'm in love

Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...

Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It's Friday, I'm in love

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love

Hey, hey ... Home again !

If not for Dear's networking session, I would have totally crashed out on his bed, typing away on his computer and scoffing at the first episode of "Don't Forget The Lyrics", Singapore style.

As a result of Dear's networking session, I am now totally crashed on my bed, typing away on my computer and scoffing at the first episode of "Don't Forget The Lyrics", Singapore style.

Right. Hit the showers and crash very soon. I'm hungry but I'm just too plain lazy to eat. How can you be too lazy to eat ? Well. You just are. Sloth and gluttony shalt never come together !

Hah !

Happy 8th Month Anniversary, Dear !

To claim victorious, albeit sporadically

When you hit a high, the crash hits you back like a jackhammer through your skull. Rest for the rest of the wounded is the best of 'em all. You can knock out the percentage of the pain but you can never eliminate the rest of the hurt that cuts deep. So when you are careful enough to avoid the pain, by all means go for it. Knock yourselves out ...

And Mommy said ...

From the mouth of Mothers.

"So you are staying over now since his mother has left ? So clever, I know that tactic. How about clothes and other stuff ? At least you were polite enough to stay away while his mother was here ..."

It's PAY DAY !!!!

~ Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis ~

Lyrics | Leona Lewis lyrics - Bleeding Love lyrics

Happy Helena

It's no secret that happiness for Hel is a tie in with the excitement in her love life. Where there is love in her life, Hel will be happy. I'm sure it's the same for you, my dear readers. So in light of the love shown by the love of my life, I am happy.

Hahaha ... I know, I know ... In this day and age, women are liberated and they don't need a man to make and keep them happy. Ahaha ... If I am like half of those women, the world, or rather his world, would be a much more peaceful place to be in ...

Shoot !

I have nothing to write. Just posting for the heck of it. Buzz me for topics. BTW, Fie, did you reply to Sha's text regarding her request for your address to send her wedding invite ? Is it over already ???

Cough, cough, ack ...

It's disgusting to cough out the stupid phelgmy thing nested so deep in your bronchi. You keep trying to cough out the nasties and you are successful for a bit and then it starts again. Again and again it starts. The phelgmy disgusting thing just refuses to go away no matter how much you bargained with it to leave you alone. To let you have that little peace in your miserable life. So the phelgmy thing conceded finally. I'll give you peace when you sleep. Hahahaha ... You don't have to cough and hurt your chest and head trying to get rid of me. Just sleep, oh dear one. And if you want eternal peace, then you go on ahead and have an eternal sleep.

Boyfriendless and disgustingly sick this weekend. Well, it could be fact that I'm boyfriendless hence that's why I'm disgustingly sick. Or perhaps because I'm disgustingly sick that the Dear one decided to stay away. We've been talking on the phone these past two days but Dear one did not even thought of popping by to see the disgustingly sick one. So now the disgustingly sick one is sulking. I was badgering the Dear one to come and meet me last night after his and my dinner thing and he said his Ma is badgering him to apply for jobs. Fair enough. So I told him to meet me after the applications and he refused. He said he was tired. Well, granted I was badgering him to do so just before 10 pm. He could quickly finished up his thing and pop by for a short visit but no, he refused.

Today I was supposed to do the "date" thing with him and his Ma but because of the stupid phelgmy thing, I thought better then to present my disgustingly sick side to his Ma as a first impression. Dear was badgering me regarding the meet up; telling me that in sickness and in health, but that is a promise between us. Never with his Ma. So I begged off.

So it got me to thinking of that phrase and so I texted the Dear one and asked him if it did cross his mind to pop by and visit me when I was complaining about how my coughing hurt both my chest and head. I guess you know his answer. Hence, the reason for my ranting online. And the reason I'm sulking. And the reason the rain came down hard.

So anyways, I'm still sulking and waiting for the Dear one to call me. He went out with his Ma to the Botanic Gardens earlier. When it was raining heavily. Hmmmm ... I wonder if he realised why.

Nuts over nuts

I'm so getting a scolding from the Dear one. I'm coughing my throat out. I refused to see the doctor when Dear advised me to. And to top it all, I'm munching on nuts. For lunch.

Spicy cashew Dear got from back home, spicy broad beans and salted peanuts Dear bought the other time when we went grocery shopping just because I wanted to. I have finally opened all the packets and mixed the nuts together. Mixed nuts ... Mmmmm ....

I'm coughing though. Not a good sign for the flu. On the plus point, the coffee I promised myself I stay away from is doing its job. The influx of caffeine to the system is nothing short of bliss. All my body aches and tiredness and sleepiness is a thing of the past.

I'm well and rejuvenated, damn it !

*coughs*

(In a small voice) Although, I've increased the frequency of coughing ...

Self denial, regrets and one second resolution

I can't do it. I cannot be a tough bitch on my Dear. It's just not possible. It's not natural. I am a woman who cares and loves too deeply. And that is the whole sad truth of the life as a mad, psychotic, tough as nails wannabe woman. Well, I keep thinking girl, but the thing is, I ceased being a girl the minute I hit the twenties.

So anyways, Dear and I had a bit of talking earlier. Argument ? Discussion ? Rhetorical monologue ?

The main thing is, I wanted to be tough. I wanted Dear to know to shape up or ship out. I wanted me to be less clingy and dependent. I wanted me to find other pursuits to occupy my time. I wanted to not want to demand too much of Dear's time and affections. But.

I can't do it. Tough as nails wannabe woman, deflated the second she hung up the phone. Hearing Dear's sad voice was my own undoing. I still want my Dear. I still desperately want him in my life. So.

What comes of that ? I must be tolerant and patient and kind and all things nice.

I need coffee. I need to be well. I need to want to meet Dear's Ma; objections, reluctance, unhappiness and all.

Dear, call me to arrange for tomorrow's "date" after reading this post.

Lump, bump and the whole shebang of my love life

I discover a lumpy, bumpy thing just below my right pit. There is a slight protrusion of flesh, not of pimply size nor look. When it is depressed, it seemed to stem from deeper than the epidermis. I'm thinking it could be just a swelling of the lymph nodes, you know since I've just got the flu and all. However, the thing about the lumpy, bumpy thing is that I felt it a few weeks ago while I was lazing in bed with Dear. I got Dear to feel it too and he told me to have it checked out. I told him, it happens to me quite frequently and it could just be an infection or just swelling when I pull out my pit hairs (Oops ... A little bit disgusting, please don't barf out your meal !).

Personally, I'm not worried. Me, with my hypochondriac tendencies would usually diagnose all sorts of illnesses / diseases where there are none. Then again, you who don't know me from Adam, would think I am making things up just to spice up my boring weblog. Well, as a matter of fact, those of you who know me personally might think I'm doing that too !! Hahaha ...

Anyways, I'm experiencing a downturn in my love life. It's got me questioning everything and everyone I believe in. Shall I pour out the sad bits and give you my two cents bit of perspective on the whole issue ? Or shall I just bear and grin it every time I am sad and put up a happy facade on this page ?

What I know for sure is to find out the level of commitment I have towards my relationship with Dear. The level of commitment Dear has towards our relationship. Whether or not we will allow a third party to come in the way of our happiness and life together.

You know, as I come towards the end of this post tonight, I feel like I should stay away from the bad things and thoughts. Until I do that, perhaps I might never find the happiness I so crave with a special someone. Maybe I am just afraid of the good things that come my way and so I purposely try to screw things up. So I can moan and groan and lament on this weblog. A sad existence of truth if that is to happen. Maybe there is no such thing as love and happiness in this world. Maybe the machines are making us think we feel that when we are just hooked up on a life support system where our dreams and subconscious minds mingle to create a universal truth. Maybe I am just dreaming that I am posting this. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, it's still the Saturday before Dear's Ma is in town. Maybe what had happened these past two weeks are flash forwards so I will learn my lesson and not repeat the events.

Maybe I need to see the doctor tonight, because I sure don't sound quite right up there. Hahahaha ... If only ...

Luck, luck, luck ...

For the Dear just for your exams.



As I've mentioned it this morning when he was asking me to wish him luck since last evening; he doesn't need luck.

He has me !

*grins*

Umie turns 29 !!

My Eldest Sister turns 29 years old today. The sister who is the leader of the pack. The one who explored, experimented and tested my parents' limits. The one who's a mother of four adorable and hmmmmm ... Precocious kids. The one who always provided a listening ear to Ma. The champion of freelancing ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER !!!

We'll have our celebration this coming weekend. :D

It's been a while since we last got together. I missed those Fridays and Saturdays where us sisters got together and just hang out.

Bless be your life. May the joys of what is in store for you be reveal to your delight.

Have a good one, Sis ! :D

Bingeing on nuts and chocs

I'm feeling a tad bit blearghhh ... So the next best alternative is to consume massive amounts of nuts and chocolates. Nuts for the good B complex vitamins. Chocolates, just because I can.

I wanted to meet up with Dear after work. He was home cramming for his exams which will be done on Thursday. I was willing to meet him at his bus stop for a short while because I have not seen his hide for the past 4 days.

Hence, on the way out of the office, I rang Dear to ask if he was on his break and if he was willing to meet me at the bus stop. He said no and no. Wow ...

I was totally speechless so after a few beats of silence, I said okay and goodbye. So I walked to the bus stop nearby and as soon as I reached there, my bus service arrived. Got on the bus and psyched myself to just head on home quietly.

Honestly, I was disappointed by his response to my wanting to meet up. Was it so unreasonable for me to want to meet my Dear ? Even if he didn't miss me an iota, I do miss him. Was it a crime to indulge me in my whim to meet him for just a short bit ? I'm not asking him to stay for an hour or two. Just mere minutes while he was on his break from study time.

I felt the buzzing of my mobile, took it out to check and saw a text from Dear asking which bus stop I wanted to meet him. I rang him to inform that I had boarded a different bus home so I told him to forget it. I told him I had planned to meet him at the bus stop just outside his place. But because he said no, I didn't want to insist and press the issue. He said his Ma walked in when I called earlier and was asking if he was studying. A short phone call, I ended and fumed.

Dear called again while I was walking to the next bus stop for my connecting express service. I missed his call and returned it after reaching the bus stop, a few minutes later. Dear wanted to chat while he was out getting some stuff downstairs. And when I called back, he's back home and so couldn't talk. Wow ...

Talk about disappointment and being crestfallen. Not even scraps of affection at this period of time. Dear's Ma is here and I'm pushed aside. Yesterday, I wanted Dear to deliver and have lunch with me and he was reluctant to do so because his mother will nag him. Actually I was not serious about it. If he had said okay I would have told him I was just kidding. I just wanted him to be willing to do it.

*sighs*

So I got pissed at him again last night. Honestly I tell you, I can't even compete there. One lesson I learnt from this. Never try to come between Mom and Son. Especially so if he's the only and youngest son of the family. Don't even entertain the idea of competing for his affections there. He kept saying he loves me and yet the way he acts sometimes just doesn't feel to me like he genuinely loves me. And he is puzzled why I doubt him.

*sighs*

I know this is a super long post and a damn boring one too. I'm just feeling frustrated and despondent over Dear's actions. I'm not asking him to rebel or argue or even fight with his Ma. I just needed to see him for a bit, that's all. He kept asking me to be strong. Everytime I act out, he asked why do I always treat him coldly or get pissy with him.

ARRRRGGGHHHH .... !!!!

Why can't he see that sometimes I just needed to hear the right words from him ? That I want him to reassure me that I am an important part of his life. That sometimes he shouldn't ask me to keep quiet just because he receives a call from his folks. I mean if we are hanging out at his place and his folks call at an hour where it's not decent to entertain guests, then I understand I need to be shushed. But during dinner time ? Even while we are outside ? To ask me to pipe down ? And then I get moody and he becomes glum and asks me why I treat him so.

It's just the consideration I'm asking for. I asked him if he would behave the way I did if he was in my shoes. And he said he would definitely not react the way I do. Getting angry irrationally. Hunh ... Easy for him to say that. Being in my shoes, living my life, feeling and thinking the way I do, I challenge you to not react the way I do.

So anyways. There is no point harping over this. I'm getting so used to being left like this. It feels like a punishment to me that just because Dear had to cram for his exams and his Ma is around to make sure he did, I cannot even meet him for a bit. And he asks me why I treat him the way I did.

*sighs*

Honestly. I'm tired of getting into an argument with him every time he sidelined me. Of thinking awful thoughts and crying my heart out. Of wishing me dead so I can get that bit of attention from Dear. At the end of the day, Dear would always rationalise that he chose to be with me in spite of the objections from his folks and doesn't that count for the fact that he loves me.

Well, yeah. Jolly good then, because that really makes me feel soooooooo special and treasured.

Mood: Morose

~Alone~ - Heart

I have this track on repeat mode on my iPod this morning. I've been playing this since I left the house earlier. It's so classic 80's rock with the slow start and the clashing and clanging of the drums after the first minute. The song lyrics resonate when I'm feeling blue after being left by the Dear one.

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Ohh, I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight,
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Ohh yea, yea

Till now, I always got by on my own,
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone, alone

Of puffy eyes and all

I asked myself these questions numerous times. Am I really in love with him or is it just mutual lust on our part ? Could it be just the comfortable camaraderie we just have with each other that is a natural progression for us to get together ? If he were to say enough is enough, would I walk away with my heart unscathed ?

Mulling this over and over for the past couple of days, I am very sure of my answers.

Darling, I am indeed in love with you. Yes, I do lust after your hot bod. But I will still respect you in the morning. For me, without the love, there is no point in the lusting. Without the love, you are just a caricature of a guy in my life.

I am comfortable in our relationship. We started out as friends and you are a true friend to me. Sometimes I may not show you how true friends behave but you have always believed in me. You are the person I trust with my life. You are my best friend and I am so glad that we realised early enough for us to be mates for life.

My heart will not survive should you decide to leave me for good. I love you. Heart and soul, I do.

Shoot ... Bang ... Bang

I have just finished reading a collection of Peanuts. It was the collection of when Linus started speaking and Lucy was teaching him about things. About life in general as an elder sister is wont to impart knowledge to her younger siblings. Then there was the bullying part as older sibs are supposed to be. It's part and parcel of life. Of being the numero uno.

One strip even had Linus saluting to Lucy every time she passes by because he's just a Private. Reading about Charlie Brown and even Snoopy makes me feel hmmm ... Broody. I wondered what my kids will be like in the future ?

Will they be like Ayu, precocious and smart ? By the way, Ayu came in 17th overall in her Primary 1 Level of 135 students. She even scored the highest in Malay, medal and certificate included. I am so proud of my darling girl.

I never thought I would be with someone, who would want to marry me. Make an honest woman out of me. Someone who thinks I can be a good wife and mother. Someone who want me to have his babies. I never even thought I would ever be married. I remember a while back, I told my Ma that if I am not married by 35, she is free to matchmake me if she wants me to be married. I would not complain and I would not resist.

Then he came into my life. He made his presence known and I am a goner. Every day that I don't spend time with him, is a day wasted. Yup, my readers. Girl power be damned ! I want to be with my man !

So.

To my future kids, I love your dad and I am most happy to have you guys around in our life.

Truths, half truths and lies

If I am not happy, how can I make someone else happy to be with me ? I feel like I bring everyone down with my negativity. My intense dislike of certain behaviour and my constant need to be petted and liked. For me, it's either all or nothing. You're either in or you're out. There is no way I can accept the in between.

Thinking about it, I guess it stemmed partly from the fact that I am the middle child. My eldest sister is favoured by Dad and the youngest by Mom. As a result, I am always fighting for scraps of affection from both. It's only recently when both sisters are married and have started their own family that I am living like an "only child". Hence, I'm having a bit problems of adjusting to my new "environment".

After years of being left to my own devices, suddenly I am smothered with affection, care and concern. It doesn't help that my bf doesn't show as much as I think he should. So there it is. Once in a while I am marked by excessive sensitivity and impulsive mood change. In not so many words. Temperamental.

No eye contact

I've just realised this.

Next week, I will not see Dear for one whole week ! :(

Sad week indeed ...

I need junk food. I need it now ! :(

Cheat !

So I got the new washing machine and it was supposed to come with $70.00 vouchers to be used at Giant or Cold Storage. So I received the vouchers at the same time the machine was delivered.

So last night, when I reached home after a jaunt at Mustafa Centre with Ma, I looked through my vouchers. Imagine my incredulity. The vouchers were dated to have been issued in September 2008 and are valid for 6 months. Well, hello. Something's not right here.

I bought the machine in November and with the vouchers issued in September, I have missed out 2 months of shopping. Hello, cheat. I was quite puzzled so I called Courts Customer Service line. The lady on the line told me that she cannot handle my case and need to check with her delivery people and will get them to call me tomorrow, i.e today.

All right, that sounds reasonable. So earlier, I received a call from them and stated my case. They have the cheek to say that someone else had the same problem. Well, hello. Cheat, surely that means it's a problem, no ? Other people can accept the backdated vouchers but not me.

She told me that the vouchers will be considered valid 6 months from the date of delivery. Well, hello. It's not stated on the vouchers, idiot ! If I had gone to any of the shops to redeem the vouchers, they would just look at the stamped issue date, which was September 2008. So, I have to spend by February 2009, no ?

So I said I needed some proof to indicate that the vouchers would be valid beyond Feb 2009 as I bought the item in November 2008. So the CS Officer to me that she will check with her Marketing Department and get back to me. So, wait I will.

Guess another thing that irked me ? Yesterday, when the new machine was delivered, they delivery guys were supposed to help discard the old machine. And guess what ? The OM, hoping to make a quick buck stopped the guys from taking the old machine. So now, it's still sitting in the kitchen, taking up space and becoming an eyesore. Honestly, I wonder how the karung guni will buy the old machine. If they would even want to buy !

Bright and early

But not so cheery.

I'm moody. One minute I'm up and happy and the next I can be a complete cow. And the person who bears the brunt of the bitchy side of me is usually my dear. Poor fella.

Mucho, mucho make up to be done once he's finito with his exams. If ever that time comes and I'm not moody.

So anyways, I'm gonna be taking some time off this afternoon. My Ma's going for her gastro appointment in the afternoon. So after lunch, I will vamoosed outta the hellhole. Okay, I'll be nice. I'll leave my life-shortening place, which sucks up more than 8 hours of my life each day.

*sighs*

Ah, another Monday ...

My washing machine broke down ! So yesterday, after arriving home with a load of dirty laundry, I was hoping to clear I found out the machine was down and out ! BUMMER !!!!

Stinking clothes had to remain that way for a few days. Ma was asking if we should repair the machine or just buy a new one. We had repaired the old one a few times but I think that it was pointless to keep repairing so I opted to buy a new one.

So off to Courts we went in the late afternoon. Browsed for a bit because I couldn't decide on one. The one I wanted, Fisher & Paykel was too darn expensive for a load of 7.5 kg only. We finally decided on a Sanyo machine. Looked spiffy and can handle an 8.5 kg load. Not too bad in my books.

The machine could be delivered only on Tuesday, after I had spent mucho, mucho of moolah on it. Irritating, no ?

Anyways, my Ma hand washed some of my clothes. Such a pampered, girl no ? *winks*

I'm exhausted. First day of exile from my Dear. :(

Black Sunday

The start of the self imposed exile of my presence in Dear's life. How shall I spend my nights for the next two weeks ? Will I tear out my hair in boredom ? Will I kick up a fuss and create problems where there are none ?

I think it had started. My tantrums had just started this morning. I spent the past two nights with Dear and this morning he had to be up super early because his Ma is arriving at 6 am.

Dear slept late, cleaning up his room to make sure it's presentable when his Ma arrives. Cleaned out all evidence of his roommate; i.e. me. And I was grumpy. I'm sorry, Dear. I am feeling neglected, as always when you are on your mission only you can settle.

So Dear sent me home on his way to the Airport. Heman was kind and thoughtful enough to loan his car to Dear to pick up his Ma. He even passed the car and keys and all the day before. Sitting in the passenger seat in the wee hours of the morning in the rain, I felt guilty for my tantrum earlier. I'm sorry for the kindey behaviour. Please don't forget me in the two weeks, yeah ?

*hugs*

Our last days

Well.

Dear's mother will be popping down SGP for a couple of weeks from tomorrow morning. So for two weeks while he studies for his exams, his mother will take care of him. Pampered, eh ?

This is the life of the girlfriend of a mom's boy. I will try to be understanding, I will try not to act up too much. But it's difficult when you know that for two whole weeks, there will be no dating.

*sighs*

Now we are waiting for dinner to arrive. The pizzas were supposed to arrive right about now but still the delivery guy's nowhere in sight. Perhaps he had eaten the pizzas with his cronies ? Hahahaha ... That would be so unprofessional of them.

Right then. Dear's getting a bit beary and growlly. I'm getting a bit hot on the bum sitting on this hard chair. Will pop over to the cushiony side then.

Talk later ...

Dinner - Ellen's style

So we debated the place to go to the best part of yesterday. A few ideas such as The Carousel was thrown up. The unavailability of the place caused more ideas. Until finally it was down to a couple of places.

The final result ? Fish & Co at The Lourve.

Yay !!!

Dinner's on the Boss tonight for Ellen's farewell. So sad to see her go. So glad to know she'll be happy.

Well.

Everyone's got to leave some time, no ?

Her last's official working day will be next Tuesday. I wish her all the best and joy always. :D

Max Payne

We went to the cinema to catch May Payne. The movie started out well. Mark Wahlberg was well ... Marky Mark. Visual candy as usual. The story line was all right and the main actress was hmmm ... Ass kicking ? Interesting concept of the main twist of the plot. I liked it.

But the ending ? A little, d'oh ! In the words of Homer Simpson. I was a little disappointed that the ending was not done as well as it should have been. The clip after the end of the credits hinted that there might be a sequel but then knowing Mark Wahlberg. He don't do sequels. So no more Max Payne.

Overall, it was not too "painful" to watch that movie. I enjoyed the dinner and the popcorn and the waiting of the bus home with Dear.

*hugs*

Counselling is needed

Help needed.

Some doctor for the mind will do.

Application is still open.

Approval granted if applicant is pleasing.

Convincing may be required to accept advices.

Good luck.

Yay ! A ray of hope ...

I did not sleep over last night. Instead, I was being such a good girl, I left just after midnight. So I reached home at a decent hour. :)

All this in light of the fact I am gonna be staying over this coming weekend !

Okay, Dear had been telling me that my second home had been upgraded to first home now. Previously, my second home is his place but recently, it's gone to be my first home !!! Dear was contemplating moving into the bigger room in his apartment because of my upgraded status. :D

Hehehe ... wicked, eh ? *winks*

Oh, grant me the wisdom

It's Monday, yet another work week has begun.

Grant me the patience to deal with "interesting" colleagues.

Grant me the ability in "tai-chi-ing" additional work loaded by my "supportive" boss.

Grant me the wisdom to keep my trap shut to prevent WWIII.

Peace out ...

Lunch !

It was good. It was yummy. Dear is such a ... Hmmmm ... Dear ... ?

Hehehe ... We thoroughly enjoyed the spread. Not too hot and spicy, just perfect. Dear was panicking a little because he was not done cooking when the first guests arrived. However, by the time every one was there, the food was just nicely served with a round of good cheer.

We even had seconds ! After lunch, we had ice cream and grapes and spent the time chatting about stuff. Work stuff, personal stuff. We even showed off our rings ! *grins*

Right. Okay I'm actually writing this on paper. I might need to transfer this later when I can get my hands on a computer and post properly.

I would say, our first lunch do as a couple was a success. We should do this more often, right Dear ?

*winks*

SAT Exams

Again, I am writing this while waiting for the SAT Exams to be done. I'm surprised that it's a smaller group this month. Less than 250 candidates. However, looking at the numbers of the Standby Test Takers, it should be all right. Smaller group means easier to handle, no ?

It's November already and I am no closer to getting another job. Why am I putting off the search ? I mean, you guys are probably tired of my moaning and groaning of the unfair work practices. I am tired of it myself. So I must start to be more serious in my search, no ?

*sighs*

So many FTs in my company. So little they realised that. So much of my bitching.

*sighs*

On the plus point. It's Saturday ! I can spend the whole day with dear ! We are going shopping later for the lunch tomorrow. Dear wanted to cook for a few people in the office. It will be our first lunch hosting as a couple. I'm pretty excited and psyched up. :D

Happy Halloween !!!

Well, not much of a celebration here. It's sunny Singapore after all and there is no such thing as Autumn here. Just rain or shine.

Anyways, I will be crashing at Dear's place tonight. I was thinking of perhaps not to do that but I am just too bummed to wake up at 4 am to trek back West when I could use that hour's journey snuggling up with Dear.

It's the SAT Exams tomorrow you see ...

Kickstart ...

Jump cables needed to kickstart the unmotivated heart and mind. Please bear in mind of the possibility of electrocution. Life insurance's not purchased, hence no payouts will be issued should participant not be able to live.

Motivation for the unmotivated

I am in serious doom and gloom. As mentioned earlier, I had rejected the offer of a "promotion" in my office. The reason is simple. I have lost heart in the place I "served" for eight hours, five days a week and seven years long.

When we talk about the seven-year itch does it include your passion for the work place ? I love my work. I love the job I do. I love interacting with the kids in school. It's just that the people I work for is making me feel so. Hmm ... What's the word ?

Unmotivated.

Sian.

Pissed off.

Demoralised.

Sometimes it helps

I was listening to my iPod on the way to work today. As usual, I kept my playlist to shuffle songs. And for the record, I have over 800 songs on my iPod so the play of each song is completely random.

I was thinking of him and our misunderstandings and miscommunications and lo and behold, this song came up. :D

Divine intervention ? Perhaps I should not have the "talk" I'd planned to have last night ? Here goes this wonderful song. Meaningful and hmmm ... Informative ?

~Barry Manilow - It's All In The Game~

(Carl Sigman and Charles Gates Dawes)

[Originally by Tommy Edwards]

Many a tear has to fall
But it's all in the game
All in the wonderful game
That we know as love
You have words with him
And your future's looking dim
But these things
Your hearts can rise above

Once in a while he won't call
But it's all in the game
Soon he'll be there at your side
With a sweet bouquet
And he'll kiss your lips
And caress your waiting fingertips
And your hearts will fly away

Soon he'll be there at your side
With a sweet bouquet
Then he'll kiss your lips
And caress your waiting fingertips
And your hearts will fly away

I *heart* YOU !!

Hey you, with the crazy girlfriend

I'm sorry. I should not have gone cold nor get pissed for no reason. I should have been more understanding, I should have given you the allowance to make the contact when you are more available. I'm sorry for being too demanding on your time, making it accountable to me. I could have been the one to call instead of waiting for your calls, getting angry and disappointed when the calls don't come in.

Thank you for your tolerance at my behaviour. Thank you for letting me get away with all these nonsense. This is happening way too frequently for your peace of mind. As I've said before, I don't know when I can cease this petulant, pre-school behaviour. Maybe eventually it will stop or maybe the occurrences may not happen that frequently. I don't know. Will you stick around to find out ? Will I eventually prove to you that I'm worth sticking around for ?

All I know is that you are the good thing that came round my life this year. Thank you so much for your presence in my life. You know how much I feel for you. Sometimes, it may seem that I don't really care for your feelings but that was mainly because I am reacting to my own insecurities.

Happy Seventh Month Anniversary, Dear.

I *heart* YOU !

Hello, my name is Mopey ...

And I'm not a happy camper.

Dear called earlier in the day yesterday, and I explained to him of my stupid call barring and he laughed. Anyways, we spoke for a short bit while he was at the hospital and then again later while he was waiting for his dad. He told me that someone had come asking his parents of his availability and eligibility ! Goodness ! Was I wrong in my reluctance to let him go home, even though I did not express it to him directly ? Anyways, I cannot tell him not to go, right ? I cannot tell him to ignore his family obligations, right ?

I texted him afterwards in all my koyak English glory. Just as a reminder of who he'd left behind here. I tried to clear my mobile texts for the month of July and I contemplated continuing with August but got side tracked by my winning streak in "Free Cell".

Staring at the computer screen almost the whole day (waiting for Dear to come on MSN), I developed a headache. So after binging on junk food, I slept early without any dinner. A pretty nondescript day in all, my Saturday.

Today.

I woke up at nine plus with a pounding head, slept too long, too much sugar and not enough water the night before, and the stress of not being able to call Dear. So anyways, went about my way, showered and stuff and guess who called while I was showering ? Dear, of course. So I tried calling back and miracle ! I got connected except that Dear did not answer ! Yay ! My call barring had been lifted ! I was so happy and then Dear called back and spoke for less than a minute.

Dear called to say that he had to be at the temple for most of the day until perhaps 3 or 4 pm, my time. We spoke for less than a minute before he had to go. I was elated than sadness overcame me because I thought we could chat for a bit more. So I composed myself and told myself I'll talk to him later.

So I waited for 3 pm to come. I read Saturday's papers. I watched a little tv. I cleaned out my underwear drawer. 3 pm came, finally. Still no phone call from Dear. Perhaps he's online then. So I logged on the computer and MSN and hmmm ... No Dear. Maybe 4 pm then. So I wasted a bit more time playing "Spider Solitaire" and "Free Cell" and updating of my posts.

Time check ? 6.03 pm. No phone call, no Dear online. Pissed and angry and disappointed. Don't make me a promise if you cannot keep to it.

Now, I'm just sad and teary. I hate myself for waiting and anticipating his calls when obviously he's busy with other things.

Right.

I'm gonna sit in my corner and bawl.

Thank you, Dear.

Calls Barred

I'm frustrated !

Dear called a couple of times earlier and I missed his calls. So I tried to call him back by checking out my IDD options and finally saw the most affordable one. All in vain because in the end I realised that all my international calls are barred. No wonder I can't call out to Mariam the other time !

I called up the Customer Service guys a few times earlier and was told that my international calls service was deactivated because when I signed up my mobile line, I was below 21 years old. As such, their policy is that no international call service is not available to all under 21 registrants and pre-paid customers. But I'm freaking 27 years old now !!!

Well apparently, my service provider did not "activate" that service automatically even though I'd reached 21 and above. I have to call in to inform them to do so. No wonder even though I had subscribed to "Pay-As-You-Roam" service, I did not receive any overseas network when I cross the Causeway ! It's so dumb !!!

I called another number to check if the overseas line was okay and connecting and it was. The nice CS officer advised me to inform the other CS officer of our findings and to check if there are other ways to deactivate the call barring on my mobile. I checked my mobile and it turns out that I can deactivate call barring but the default password I used was "Not Allowed". I tried so may different permutations of password I can remember and all I got was "Not Allowed".

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-N-G !!!

So I'd called the other CS officer to deactivate my call barring for international calls and he told me that it takes one working day. Considering that I called on a Friday night and Saturday does not count as a working day and Monday being a Public Holiday, the earliest I can start calling overseas is on Tuesday !!! What's the point then, since that is the day Dear is back in SGP ?!?

Anyways, I have my own self to blame. Stupid woman, should have checked the Terms and Conditions carefully. Honestly, I've tried looking through their website but there is no information I can find online for me to call to deactivate call barring. *sighs*

No Dear to complain to ... I'm sad, mopey ... Stupid long holiday ...

Not a good one

The visit to the doc was not a good one today. Ma had to go with the insulin jabs because her blood sugar level is still not being well controlled. She can't be put on more tablet drug prescription because her liver enzymes function is still out of whack. So the only answer is for her to get additional insulin through injections.

I feel so hapless and useless because I think all this can be prevented if I had been more vigilant. If I had enforced more on the proper and correct diet. If only I had been a good enough daughter to monitor my Ma's food intake. All the "Ifs" is pointless now because as everyone knows, once you are on insulin jabs, there is no going back.

I wish I had Dear around to run to and to confide in. I wish I had his arms around me to hug me with him telling me that everything will turn out all right. That everything happens for a good reason. That I should be glad that Ma's condition is still not that bad as medications are still available to her.

I'm not a good person. Perhaps that's why all my bad karma affects my family. *sighs*

I'm not feeling too good. Sick in the heart, sick in the stomach, sick in the head. And yet, I try to present a happy facade. Somehow, I know someone has to be the strong one. Why does it always fall on me to be strong one ?

A Birthday Shout Out ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAVITHA !!!

I wish all the joy and happiness to you in every waking moment of your life. I'm sorry all you've got from me is a lousy card after all these years of special gifts you'd given. The most special of all is your unfailing friendship. I love you !

May all your wishes and hopes and dreams be realised soon. Take care of your health and smile always. Cheers 'mate !

Slept over

I slept over Dear's place last night. I did not even go home in the wee hours of the morning because 1) I have no cab money for the ungodly hour taxi ride home; 2) I'm on leave tomorrow; 3) I have a change of clothes at his place; 4) I did not spend the night on Tuesday and 5) Dear's last day before he goes back home.

Yeah, I was trying to maximise my time with Dear before spending the whole weekend with him on another part of the equator. I know. I know. Sad, I know.

Honestly, I don't know how I will cope this time round that he's gone and left me for more than 2 days. I think I can handle a couple of days without seeing him as long as I know he's on the same island. But five days, him on another island ? I don't know mans.

Yeah, I know he'd gone for a longer period in April but we had just started going out then and I was able to cope without him around all the time. But seven months on ? *sheesh* I really don't know. Good thing it's only five days. Imagine a two week break from seeing each other everyday. *sighs* I'm such a girl.

So anyways, I'll be seeing Dear off at the airport tonight. His flight's after midnight so after work, will pop over his place to help him pack and stuff. Cook something simple for dinner and have a little bit of snuggle or cuddle time if possible.

Right.

I'll log off now before you guys throw up your lunch ...

*winks*

Take 1 before food and another 4 after food

I'm stoned !

I had just finished lunch and had just taken my meds for the afternoon. I'm so stoned that even my title post is so long. Is it excessively long ? I don't think so. I think it's the perfect length for a title post. Who are you to question otherwise ? Are you the title post police now ? Get off my back. Let me write the length as I see fit. It's my post, you know. I can type anything, varying lengths as I like. My post, my rules.

Right.

Sorry, I think I better log off now. Rambling, you see ... :D

Sick and stoned, you see. :D

Pass me the salt, please

Honestly, couldn't you have the decency to properly intro the newbies ? I mean, having someone new at work place is part and parcel of life. People come and people go, life goes on. Sure it does.

Whatever.

Still, it wouldn't have hurt if we had been introduced properly, after all we are in the same office, having to work the same time and see each other for most of our waking hours. Even if you don't think we can "click", we still have to contend with each other, for better or worse, right ?

Anyways, whatever.

I'll put in my hours and hope for the best ...

:S

For another work week

A short work week, it maybe, it's still another work week. Time seemed to be passing by so quickly that I wished, it would give me a little bit more leeway and breathing space. I have not be faithful in following my resolve to let Dear his study time. Every available minute he has, I want to be in it. Pretty unfair, I think.

No doubt it was consensual but I guess, I have to let the man have his time, no ? Anyways, I need time to myself too. To put me in the proper and correct zone. I need to start looking. I need to finish up my audit findings reports. I need to send a card over to Kav. I need to look for a nice going away / leaving pressie for Ellen.

So many things I needed to do, so much procrastination I've done !

:p

Lunch out

Dear's taking me to his friend's place for a lunch do. A friend from his Uni and Hall days. A friend who has yet to know of his non-single status.

I must be on my best behaviour. I dress well and nicely with a pleasant disposition (which I already am, by the way).

Wish me luck !

*grins*

Got hit in the chest !

I played futsal yesterday with the guys and just before the game ended, one directed shot at the goal was stopped my chest. Squarely on the chest. I went down like a sack of rice with tears running down my cheeks. Winded, with breathing difficulty I tried informing the ref I was fine. The ref who is my dear actually.

What a game.

Earlier in the game, I was kicked on my right shin by Stephen (accidentally, while tackling). Then I stopped a few shots with my left knee. My team was beaten, of course, but the game was so on and so long that I was knackered out.

I crashed at Dear's place and poor darling was so worried about the chest hit that he wanted to bring me to the Doc's. I am okay now, but I will have many, many bruises in the next week or so ! Plus the bruise on my arm !

The worst injury had to go to Puni. He was hit in the groin area by a shot from D. Mans ... What a hit. Poor fella, I cannot imagine what it's like, but the pain. I can understand the pain ..

*tsks*

Dangerous sport, don't you think ?

Anyways, I've just got home less than a couple of hours ago. I'm so gonna crash soon. Mariam's back in Singapore ! She called me in the afternoon to see if I was at home. I was at Dear's so I thought we could meet up later this evening. However, I think she's quite busy with her sister's engagement and I'm totally wiped out. So no date with Mariam tonight ... :(

Right. Must rest. Talk later ...

Oh my goodness !

Not as I had expected. The movie last night ? Not something I'd pay good money to watch. Good thing Dear had the membership to SFS and I get to watch some movies through him. Otherwise, this movie is never part of my "Must Watch" list.

The movie was violent by my standards and I was so turned off that I tried to snooze in the hall. Dear, sitting beside me sensed my unease and volunteered to leave early but it would be so unfair on him for me to do so. I should have done my research and realise that Guy Ritchie's the director. Real London underground film.

On the plus point, I really did enjoy the AGM meeting prior to the start of the movie. And the dinner with the dear. Basically the fun parts were before the movie had started ! :P

Rock A Rolla

Watching that movie with Dear after work tonight.

Saw a bit of the trailer on the way to work the other day. Looks okay. Seems like a fun film. Rock and roll ? Bring it on, baby !

Mid Week

Mid Week Wednesday.

Short Work Week Next Week.

Short Work Week The Week After Next.

Mid Week.

Mid Week.

K.O.

After the Ma's doc appointment I popped down to the Blood Bank for a spot of charity work. The last time I'd gone there I was not allowed to donate because the blood iron content was slightly lower than then approved level. Today was good because I had been ingesting iron pills for the past 2 weeks.

I've got a bit of bruising and swelling on my arm where the needle was pierced through. During the collection, my blood flow slowed down and the nice nurses had to adjust the positions of my arm and the inserted needle. They advised me to clench and unclench my hand faster and harder.

The result ? Faster blood flow but bruised and sore arm !

Once done there, Ma and I took a long bus ride back home. Dozed off a couple of times so by the time I reached home, I totally crashed in bed. Dear called a few times and I had just spoken to him. I had my shower and dinner and on to bed early. :)

Another work day tomorrow .... :(

Post mortem

I've got a strain on my back.

Not good.

It happened as I was waiting for the bus to school. Yeah, missed the school bus again so I took the public buses. Transfer and transfer buses. :)

Stupid muscle strain ! :(

Ex-haus-ted !

Just to put it plainly, the whole family went super nuts on the visiting bit. According to Ma, they visited eight houses yesterday. And today ? Six houses if you include YS' place. Not too shabby for the Ma. :)

Spent the weekend with Dear. Left his place in the afternoon to rush home to follow the folks for the visiting. Used my Cik Mimi's lorry. Rode in the second cab but later in the evening, rode at the back with WM and kids. It was fun ! :)

Showed Ju the grad dinner pics. She saw Dear and said she hoped to see Dear in person when we go visiting next year. What do you say to that, Hons ?

Anyways, I'm like super exhausted. I'm gonna crash soon. Just finished speaking to Dear. He had a good squash game but did not study at all ! *pouts* Naughty, baby ! :D

:)

Listen to that ?

Yeah, the sound of silence, aside from the humming of the AC. The occasional sounds of pencils hitting the table. The sounds of the clearing of the eraser dust, either by blowing them off or shoving on the paper with the fingers. The sounds of shuffling feet on the floor. The occasional clearing of throat and sharp intake of breath. The expulsion of breath.

Yup.

The administration of exam. It's the Paper Based TOEFL this time round. Ah. All the side income ...

I stayed over with the dear last night. Made dinner, albeit too spicy and hot. Yeah, I went a little nuts on the chilli powder and the chilli padi. Had instant noodles. Stir fry french beans with tofu. I had no time to boil the rice by the time we rested after reaching home. Made the spicy chicken dish. Dear was very encouraging. He finished up all the dishes I cooked. Stuffed and satisfying. Felt appreciated.

:)

After dinner, we watched TV for a bit before shwoering and then I crashed into bed. Needed to sleep early for this morning's exam. The alarm went off at 4.45 in the morning but I snoozed for a bit more. Dear was still sleeping. Then his radio clock alarm went off and he "voted" me to shower first. Smart man. But then again, he did take ages in the loo too !

*tsks*

Right then.

Planning lunch at WM later. Then we'll see how the day pans out. Dear needs to start his revision for his exams soon ! I must encourage him to open his text and sit down and "study" with him. Two modules, guess we have to take one each !

:)

So you need me, eh ?

Well.

I can't say that I'm not being appreciated at my work place anymore. For one, a few people here knows that I want to leave. As such, the B I G guys are giving me ways and other opportunities to "entice" me to stay on. The most recent offer ? Moving me to the other office, to be under a different BIG BOSS . An option I was pretty happy and willing to consider provided the work or job description is clearly stated out.

So.

I've been called in to the two bosses rooms more often than I would have thought possible over these past few days. If I should accept the posting and move, there will definitely be backlash, a little or a lot depending on and from the people in my current office. While one boss wants the move to be done as quickly as possible, the other one is possibly hoping that I would say "No" to it. He may say that he doesn't mind either ways but well ... If you had worked with him, you would just know what he's like.

Ah.

I've not been too enthusiastic about staying in my current work place, moving notwithstanding. Given the fact that I've been here for 7 years, I'm feeling like I should look elsewhere and check out my other options. It's kinda like the 7 years itch, no ? Anyways, I'd been advised to start looking for other opportunities and alternatives. Better ones.

However, in light of the present and/or future economic unrest, should I just be happy and sated with the crumbs I get for the shit I work on ?

*sighs*

What ? What ?

So who's the good girl now ?

Am I not home nice and early tonight ?

My Ma would be so happy if she is still awake to see me reach home before midnight. I did not want to go off so early, but Dear was making me keep my promise to Ma. See ? Such a sweet darling.

I miss my PC. I miss my bed. I miss my smelly pillow. I miss my kitties. I miss my sweet nephew. I miss my other nieces and nephew.

Must make it back early more often.

:)

Do not disturb

How is it that some people took the trouble to "care" about what you don't do ? And when you do things, they don't seem to register the things you've done ? Why are promises so easily made without thought and when it's time to fulfil them, no one gives a shit anymore ?

Please give me the space I need to do my work and function even as half a human being. I know it's difficult to see me as one human being, breathing, needing food and water and sustenance to live. It's so easy to ignore my existence when all I do is agree to all the injustice heaped upon me.

But.

One thing I've always believe in. You don't have to have the anger in you. You just need to have the faith and believe that what goes around, most definitely will come around to you.

Cheerio ... :P

Dinner ... For the Dear

I came home with Dear today. Initially, I had wanted to head straight home after work to let my Ma see my face. So I gave Dear 3 options.

Option 1

Go straight home after work. Do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars.

Option 2

Go to Dear's place after work. Cook and have dinner with Dear. Leave after dinner before The Noose and my Crime Night starts.

Option 3

Go to Dear's place after work. Cook and have dinner with Dear. Watch The Noose and the Crime Night series (CSI, Criminal Minds & Cold Case) with Dear. Leave before 5 am the following morning.

So my question is - which one do you think my dear chose ?

:)

The end of the innocence

Imagine a connection that goes so deep that no one in the right mind would dare deny, destroy and defile.

Then along comes this idiot who tries to mess up the best thing that can happen to her. Give the woman one tight slap across her face.

Thanks sis for your advise. Thanks Dear for being so nice and understanding.

I cried buckets okay ...

I woke up again

I was actually praying for my life to end in the night before I slept. I wanted to not be a nuisance and pest to people who said they love me.

But I woke up in the middle of the night to the insistent beeping reminder of my mobile. Two texts were waiting for me from Dear. He texted once after 11 pm and another one just after half past midnight to check if I am still awake.

I replied at 2.15 am to tell him that I was awake and asked if he is still awake. No responses so I guess all is still in slumberland. I went back to sleep and here I am awake on a Sunday morning.

Greeting the day again. Smile or frown, it is still early in the day to decide.

Not another one

Here I was lying in bed. Thinking how I did it again, I always make the same mistakes. Over and over again I kept getting his hackles raised. Why ? What is the meaning of this destructive behaviour ? Self sabotaged. Self hatred. Self pity.

I'm tired. Mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I've been up since 4.30 am this morning, after having about 2 hours sleep time.

I got in to work yesterday afternoon, pretending that nothing major happened last night. I was so consumed with projecting a happy, contented image. Boss spoke to me regarding certain promotion issues. I said no, cleared the air and the suspicions. Apologised to the people who got involved unintentionally. And time just flew past. Before I knew it, it was time to start setting up for the exams for this morning.

Finished up in the office by 10 pm. Hitched a ride with Bro Izam to Holland V with the dear one. Bro Izam had left for Indo this morning. So it was kinda sad to have one less kaki to joke with at work.

We took a cab from Holland V to Mariam's place, arrived after 11 pm and talked until close to 1 am. She had also gone back to Indo this morning, after a week in Singapore for the Lebaran hols. People I will miss. People who can take my nonsense and just let go. How lucky I am.

We then took a cab back to Dear's place and by the time we are done showering, we crashed into bed at about 2 am. I couldn't fall asleep immediately and was getting frisky but Dear was sleepy and we needed to be up early for the exam invigilation.

The exam went without major hitches and by the time the courier guy came to pick up the package, it was almost 4 pm. Dear had to go to Orchard to meet up with his friend to pass something to him. A friend who was like a brother to him. A friend and a recent ex-housemate. I tagged along and we hung out with a few of his other mates for a couple of hours.

Dear had to meet up with his other mates for a birthday dinner in Town. I thought the meeting place was still in Orchard but it turns out to be a restaurant along Clarke Quay. I wanted to come with him but he said reservations were already made and he didn't know if it could be added on. He had asked a few days prior if I wanted to tag him but I told him I might need to be out and about for visiting.

However, I didn't feel like going home then and wanted to spend a bit more time with my dear before I head home. He said he didn't mind me coming along and introducing me to some of his other mates about the girlfriend status. He wanted to pick up a book at Kino before going, so after we left Paragon, we walked to Takashimaya. Dear said it was gonna be a quick one, a trip to the Reservation Counter and then the Cashier. But it turned out to be longer than predicted.

I should have known and expected that dear was a lost cause in bookstores. I waited and waited for him to be done, read a few pages of Stephen Hawking's On The Shoulders Of Giants and still no Dear in sight. I then walked out of the bookstore, looking for a place to rest my aching feet. A few minutes after sitting down, Dear called asking me where I was.

So there I was in my "mischevious" mood answered in a bored voice that I was on the way home. Dear was speechless. Through the line, I could hear a sadness creeping in his voice when he answered my question of his whereabouts. He then sounded resigned and hung up. I called back to say I'll look for him. So I did and saw him still at the Cashier C and thought I'd browse a bit more. Read Calvin and Hobbes and waited and waited for him to be done. When I turned around I saw that he was no longer at the counter and then my mobile rang and I saw him calling me from a few aisles away.

He looked pissed and sad. Then we got into a mood. He didn't want to meet up with his mates and wanted to go home. I persuaded him to go and not break his date with his friends. I waited for him to ask me to come with again. Ah wells. My own damn fault for making a face when he told me the dinner was at Clarke Quay.

So I told him that I wanted to hang around Town before going home. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place and I said no. He wanted us to talk but I told him that he had to go. We walked to the train station to look for the AXS Machine for him to pay his bills. And while he paid, I sat and waited, finally finding a proper place to rest my feet.

Once he was done, again he told me to go back to his place so we can talk once he's back from dinner. We sat there and he asked me what is it that I want him to do to make me happy. I sit there thinking to myself that I don't want to go back to his shared apartment without him around. To face his other housemates. To me, there is no point in me coming back there without him around. I wanted to spend time with him, not to wait around in the room like some fool.

So then I told him that I'll be going to my own place after hanging around for a bit. He looked exasperated before leaving me on the steps, not once looking back to see if I'm okay (Dear clarified that he did looked back to see me as he was travelling down the escalator. I was looking downwards, according to Dear, hence did not see a sad look as he left me there - Edit). He texted me a few minutes later and we exchanged a few messages with me still on the steps. I was contemplating what I wanted to do. I was hoping that he changed his mind and come back to persuade me. When I realised that he was not going to come back for me, I headed to the trains and was thinking of actually going the Woodlands route to Bukit Batok. If he had turned back, I would have done just that. And I would be typing this on his computer and not mine.

But he didn't and so I didn't. I was feeling so lousy at spoiling his mood and mine. Dear wanted to come and see me later and I told him not to bother as I can come round his place tomorrow. He was insistent and after this call it seems like we either talk tonight or we talk on Monday after work. His ultimatum, we don't have to talk tomorrow. Since I was willing to put this off tonight, we could put off the talking to Monday. After all, what's one more day, he said.

Right. So there. I've poured all I could to the best of my recollection of the events leading up to this sad episode. I'm sorry if I missed out on some things. If it seemed that I've ignored some facts to put me in a good light, let me know. I'm willing to edit this so everyone reading this are not misinformed.

You know as I was sitting on the steps of Orchard station with the drilling works going, I wished for an accident to happen. This was after I realised that I was waiting in vain for Dear to come back for me. I wished for a huge slab of concrete to fall on my head and break my neck. Maybe my parents will be happy with the payout and that I'd caused no more unhappiness to my dear.

In my defense

I plead a case of insanity.

There was a post prior to the one I'm posting right now. He read it. He took it as I want it to be taken. And then I banished it away from the prying eyes of all. The point of the post was for his eyes. For him to know and realise what I was feeling then.

I cried buckets last night. We talked. We kept silent. We talked some more. We cried. I'm not who you think I project. I am not who I think I project.

Will the real me ever be happy enough to surface ?

Birthday Boy (Guy)

Happy Birthday, Sam !!

A good and true friend you had been these past 10 years. Thank you for being the voice of reason (sometimes ...) and the fact that you are you !

May you be happy in whatever you do and may the good person that you are shines through all the time. I *heart* you ! :D

Take care and have fun always !

Eid-Mubarak

To all my Muslim brothers and sisters.

With the passing of Ramadhan, we'll celebrate Syawal with much hope and happiness. May the month springs laughter and joy always. Remember to care for the less fortunate though. :)

Cooking !

My Ma's gonna start her cooking soon. I'll be assisting in the initial preparation of the cooking items. Peel onions, garlic and other stuff that needs to be done.

I was supposed to help look after my nephew while my Ma pops over to the market but as you guys know, I slept over at my dear's place and left pretty late after a bit of clean up of his room and toilet.

He was a dear to have ordered Mac's breakfast for my morning meal. He had his breakfast as well and we both went back to bed. Woke up after 7 after snoozing for a bit. I wish he didn't have to work but he needs to earn the moolah. :)

Anyways, here I am back home, waiting for my Ma to give "orders and instructions" ... Will update more later. If time permits and I'm not too lazy.

Last day of the fasting month, yo !

Last day

I'll be on leave from tomorrow until Friday afternoon. Now, now ... What shall I do with my time ? Clean the house ? Naah ...

I'm so happy today. I came to work happy, packed a couple of containers of cookies. One for the office guys, the other for my darling. Will be hanging out at his place tonight. *bliss*

Two more days of fasting left. Sad to leave this month, yet happy that I'd been pretty resilient in my fast.

:D

Need to leave the office soon ... I need to bring a student for his medical checkup because our dear Mr G was too "busy" to go in the afternoon. Apparently, it's not very good for him to bring students for checkup in the afternoon because of traffic congestion in the town area.

Well. It's his own fault for engaging a clinic in the town area in the first place. Want to be "atas" but don't care to follow through anytime. The kid's social visit visa will expire this weekend so I need to arrange the medical today in lieu of the pub hol on Wednesday. Ah wells. I get the afternoon off, technically.

I always believe in what goes around, comes around. *winks*

F1

So much news I need to share with you guys.

Firstly, it was a bad decision to go into JB on the last weekend before the festivities. Yesterday ? It was a challenge. The weather didn't help much. The sun was bent on beating on us so fiercely. The hordes of people did not abate at all. At the Malaysian custom nor at the shopping complexes. My favourite snack, banana crisps was so totally sold out. Searching high and low rendered only small packs. People, if you are kind enough, please send some banana crisps my way. I prefer the salty ones, sweet ones will be passed over. Mucho gracias.

Next, Mr G's daughter, Mayce was diagnosed with a tumour in her brain. It was initially thought of as a small aneurysm in her brain through the initial MRI scan. But subsequent scanning revealed a small growth. I believe it was benign. Her surgery's slated for the second week of October. More news, please go to her blog page here. She seemed okay, sounded positive when I texted and MSN-ed her. I pray for everything to turn out well for her. I pray for the strength for her and family.

The end of the F1 night race in Singapore. If you are living under a rock all this while, you would have realised that this leg is touted as to be the best this year. I saw and was pretty amazed that the streets of Marina Bay could be transformed as such. Renault's Alonso won the race. I like McLaren but since Renault won, I am happy too. And Ferrari ? No where close to a top 10 finish. Hahaha ... Poor suckers !

Finally, a paragraph to end this post. Aidilfitri's coming in a matter of days ! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this year's Ramadhan. I hope to be able to see more of the good month each year.

I miss my darling. Two whole days of not being with him. Tough. Really tough. Hehehe ... It was our 6 months anniversary yesterday. So I asked him what he wanted for his anni gift and guess what his answer was ? Me ! And I told him that he's got me ... So he said, he don't need anything else. My darling is such a sweetheart. I *heart* him mucho, mucho !!! :D

Anyways, he's got what he needs (ME !) but I still need to give him what he wants ! :)

All right then. Better turn in soon. Such a lovely weekend. Loads of sleep and rest !

Shorty

It's gonna be a quick one as I am getting ready to leave the house to go across the causeway.

I'm chatting with my dear at the moment. Yeah, I did arrive home early this morning but dear was still sound asleep and I didn't want to wake him up before time. My poor darling had been missing on precious sleep everytime I take my leave in the morning.

Ah.

I miss him so. His scent, his voice, his solid build. Darling I miss you mucho, mucho !

XXX

Staying in late !

I'm in the office still right now. Finally had a bit of a breather after the whole day of rushing to send out a major mailout. I'm gonna head out to the post office soon and then head for dinner.

Question.

Should I go over to my dear's place afterwards or should I head on home directly ? I'm gonna go up to JB tomorrow with Ma to do a bit of Hari Raya chips shopping. Mmmm ... Banana chips. Tapioca chips. Mmmm .... Chips ...

Alright. I guess I won't get an answer now. So the decision is mine to make.

More updates tomorrow ?

Have a nice weekend all !

And a "Good Morning" to you too.

To say that my Ma was pissed will be like exaggerating the reaction and twisting the truth to shed me in a fair light. Ma was pretty reasonable with my comings and goings. She understood why but she still feels that I should not continue what I'm doing.

Cabbing is an expensive hobby. Especially so when the surcharges start to play into the total costs. People say that cabbing is definitely a cheaper option to owning a car, something my dear had thought of quite often. True in a sense but bussing is definitely cheaper than cabbing, no ?

So.

Now it's up to my resolve and determination to catch the last express bus home every night. My Ma was fair enough to not stop me from hanging out with my dear, she was just concern over the unnecessary expenses incurred as a result of the late/early mornings. I must listen to my Ma because it makes sense, no ?

Anyways, we need to start saving if we are to have a little bit of heaven later. Dear, I'm sorry if I'm always putting you in a difficult place about the stay overs. I'm always thankful for you. :D XXX

~ Welcome To Wherever You Are ~ Bon Jovi

Maybe we're different, but we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden, running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You come between just who you are and who you wanna be

If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end

[Chorus]
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

When everybody's in, and you're left out
And you feel your drowning, in a shadow of a doubt
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say

When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different
Just take a look around

[Chorus]

Be who you want to, be who you are
Everyone's a hero, everyone's a star

When you wanna give up, and your heart's about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes

[Chorus]

Fat Tuesday

Or rather Bad Tuesday.

I'm stoning in the office right. I've reached here about an hour ago after stoning for 3 hours at ICA. Good thing I'd brought my bag along and with it a lot of goodies to read. I'd started on the Prelude to the Sandman series and I am so hooked on it now. Scary and yet fascinating.

The next one I should start on would be the Watchmen. Apparently it's a damn good novel to own. Well, I saw the trailer for the movie a couple of weeks ago and I will be sure not to miss it.

Thanks to Cheeky Monkey that I am hooked on graphic novels. Ah. Neil Gaiman's the bomb. :)

This post would be more like a "Fat Chance Tuesday" if only I'd be more willing to say "No".

OM asked me for money today. Not a loan, just outright asking as if it's a given right. Well, technically he can ask money from me but it's a little weird no ? Makes me feel as though the monthly grocery infusion is insufficient. On top of that, I have to settle the monthly bills and housing loans. Sometimes I feel like tearing out my hair because I am not able to provide a standard of living OM was accustomed to. Like spending fifty bucks in a day without any guilt.

Ah.

Maybe I am not a good enough daughter. I don't give enough to make sure everyone lives comfortably. Maybe I should start saving up again. No more excessive spending and such. I feel so useless today. Generally, I feel useless anyways. If you are one of those light reader, you can see that my being is surrounded by bluish-black light. I'm depressed and saddened by OM's behaviour.

But that is my lot in life, no ? Temporary, I keep telling myself this. One day soon, I may not even need all this nonsense. Everything is transient, even my unworthy life is temporary. One day soon I will leave this plane and be sujected to other forces. Sooner or later, we will all be answerable to our actions.

No time for smiling. No time to even joke. Pain is as you know it, keen at first, then the wound would scab over leaving a thudding presence under the cut. Lamenting on the pain is like seeing for the blind. Utterly devoid of worth.

The end is near :)

Nine days until the end of the good month. Well. If you count today, which is technically inaccurate because the day had just started, then it's only eight days until the end but anyways. To digress, it's gonna be Syawal soon !!! Really soon.

My Muslim brothers and sisters have started buying new clothes, making cookies and cakes and cleaning the house and such. Even my non Muslim brother had cleaned up his room (Cheeky Monkey, I'm talking about you here.). I might cross the Causeway this weekend (after pay day !) with my Ma to get some crisps and muruku ! Mmmmmm ....

I have barely started to get organised. I will be soon. Planning to take a few days leave next week. Clean my room, throw away the unwanted clothes in my wardrobe. Waiting for the new cabinet to arrive (Yo, Sis when can we get the cabinet ?). Then I'm home free. Perhaps I'll throw out my old mattress and use the bed in the middle room ... Perhaps I'll put in the new fridge too. Then I don't ever have to leave my room except to go to the loo.

Well. If I can get organised, everything can and shall be done.

She says

Come on, cut him a break. Let him do what he needs to do. Don't be such a nag. You are not his wife nor his fiancee. You are just a girlfriend. You are expendable. Stop acting like such an old lady. He's an adult, he can take care of himself. He has a mother, he doesn't need another one here. He had been living on his own for the past few years. He knows what's good for him and you know for sure he will not wilfully hurt himself. Nor let others hurt him. Take a chill pill and go to sleep. You need to wake up in less than 2 hours.

Stupid woman. Nag, nag, nag. Then throw tantrums. Shut up and stop being so controlling. You will drive him away. There is tolerance and then there is tolerance. Don't fuck up this relationship. You are a good person, stop feeling sorry for yourself and cock up something that is good for your soul. Quiet those voices of doubts.

If you are truly unhappy, then break up. If he can't be the one to make you smile when you wake up, then cut off all ties. If everything he says or do irritates you then it's better you save both the misery.

He makes you laugh, he makes you cry. He's the solidity you have been craving these past few months. If there is a lesson you must learn, he really cares a whole lot for you. Why the fuck then does he put up with all your nonsense and idiosyncracies ?

Stupid, silly woman. Remember the heartache and pain when you decided that enough was enough a few months ago ? How you cannot bring yourself to sever your bond with him ? Remember how unwilling he was to let you go ? How he threatened to go away and live a life of solitude when you know he's a social creature ? Remember how then you cannot live to see him live like that ?

So.

Shut up and go to sleep. Talk to him later. Face to face is the best. I've said my piece. If you choose not to heed, then I can tell you that before this year is out, you will be a bitter, sad old woman. Rejoice and love him without conditions nor censure or critcisms.

Close your eyes now,
Go to sleep now,
I'll turn down the light ...

*yawns*

I'm so darn sleepy. I roused myself from his bed after snoozing for close to an hour after the alarm rang. Quickly got ready to head home. Poor darling was half asleep and I always feel guilty having to subject him to my early morning "escapades".

I've just finished my morning meal. Rice and fish. Not too bad. I had grapes too. Yummy and juicy. I hope I don't lose too much water before half the day is over. So anyways, just a quick post as I need to catch up on proper sleep.

I had dinner with Trace, D and R at Charco's last night. I had the fish wrap, not too bad because the cheese was the best part. The fish was just fish fingers but I have nothing to complain because I love fish fingers ! After dinner, we headed over to D's place and just hung out there for a couple of hours. Then we headed home and shared a cab with Trace and R. Popped over my dear's place because I was just too lazy to head on home. Hahaha ...

And so there I was at 3.30 am in the morning, stoned with the last vestiges of sleep trying my darnest to not fall into bed again. Else, I'll be late and Ma would "scream". Hah. Not likely.

Right. My quick one has turned into a long one, so I must say good day and updates later !

XXX

Weekend's here again !

It's the last day of the week. We have come to the end of the work week. All the shit and major happenings safely out of mind as we prepare of the 2 days of rest.

I want to do something important this weekend ...





I want to apply for jobs !

Happy Friday, everyone ! :)

Sun chasing the moon

I was on the school bus this morning. The sun was just arising on the right and when I looked up to my left, the moon was just leaving the sky.

What a beautiful sight !

The moon on the run from the sun, chasing fiercely amongst the clouds. And the clouds ? Well, it seems to me that they were trying to protect the moon by covering its tracks.

I am glad to be alive and witness this play of the sky. It was as though all this inanimate things have a life of their own. The greatness of Him is undisputed.

Or perhaps, I'm just projecting my positive outlook today. I must say I do look fetching in my white blouse with a lone coconut tree on the front. Be happy today, peeps !

Toot, goes the little toot

I am happy this morning. I woke up with my love, less crashing and thrashing in his room. Snooze for a bit and got ready to head on home.

Snooze a bit in the cab home. Snooze again once I reached home. Woke up for my morning meal and then I snooze for another forty minutes or so after the meal.

Woke up proper, hit the showers, and I got ready for work.

Left the house, walked to the bus stop and waited for the bus. The feeder was late and I prayed that I will not miss my school bus. Searched for my iPod to listen to some music and realised it's not in my bag.

Caught the school bus, called my darling to check on my iPod status and found out it's nowhere in sight in his room. I hoped I had left it in the office instead of the cab this morning.

Looked through my bag and found my backup iPod Shuffle. Checked for battery life and yeah ! Still has some juice left. Happiness all round with music in my ears. Snooze for a bit until I reached school.

Favourite songs on the iPod, skip in my step I waited for the lift up. They took forever to reach the ground and so I climbed up four flights of stairs. Morning exercise for the day is done. :D

Happy midweek guys !! *grins*

All in good faith

So I declined the job "promotion".

You ask, was I stupid to do it ? Should I have at least hung on to that albeit a few months only ?

The answer would be if I had done that, I would have sold my soul to the devil. Hahaha. Dramatic, I sometimes may be but in this instance, I was facing reality. The truth of it all is that if I had accepted the job "promotion" I would be praying everyday to die. A slow, agonising, unmerciful death.

I don't want that. I don't need the extra hatred so wished on my "position" by the disgruntled, unhappy people. I so do not want that. Am I happy doing the job I'm doing ? Yes and no. I am happy with the job and yet I am unhappy with some of the people I work with.

And that is not a good sign. I am hanging on by a thread and yet the tension is getting bigger. The thread may soon snap and I will free fall. I might just be happy then, either crashing to earth or landing perfectly on my feet.

The fifty percent chance is something I anticipate and look forward too. Give me the strength to get through the devils in disguise.

Emo

I need a cry. A good cry.

For the unfairness of it all. For my darling, who's been prejudiced against without fact nor reason ...

For the wicked ways of man. For the selfish ways of man. For the blindness in man.

Open your heart, open your mind. Our life is transient. We live today who knows of tomorrow. Doing good is better than just being good. Love Him as you know no other love.

About to leave soon

Ah.

You've caught me. Instead of going in to the office, I went straight over to my dear's place yesterday. Stayed overnight and here I am on a Sunday evening, just finished up with the letter.

I will then pop over to ICA tomorrow to hand deliver the letter after my Ma's appointment. Am I dedicated or what ?

Right then.

I've settled my work stuff and I am gonna head on out. Grab dinner at Coffeebean on the way back to dear's place. I hope the rain will hold off until I reached home. :D

I needed to work !

I'm on my way to the office. It sucks big time because I'm feeling kind of lazy and I just want to just stone in bed. But I needed to come in to work today as I will be on leave on Monday to accompany Mother for her SNEC appointment.

I needed to be at work today because I have yet to write the appeal letters for the rejection cases yesterday. They had managed to get an extended stay until the coming Friday just so the flights could be arranged. How then can I delay their appeal ?

It's such a lovely day to spend with your *heart*. I'll pop down to his place later once I'm done in the office. :D

Honey will be so glad to have me around !!!

XXX

Fallen from grace

It's Friday and I am so not in the mood to work. The morning started out hectic, phone call after phone call. Seems like I was a very popular girl. Then the bad news hit and a couple of student's pass rejections caused a flurry of activities. Especially so since their social visit passes will be expiring today.

Joy.

So anyways, I arranged for Mr G to bring them to try to get an extension at the bequest of their family friend. I felt sorry for them especially so the rejection letters did not state the reason for non-approval. This definitely made the appeal a little bit more challenging. But as you guys know me, I stepped up to the plate and tried to check if I had made mistakes in the initial applications.

I had not, so now I have to make things work for the 2 kids. So off to ICA Mr G went to get an extension of their stay, even though I know the chance is slim. Well. He'd just came back less than two hours ago. As expected. The kids have to leave the country or risk being slap with an overstaying offence.

I've called the family friend to inform and he's gonna try to appeal to see if he could get their stay extended so he can book flights home. Poor kids, stranded in a foreign country with minimal English and then this had to happen. So much for the confidence in the application process.

I'll write back to update their status.

On a more positive note, R and I would be meeting up with Jas, Mandy and Cheryl for dinner. Good food, good company. I look forward to it.