Honestly speaking, I feel like giving up on life right now. Ma had just mentioned some things. The same old things that happened before. OM's acting up again.
Apparently today while we were out for the medical appointment, OM's no good for nothing, better off dead, blood sucker brother came. Well. My deadbeat uncle, in not so many words. Came for free food. Came for money. So when we arrived home, OM had asked the Ma for money again. Seriously. WTF, man.
Here I am working my ass off for that income to support the 3 of us and there he is giving out the money I earned like some kinda endless flowing water. I'm just so sad and frustrated right now. I know the Ma is feeling the pressure too. Come on, think OM. Where would Ma get the money from if not from me ? Right now, Ma needed someone to talk to. To let out her feelings of sadness and frustrations and here I am cooped up in my room, posting this entry for all to see.
I'm ashamed to say, I cannot handle it. I don't want to handle it. I've handled it before and in turn what did I get ? Being called names, that's what. Being called a bastard. My Ma, ES and YS all advised me to just ignore the words spoken in the heat of the moment. But how could I when I've done the good thing and tried to provide for everyone. In turn, I put my life on hold. I held back with my previous guys. And then when I thought I could be me with my current guy, the guilt trips keep coming at me at light speed.
So. I am so tired of this battle. I tried to fight. I tried and I tried and yet I come up empty. I disappoint my Ma. I disappoint myself. I feel like I am ready to leave this life. I want to go, perhaps then the people around me will be happier. Perhaps I will not be such a disappointment anymore.
Mood: Sad, frustrated, suicidal.
1 comment:
Oh no sis! Plz try to cheer up a bit! If i know u are going to suffer like this, i won't leave u alone at that house. At least if i am around, i could help a bit your financial.
I didn't know that OM is doing this attitude again. Just be patience ya. I am always be with u no matter what. Do talk to me when you feel like letting go your heart out. I always and will always by your side.
Hope that i can cheer up your day today. I LOVE U SIS. *winks* =)
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