Time for a change?

It's been a long while since my last post. How have my life changed for the better is best left unanswered.

Not Sleepy Anymore

I can't get back to sleep. The room is hot. The bed is scratchy. My nose is semi blocked and my throat is parched. I'm thirsty like there is no way possible. I went to bed just after midnight and Dear continued to watch the second inning of his beloved cricket game.

Then I woke up at 3.33 am. With a start and realised that Dear is still watching the game. Suddenly, I just got pissed. And then sadness overcame me. Afterall, I did tell Dear to go ahead and continue watching the game. When I woke and he's not around, I just got peeved. Peeved that I stayed over and he's more interested in the game.

So I texted him to ask if he didn't know when to sleep. It took him a while to come in to the room to check on me. By which time, I was more than a little mad. I know, I'm the silly one. Trivial matters and all. Irrational behaviour and temper tantrums, galore !

And now.

I can't go back to sleep. Dear is snoring away happily and I'm up posting a "rant" at this ungodly hour. I would probably listen to another podcast if I really can't snooze soon. Or I might even while away my time playing either "Solitaire" or "Sudoko" on my mobile. Really, those are the kind of games good enough to make anyone snooze faster than you can say "monkeymansitsonthefenceandheckleanotherpasserbyagainandagainandagain".

Instant karma, anyone?

Rightful good scare !

Good Friday scare.

To make me think that I'm inept in my work and duties. That I'm old and forgetful. To think that my co-workers are all ignorant and unhelpful. That lady over at the Board. *tsks*

But the silver lining ?

The realisation that my head should not be too big for the doorway. There's efficiency and then, there's cockiness. Thankfully, I am not that big a cock ! :D

And so we will say goodbye

Time to say goodbye to the dude sitting behind me in the office. He's been transferred to another department. Effective date of move is November first. It's been announced just today. As usual, the move is made after a piece of hoo-ha.

The way the yahoos handle the shit on the face is to find a scapegoat. If you can't, just transfer the bugger to another department. It's effectively someone else's shit after that.

To the dude sitting behind me, I will miss throwing things (paper, mainly) behind. I will not be able to crash your table as I like anymore. I will not be able to lower your seat to the lowest possible level (to hide myself and trick you, of course !) and I will be not be able to just click my fingers to direct his attention to the counter.

Oh, yes, I will miss the dude sitting behind me. So many, many fond memories of good banters and fits of temper tantrums.

On the plus point, maybe I will ask the yahoos if I can get an extension of my extended work table.

Hah...

Ranting

Men !!! They make you so, so mad !!

Let it be known that I'm pretty mad with my Dear today.

*GRRRRRRRRR*

A Piece of Positivity

Okay, here's the deal. Without revealing too much information (in case I'm being spied upon and reported unfavourably to the boss), I've got some returns due to some diligence last week. A phone call and a request for confirmation of the info submitted, I may have taken a step closer to be out of the web. Happy ? You bet. Glad that it's not all futile ? Most definitely !

I hope I didn't jinx it too much by telling it now. I certainly hope they would get back to me, if I'm eligible.

The only issue I have right now is trying to recall, which one I'd submitted it for ! :-P

Crazy, sexy woman

That's me. Yeap. Even though the Dear thinks I'm one hell of a sexy woman, I still feel like that I'm not up to his standards. Not that he had ever stated any physical attributes his dream companion should have. Not that he dared to tell me to my face. Actually, come to think of that, he dared. Just that he didn't want to deal with my intense, massive mood changes. Hahaha ...

So anyways, as with all sane guys, they need a sane woman by their side. Without the added attachment of crazy mood swings. Which I will be the first one to admit that I come with. Major, loads and positively crazy mood swings.

Take for example, a couple of nights ago. Just before we turn in, we were talking about "the face that launched a thousand ships", Helen of Troy. And the actress who played her in one of the recent movies. I think I said that Helena was such a beautiful, Greek name and Dear agreed. Then I think I mentioned something along the lines that the depicted Helen in pictures or movies are not that pretty. According to the Dear, Diane Kruger, German actress was a classic beauty. And guess who was offended ?

So I just kept quiet and tried to sleep. Dear thought something was amiss when he spoke and I answered with just one word answers. I kept thinking that perhaps his mother was right. I am a bad choice for him. I have to support both parents (not rich), low education (the official records on my work website still indicates I have a Diploma but I got my Degree ages ago), of a different faith (she thinks if we have kids, I will poison their minds against his faith, which is like, "Say, what now?") and I'm not pretty enough (so I have flesh and wear glasses).

That maelstrom of feelings just got me so down that I was so pissed at myself for being so affected. So I cried. Not the wrenching soul tearing kind. Just the silent, tears running down the sides of my eyes kind. Stupid and crazy woman. Yeap. Me.

I refused to talk to Dear about the incident. He still bugs me these days to figure out what happened that night. Perhaps he will know when he reads this post. Perhaps it'll be too far in the past to revisit. Ah wells. Just an indication that women are a mad kind. But men still love us. Non-classic beauties and all.

P/S: For the record, I may not be rich but I'm not destitute either !

What's important ..

I've just come back to work from a long weekend. I was not too enthusiastic in coming back to the office after a nice 3.5 days of non-work. I woke up lazy, thinking, I should ditch another 0.5 day of work. But I resisted the temptation and decided to make an appearance. On the way to office, I had a bit of a tummy ache, not sure if it was just the runs or something more. I was also feeling a little nauseous when I stepped in.

Perhaps, this feeling of unease stemmed from the fact that I have to face work and all the shitty, unhappy emotions connected to the place. Perhaps, I was just dreading the incomplete "homework" that I needed to face with the Boss. And so, begrudgingly, I attempted to try to finish my "homework". I was not a happy camper, that's for sure. And then I put off the meeting with the Boss until much, much later.

And guess who turned out to be the most unhappy camper of all time? The Dear. We left eventually, way, way after we were scheduled to go. Had a bit of a turn at West Mall. Got a wee bit of dinner, thrashed out what was required of us, discussed where our direction should be and you guessed it..

Kissed and made up. Honey, I love you so much that I wouldn't be where and who I am now without your generous love and kind understanding. I wish I could do more for you. Much more than my current situation allows me to. Please be happy, with or without me.

Plus another update

I am typing this away at the clinic at SGH, waiting for my Ma's gastro appointment. It's been a pretty crazy morning slash day so far. I woke up at 5.04 am, snooze the alarm before realising I was actually too lazy to get in to work today. So the next time the alarm went off, I clicked the "Dismiss" button.

Then I went back to sleep. The next thing I remember was waking up to this urgent need to pee.. Dear was just beside me, snoring like there's no tomorrow.. So what did I do then? Record his snores on his mobile. Just to show him how bad his snores could be!

Both of us got a bit lazy to quickly hit the showers as work is such a drag. Especially for Dear when I'm on leave. The same old bunch of idiots creating the same kinda shit, day in, day out.

Anyways, I hope we won't stay there much longer. Obviously we have overstayed our welcome. Those bunch of idiots are not happy of our presence there. If we were to leave, you can see how well they would handle matters in the office. They always think that they are better than us, then they can jolly well work without us being there.

Case in point last Friday's audit. The fucker thinks only one person deserves the special mention as though the rest didn't contribute at all. Arsehole!

No point getting worked up. Obviously, the screw up with Case and ICA was their karma for fucking the little people. They deserve the messy affair that resulted then. Haha.. Fucking arseholes, the whole lot of them!

Glory Man Utd

So the trip came. And went. It was an experience. Basically you imagine what it's like to watch the team you've supported for yonks "live". But even your imagination cannot beat the reality.

Yeah, so it was tiring and hectic 3 days. But the atmosphere was positively drug induced !

I just wished we had more time to do other things while we were in KL.

We planned and we discussed at lengths before plonking our hard earned money to catch the Devils. And boy, what a way of "wasting" our hard earned money !

Now, if we could be plonking moolah to catch the Red Devils at home, Old Trafford. What a way to waste your time and money then ! :)

New games to play

I thought squash was an "evil" game. It was an "evil" game when I realised the sheer amount of running required. Plus the fact that I tend to bruise my wrist because the racquet's handle was much too long for me to have a good grip.

Then I played with Dear for a few bit of shoving of the rubber ball. Hmmmm ...

Dear took his game down a few notches, without his knee or ankle guards and he actually played like a decent person. Not being a mad man running about the small court. Well. It was good games all round. Lesser people and the rest rates were lesser. Especially when you play with faster and more agile players. Which, of course I didn't attempt to. I might just land my sorry ass on the wooden floor.

So I'm pretty knackered now. I need to pop back home later after dinner. We ordered Pastamania and food's just arrived. I'm a bit slow at typing now, watching a little bit of F1 and now Star Trek Next Generation: Nemesis on the telly. Dear's feeding me nachos with spicy cheese as I am typing this.

All round, we had a bit of a good weekend, not counting my acting up yesterday. I'm thinking that I'm becoming my my Dear's second half, proper. What with the nerd movies and "evil" game played. Hahaha ...

We will be watching Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs in 3D tomorrow evening. The Man U trip is this weekend. Might pop by for a bit of bowling either Tuesday or Thursday evening. Busy, busy week this week. :D

Funsies !!! :D

Honey nuts

My honey is crazy. He is currently looking over my shoulders as I am typing this, hence the reason for this post title. Okay. I'll write more later when I can probably think more clearly. Huh ...

Cor, blimey !

The rain falling in sheets
The wind howling madly
Wetness all around
Coldness envelope the land
The sun disappearing from sight
Sleeping in is not the option
It is a must
I'm staying in and that's a fact.

Not so

*sighs*

My blog page is no longer being blocked from view by our web filter. It's pretty sad really. I would love for it to be blocked due to "Pornography". Hahaha ... As if.

So anyways, I am currently updating this page in the last 10 minutes of office hours. A few scares of the H1N1 flu bug. Apparently a couple of students were home quarantined because one of their housemates tested positive. So far, negative results of infection were given to these kids.

Also, a student and a teacher had a major temperature increase. Just a sudden onset of fever. Both were of the normal temperature range in the morning. Then later part of the morning, the student complained of being unwell. Temperature taken registered 38 degrees C. So, student was advised to see a doctor and her guardian was alerted. Thankfully, it was just fever (for now, perhaps) and she was given 2 days medical leave.

The teacher's temperature was higher. She came around close to 4 pm to the main office to have her temp taken. Using the contactless thermometer, her temp was 37.1 degrees C. But she complained of feeling extremely cold. Her eyes were red and she was tearing. So I thought a more accurate reading was required and used the ear thermometer. She placed it in her right ear and the reading taken was 39.8 degrees C !

We told her that she has to leave to see the doctor but she protested that she had classes ongoing. So, just to be sure I checked the temp in her left ear and the reading registered 39.1 degrees C. Tears started falling and we had to "sternly" inform her to just see a doctor. She reluctantly left the school and her department head was just incredulous that her temp rose that high.

Anyways, considering the amount of travelling the kids and teachers had done during the school hols, I am pretty thankful that none had come down with a serious case of the H1N1 bug. Hopefully, it'll be kept that way.

Web filter

Hahaha ... Boyfriend had just alerted me that if he tried to view my blog page from the office computer, our web filter blocked all access. Apparently the reason for the filter is because my blog page is categorised as Pornography ! Hahahaha ... How much fun is that ?

I am not writing as regularly as I did before and with this extra special filter ? Looks like I will never ever be able to update my blog page. Hmmm ... This may mean that this is like my last post ever !

So enjoy the past post and we'll see about the future ones !

Bowling nutcases

Yes, we are.

Boyfriend and I are bowling nuts. WE are finding reasons to "go for bowling" these few months. And when we do go, we spent hours at the bowling centres trying our damnest to improve our mediocre scorings.

I'm not that good. At my best game, I hit just over a 100 pins. And at my worst, just below 50 pins. I am not saying that I will be the best. Nor am I saying that I'm the worst bowler ever. But it is always fun to throw a heavy ball and watch the pins (or pin) fall.

We spent over a couple of hundreds of dollars on games and shoe rentals. So. I think we should seriously think of going during non-peak periods. Like after midnight. Or during office hours.

Hmmm ... How do you think we'll bargain for those time ?

*winks*

PSP Addiction

Yup.

The Boyfriend's got it. He's currently addicted to this game called "Puzzle Quest". I can't say I blame him really. I was addicted to it before I introduced the mechanics of the game to him. And now ? We are fighting over who gets to play the PSP.

Previously Boyfriend was so cockily saying that the game was just a glorified, up-market "Bejeweled". And now, he's more addicted to it than I am. Anyways, it's good that he has re-discovered the joy of gaming. For a moment I thought my geeky boyfriend is of the mutated non gaming variety.

Phew.

That makes it easier for me to indulge in my gaming nature. Midtown Madness, wait for me ! :)

Cricket ...

Yes I understand the freaking game !!!

I know cricket, I know cricket .... *sings in a falsetto*

It's actually is a pretty fun game. So far, my allegiance is with Team Sri Lanka. My favourite bowler ? Malinga. He's a mad crazy bowler kinda guy. :D

Anyways, I understand the game and that's the most important thing. Boyfriend's addicted to all things Man Utd and I am now a fan of cricket. Although Boyfriend said that the reason I enjoyed it much was because it was just the ICC World Twenty20 matches. He told me that the real test to enjoying the game is when the Test Series comes on.

For now, I'm just happy that we both appreciate each other's favourite sport to watch. :)

Help the Cancer Kids

Hello people, I am writing here for the second time in 2 years in aid of the Children's Cancer Foundation.

Please visit Boyfriend's page and donate generously to the foundation.

Ultimately whoever name you donate under, they are all acting on behalf of this organisation.

Sick Leave

Boyfriend is on sick leave these next 2 days. It's been a hard time for us these few weeks. Our morale, motivation for work has dropped way below the approved drop zone. Our trust in people in the work place is zilch, zero, nil, nada.

I wish for things to be different. For people to be less stubborn. For people to be more courteous. When common decency had ceased to exist, what's the point of continuing the facade ?

I've been called for a job interview today. However, due to a few unforseen matters, I had to postpone it. I may or may not get the call up again but in a way, it had boosted a little of my confidence level.

It's telling me, "Hey, you are still wanted in the workforce ! Just keep on applying and very soon you will get what you've been striving for."

Dear, I hope you don't lose hope. There are companies out there looking for people of your calibre and moral aptitudes. Don't lose heart. I pray for you and for everyone else searching for a job in this tough times.

Bless be to all who seek the way to the light. Let no one drag you back to the dark sight of reality. Take care all !

First Year Birthday Boy !!!

To Fat Boy No. 2 (FB No.2) ....

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY !!!!!

Come and see me at my place to pick up your birthday present !

Your Fav. Aunt. :)

New Passport

Step 2 of 2: Enquiry Result
Thank you for using APPLES.
The status of your application is as follows:
NRIC/BC Number : SXXXX312C
Name : XXXX HELXXX XXXXX XXXX
Application Reference No. : P/20090603XXXXXSIP
Date of Application : 03/06/2009
Status of application : APPROVED

Please come personally to collect the passport from 08/06/2009 onwards.
If you wish to collect your passport on a specific date and time, you may book an appointment with ICA at
https://eappointment.ica.gov.sg. Applicants who book an appointment to collect their passports and come on time can expect to
be served within a shorter time. Please note that passport collection on Saturdays are strictly by appointment only.

Children must also be present with the consenting parent/guardian to collect their passports.

Items to Bring/Actions to Take:
1. APPLICANT'S IDENTITY CARD
2. CURRENT PASSPORT
If you have included your child in your passport, child deletion form (if applicable) can be downloaded at our website
http://www.ica.gov.sg/downloads/serv_citizen/Form_IMM_E_11B.pdf.
Passport Collection Hours (at ICA)
Monday to Friday : 8.00 am to 4.30 pm (Appointment Preferred)
Saturday : 8.00 am to 12.30 pm (Strictly by Appointment)

3D Movie Event

Dearest and I went to catch two movies last evening. Movie night. Ah, how I loved movie nights. We caught Monsters Vs Aliens in 3D format and Star Trek. They were awesome !

Honestly, I didn't expect Star Trek to be so non-nerd friendly. I had my reservations when Dearest suggested that movie, well, being a non-Trekkie fan and all. But it was pretty palatable to me. The action sequences were actually well shot and the images were brilliant. Storyline is basically about good versus evil and how the good guys will triumph over the bad guys when they work together. Yadda ... Yadda ... Yadda .... But what fascinates me the most about the movie was the fact that non-Trekkies were not alienated (no pun intended) ! Most excellent !

The 3D feature ? It was excellent. We saw some upcoming movie trailers in 3D and man, don't I want to part extra money for the chance to catch them in 3D format !

And tonight ? Tonight, we'll be watching Angels & Demons. Hopefully it'll not be disappointing.

Now, I'm gonna catch a wee bit of snooze time. More updates later. :)

Where things are shit

Just plain shit. I am unhappy in an unhappy place. I like my work, I hate my boss and the other fucking retard colleagues. When did this state of mind come about ? Through the unfairness of their practices. Through the backstabbing of someone we thought we trusted. Every day that I dragged myself to work is because of the fact that it's something I need to do in a day.

The drudgery of waking up, getting dressed and setting off to work is certainly not fun. Nothing's fun anymore. I asked myself day in, day out, why am I still here ? Why am I still in a dead end job with nothing to look forward to except sharing some time with the less irksome people ?

I come up empty every time I question myself. My fault ? Not fitting in ? Or no longer wanting to fit in ? There are so many times when I just rant and rave and curse the injustice but what did I achieve ? Not a damn thing I can buy for my sanity.

I'm tired. So darn tired of fighting, keeping my game face on every day. How much longer ? I need an out. I want an out.

O
U
T

Man U - Asia tour in Malaysia

It's now down to 2 tour companies. One that is of good repute and comfortable coaches. The other provides mineral water.

Hmmm .... Which one do we choose then ?

A lost is a lost is a lost

We lost the Champs League. We were not even close to the standards set by Barcelona. Quite disappointing, really.

Well then. No point harping on this, yes ?

Better luck, next season.

When Ayu turns 8

Eldest niece.

Precious, smart girl.

When the best is always unexpected. When the good is always hidden. When a blessing is from unforseen circumstances.

Happy 8th Birthday, Darling Ayu !

Passport records available online‏

Dear All,

Kindly check your passport data is available there or not!

I WAS SHOCKED TO READ THIS:

Passport records available online

I have just received an e-mail stating that the personal information in our passports are now available online due to the move for globalized screening of entries and exits of people in most, if not all countries.

These information have been accessed through the Schengen, American, Australian and Asian database.

It is scary that they are doing this now. It does not only invade our privacy, but exposes us to danger, if these information land on the wrong hands. The matter that gives me a fright is that there is no strict form of security to access the site. One only needs to type his name and country of citizenship and the passport's identification page displays.

I myself tried to search and found my passport and was totally stunned to see it.

Please copy and paste the below link.

http://www.scrolllock.nl/passport/

Easy come, easy go

I am freaking broke ! Went out for lunch last Saturday and somehow, I got into my generous mode and paid for lunch. Honestly. I keep thinking that I have mucha, mucha moolah to spend on things.

Which I don't.

Anyways, I dread to see my credit card bill for this coming month. I think I will faint. Hmmm .... I know I will definitely faint.

Gimme the strength to resist the spending and start the saving ! :D

When I behave like a petulant little girl

I am deserving of the treatment I get from my fellow man. Being a petulant little girl is great ! No wonder you see so many brats lurking around in your peripheral vision. So here I am.

Being a petulant brat who is bent on throwing her tantrums.

Happy Birthday (Belated)

In the voice of Ayu, Yayah, Ahmad and Abi

Happy Birthday to you,

Your father kill you,

Your mother cook you,

Everybody eat you !

We had roast chicken last night ...

To be sure

Is not to be sure.

So what is my current mental state ? Weird. Last night was worse. I was acting like a big baby again. Tell me, should I be punished ? Well. In a sense, I had hope to be a grown up about things. But then shit happens, again and again.

And so. We will be having that conversation again.

Wish me luck.

Day off

Took the Ma for her Ortho appointment. It took us a good 5 hours in the hospital. What with the waiting around to see the doc, the waiting to get her wound checked, the waiting to get the meds, the waiting for lunch and stuff.

So no hope of me going back to the office to finish up some stuff.

Ah wells.

Gives me more time to read TCON, then.

Later.

And so ...

I forgot to replenish my coffee supply. My instant coffee powder ? Finito. I have milk and sugar but no coffee.

My head hurts now. Headache due to non caffeine consumption. I am stuck getting the cold cans of Nescafe (Mocha) from the vending machines downstairs. I need to bum off a coupla packs of 3-in-1 instant coffeemix. Or get another can of Nescafe from the vending machine downstairs.

I miss my boyfriend !!! Loads and loads of hugs and kisses in store for the Dear one.

*muacks*

As seen (Part 2)

As seen on the back of the HartBeat Love Candy - Blackcurrant Flavoured :

The bigger they come,
the harder they fall.

As seen (Part 1)

As seen on the back of the HartBeat Love Candy - Honey Dew Flavoured :

True love...conquers all.

~Kita Ditakdirkan Jatuh Cinta~ By Spring

Dedicated to the one I love.

Ku tak tahu mengapa tiba-tiba sahaja
Di dalam hati ini sering rindu padamu
Ingin ku meluahkan tak berdaya

Ku tahu engkau jua sangat sayang padaku
Kau pun sering merindu bila tidak bertemu
Ternyata kau dan aku pendam rasa

Kau dan aku
Sudah ditakdirkan bertemu
Dan tiba-tiba kita jatuh cinta

Ini semua sudah suratan ilahi
Dan kita harus hadapi kenyataan

Biar apapun terjadi aku harap engkau tabah
Menerimaku sebagai teman barumu
Sehingga kita saling sayang
Bahagia

Janganlah engkau pergi selagi dihatiku
Masih menyayangi mu
Oohhh sayangku

Bila sehari tak pandang
Aku rindu...

Happy Birthday !!

To: Wawa,

Dearest Sis.

For your birthday is the start of the Family Birthdays. The Last One among the sisters. The youngest and cherished by everyone. Happy, happy birthday baby!

May all your hopes and dreams be realised. May your own family flourished and be content always. May you receive blessings, love and kindness to those you bestow yours upon.

I love you, sis !

Allah bless you and your family and may you live long and happy to see the fruits of your labour.

*hugs*

From: Second Sis.

Mood most foul

I am trying to sleep early these days. There is little motive for me to be up late on the long weekend because nothing interesting ever happens. I can't catch any of the BPL actions as I'm cableless. My usual fix of weekend football come from the Dear one. And you know where he is.

So there.

I have eventually finished reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Hmmm ... It's a pretty hefty book, over 600 pages long but it was an easy read to an extent. However, if I drop the reading after more than 2 days, I need to catch up on the characters. Which I did. Which is why it took me that looooooooooooong to complete the read. I am normally not that w-o-l-s.

So anyways. I was thinking of reading Stardust so that we could watch the recorded movie when Dear comes back but well. The book's at his place and wont as I like to "breaking and entering", I will not do such a thing. Lest his housemates call the cops on me. Or lest Dear has to pay extra for me to hold his keys.

*sighs*

Guess I will have to try to finish The Chronicles of Narnia (Book 1 - 7) then.

I want my BF back !!! I want him back this weekend.

Not a possibility, hence I will sleep early. Man U be damned.

Choices

Have I ever mentioned before that April is my favourite month ? It's the month, many, many years ago that my parents were expecting me to make an appearance.

But now ? April sucks. April is when I get left behind. For at least a week or two, I'd get left behind. It's now two years in a row. Last year, for half a month I was abandoned. This year, it's a week. It hurts more this year because we are a year old now.

I don't like this feeling of abandonment. What's the point of a birthday month when you get left behind by someone dearest to you ?

April sucks. Go away and don't greet me for another year. When I will be left behind again.

:(

Mood: Sad

Discharged

So after 8 days in the hospital, Mother is being released today. Initially the doctor wanted to let her out on Tuesday but Mother was adamant that she gets more bed rest. Hence, rest she did.

Dear had been the champion these whole time Mother was in. He's been with me visiting the whole time she was hospitalised. Thank you, Love. You know you didn't have to do it and yet you did stay by my side. Dislike as you did with the one who shall not be named, you still supported me. Thank you.

Having brought Mother home safely, I needed to pop by Home Nursing Foundation to arrange a nurse to come once every two days to change my Ma's wound dressing. Everything is settled, hopefully.

The nurse will come by tomorrow and I will have to learn to clean and change the dressing as I believe my Elder Sis will be squeamish.

Ah wells. Part time nurse, here I become !

April Fool

And the fool's me.

Foolish and stupid. He's going to leave me this month. For at least a week. :(

Mom's okay but I'm a fool because obviously she's a poor thing. Her being scammed is a poor thing. Then I'm a fool for being scammed by her, no ?

Fool, yeah that's me.

And he said, "More work!"

Idiot, of course, more work for you.

Because you are an effing imbecile. If you had monitored and followed up on the kids who have yet to pay, you would have gotten the list done.

If you are not such a lazy arsed bum, you will collect the payments personally and realised that your 15% of uncollected exam fees were dued to other people's collection.

Lazy arsed bugger !!!

Go and freaking complain to your goonhead's face instead of muttering under your breath. Arseeffingholedeffer ...

Eat shit and die, arseholes !

If things were not so different

It's been coming gradually. The feeling of unease did not dissipate over time. You know the bad feeling you have at the base of your stomach everytime you think something's not right is going to happen. A few things then happened and you think that that's the bad thing and that bad feeling will go away.

But it didn't.

And so the story goes, how my Ma had to be hospitalised again. The same old issue, the same old disease. The same old remedy ?

It's been said time and again that as we age, we become more set in our ways. More than ever, we choose not to listen to what's good and beneficial for us. I admit, I do fall into that category. As they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The same streak of obstinance runs in me and my sisters. And the bull-headedness did not just start from my folks. It goes way back to their parents and parents' parents time.

And so.

Although wont as I want to write about my complete year with the Dear one, I must remember that all joy comes with the tears ...

:'(

Bad things happen and bad things happen in threes. I feel like shit every time I think of my act of human kindness (as mentioned by the Dear one). So, another change. Another lifestyle re-consideration for the folks not in the know.

I still feel depressed everytime I am reminded of the stupid texts and calls and emails.

Sorry Dear for being a grumpy pot on some days. I love you, dear heart. Thank you for being there and providing that listening ear and shoulder to cry on. Also for making me laugh and forgetting the unfortunate act even for that short moment in time.

*hugs*

Bad Blood

"Wealth is like a game of cards. The card that you have dealt represents determinism; the way you play it is free will."

So the key word is to chance it. Believing in things will be better is well and fine if you live an immortal life. However, since our lives are fixed at "X" number of years, you would be better off to get things done, at a faster rate. Taking things slow and easy is for cowards.

Well, everyone.

I am a coward.

Live with it.

*stickstongueout*

That's not right ...

Give me a chance to rant. Give me another opportunity to say things I don't agree with. Then prove to me that what I said is not of importance. I will bow my head in your greatness. I will shit my pants to make sure you are comfortable. I will do anything in my power to preserve the sanctity of your precious good opinions.

I want out.

After the meet up with my old poly mates I realised that my life don't mean shit to anyone else's. True, I have the love of a good and kind man. Is that enough when compared to another person who has the love of a good and kind family with plenty of career opportunities as bragging rights !

So now. I really want an out from my dead end job. It's a thankless and fruitless labour. Maybe I am just a case of misplaced loyalty. *sighs*

Dear God, grant me the strength to see through these trying times. I am forever in your debt for the life I've been given. Thank you.

Shut it ... Shut it, NOW !

It's been a long and tiring day for me today. I had to do a little running around to get some cat biccies. It was all my fault because I should have done the running around a few days ago. But nooooo ... What did I do ? Just vegetate at home, rotting my mind and my teeth.

Hahahah ...

Anyways I have to do a fair bit of running around in the next week, both to ICA and the medical clinic because I "have" to cover for a colleague who's on leave for two freaking weeks. It's not enough that I have to do the application of Student's Passes online, monitor the validity of the Visit Passes, updating of the personal data of the students on the school database system (covering for the imbeciles who didn't complete their simple tasks), updating the class records, on top of the routine re-printing of timetable and assisting all those who appear at the counter, I also have to do the running around for medical appointments for the newly approved Student's Passes for the kids and the completion of formalities which requires me to "pop by" ICA. Which is an understatement because no one "pops by" ICA. They go there and waste hours and hours of their precious time ! Freak !

I have to use my own money to cover mine and the kids transport to and fro school. I have to use my own funds to pay for the cost of the Student's Pass. Freak and double freak !!!

Okay, I am seriously feeling the unjustness of the division of work in the office. Good thing my knight in shining armour had volunteered to help me. Thanks, Dearie ! *muacks*

If say that I need to go on a few days leave, I will be subjected to the Spanish Inquisition from "my Boss". But not for this colleague. It's like claims for Time Off and Annual Leave for some "colleagues" are given by the "Boss" without batting his eyelids. The freak, right ?

So anyways, just heard from the "Boss" that there will be a wage freeze until further notice. It could last until July or even to the end of the year. Ah, freak ! And they called me the slacker. Freak, double and triple freak, yes ?

*fumes*

Six Feet Under

Well, that would be me. Needing to claw the earth to breathe. Spitting out the cotton wool placed in my mouth when the last rites were performed. Having to untie the knots at the top of my head and at the places that kept my limbs in place. Finally climbing out of the grave covered in nothing but clay, earth and a white shroud gone brown.

That would be me once my Ma is done with me.

Guilt, sadness, fear, deep seated everything is inherent in my being. I am NOT a good person. Not as good as everyone wants me to be. Ah.

Manic depressive, thy name is Hel.

Unearthed another tv programme. A few seasons and Emmys too late. Loved the pilot. Enjoyed the second episode. Missed the third. Ah wells.

Such is life, no ?

Post Lunar New Year

Hullo life. Or non life. Or virtual life. Yeah, virtual life is just about right.

So.

Hullo, virtual life. Getting through to making something worth reading is really tough. To be bitten by the writing bug is like making me crack my pretty little head. So take heed and take care, sweetness.

It's my tenth month anni with the Dear one today. I have been spending the two days of the public holidays with him. Kinda like an old married couple. Bliss on most occasions with a little "disagreements" added in. It's a long and hard journey we've been through. Me with my temper tantrums tendencies. Him with his "disapproving" family. Honestly though, we've been good for each other.

Yes, I do nag him. Yes, he did "force" me to not skip meals. True, that we both behave like babies sometimes and no arguments there when we agree on most subjects. We are good for each other.

So there.

When my virtual life goes out of action, my real life takes precedence. I don't begrudge the loss. Rather, I'll celebrate the new found freedom of life.

Take care and take heed, fellas. For life is transient and fortune does not usually fall on your lap even with the extra effort put in. Love and live and then we will die later.

Cheers, 'mate ...

Australia

We went to watch this movie on Dear's SFS membership card thingy. The idea of the movie was lovely. Action, adventure, romance, song and a dance. Afterall, Mr Baz Luhrmann directed the film and as you remember Moulin Rouge and Strictly Ballroom, singing and dancing will always be incorporated in his films.

Liked it ? Loved it ? A mix feeling at the end of the film. Feel good movies do that to me. A cast of mainly unknowns in our film context plus a wicked accent and naked hot bod of Hugh Jackman kinda gave a little rah-rah at times. And the ever so ethereal and regal Nicole Kidman was a delight to watch. Added that va-voom to the already beautiful scenery.

The coming of age story of a half breed aborignal boy at a time when racism was at its highest plucked a chord in my heart strings. If we do get married and have kids, our kids will be half breeds. Will they still face the same biasness and inequality as those kids from more than half a century ago ? Or will this worry be a moot point because who knows if the Dear one and I will be together before this year ends ?

Hahaha. Morbid. Dear, please don't be sad or angry or even cheesed off. I am just thinking and wondering. Someone's gotta to put a dirty sock in the laundry, yes ? Well. Talking about laundry, tonight could be laundry night !

Greetings and Salutations

My dear, kind readers,

I must regret to inform you that updates on Silentscream will be done sporadically. The owner of the blog page is undergoing some major insufficient time in a day. I will probably be able to provide more updates on this page if given an additional 6 hours in a day. Perhaps, the best option if for me to be on Mars where the days are longer with double the Earth years.

I am hoping for your kind understanding and patience while I work through so many things for clearance and exit. Let me then say thank you for your time and comments throughout the years the blog is in existence. It's a pity that I lost so many comments because I was using an external comment page before blogger came up with this current comment links. I appreciate all the words of encouragement, jokes and "dates" posted before.

If I should not live to see tomorrow, remember that you are loved today.

Pocket Adventures

"The road to wealth is either a daring adventure or nothing."

Adventure or nothing, eh ?

How about a pocketful of adventures ?

*winks*

New Year 2009

The year past was 2008.
The year future will be 2010.
The year present is 2009.

Good year, better luck, tough choices, still.

:)