I discover a lumpy, bumpy thing just below my right pit. There is a slight protrusion of flesh, not of pimply size nor look. When it is depressed, it seemed to stem from deeper than the epidermis. I'm thinking it could be just a swelling of the lymph nodes, you know since I've just got the flu and all. However, the thing about the lumpy, bumpy thing is that I felt it a few weeks ago while I was lazing in bed with Dear. I got Dear to feel it too and he told me to have it checked out. I told him, it happens to me quite frequently and it could just be an infection or just swelling when I pull out my pit hairs (Oops ... A little bit disgusting, please don't barf out your meal !).
Personally, I'm not worried. Me, with my hypochondriac tendencies would usually diagnose all sorts of illnesses / diseases where there are none. Then again, you who don't know me from Adam, would think I am making things up just to spice up my boring weblog. Well, as a matter of fact, those of you who know me personally might think I'm doing that too !! Hahaha ...
Anyways, I'm experiencing a downturn in my love life. It's got me questioning everything and everyone I believe in. Shall I pour out the sad bits and give you my two cents bit of perspective on the whole issue ? Or shall I just bear and grin it every time I am sad and put up a happy facade on this page ?
What I know for sure is to find out the level of commitment I have towards my relationship with Dear. The level of commitment Dear has towards our relationship. Whether or not we will allow a third party to come in the way of our happiness and life together.
You know, as I come towards the end of this post tonight, I feel like I should stay away from the bad things and thoughts. Until I do that, perhaps I might never find the happiness I so crave with a special someone. Maybe I am just afraid of the good things that come my way and so I purposely try to screw things up. So I can moan and groan and lament on this weblog. A sad existence of truth if that is to happen. Maybe there is no such thing as love and happiness in this world. Maybe the machines are making us think we feel that when we are just hooked up on a life support system where our dreams and subconscious minds mingle to create a universal truth. Maybe I am just dreaming that I am posting this. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, it's still the Saturday before Dear's Ma is in town. Maybe what had happened these past two weeks are flash forwards so I will learn my lesson and not repeat the events.
Maybe I need to see the doctor tonight, because I sure don't sound quite right up there. Hahahaha ... If only ...
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