Fie, Sha and Me !

We met up after almost a year of non meeting. As always, the 3 of us could always pick up from where we left off.

We had dinner and coffee at CoffeeBean in VivoCity. The arranged time was supposedly half past six but because both Fie and Sha finished work at six and needed to travel there, it was pushed to after seven. Unofficially, that is.

Knowing that I had plenty of time to kill, I tagged Cheeky Monkey around Chinatown for an errand to run for his friend. We had dinner together before I left to meet the gals. I then arranged to meet up with CM again after the meet up with the gals.

The plan was to initially go back to his place. Then I changed my mind because Ma and Elder Sister had a fall out due to a misunderstanding earlier in the day. I felt terrible and so decided to head on home after meeting the gals. I was actually on half day on Friday and because of the fall out, I could barely function in the office.

Poor CM, had to bear the brunt of my unpredictability. Case in point. I changed my mind again and decided to go back to his place after all. Not for a sleepover as I initially wanted.

The gals eventually decided to head on home about 11 and by then CM had arrived at VivoCity. We stayed there for another half hour or so after the gals left and he presented me with earrings.

Earlier, I had jokingly asked him when am I receiving any jewellery from him. I told him that I don't need for him to give me anything expensive or to even give me a ring. I love earrings so I told him he could get me that. Or studs. I don't mind. :D He instead got me a pair of dangly, red cubic zirconia earrings ! I so heart him ! My wonderful, thoughtful baby !

When we got back to his place, I modelled the earrings for him. It looked soooooooo gorgeous ! We rested for a while, hoping to take turns for a shower. The next thing I realised was when CM roused from sleep saying, "Babe, it's 3.30 am."

I'm like, "Oh, no ! I need to go home like an hour ago !" ! I sat up in bed but CM was holding my middle, telling me to have a bit of cuddle and I'm like, sure, let me check if my sisters are still out fishing (BTW, Younger Sis texted me earlier in the night that both ES and YS and hubbies are going fishing. She told me that if Ma called, she can cover and said I went with them. Bless ! :D). They were still out so I went out. And the next thing I knew, it was an hour later ! And I really needed to go home.

As it is, the cats will be up at 5 / 5-ish and once the cats are up, so will the parents. So I quickly, woke CM again to tell him I really needed to go. Poor baby. I felt so guilty having to disturb his sleep.

Anyways, caught a cab home and was home before the cats woke up. After showering, I stayed up to have breakfast and played Midtown Madness. Finally went back to bed by 8 am. Then 2 hours later, Ma called my mobile. She wanted to know where I was. So I told her I was in the room. She asked which room ? I said, mine of course ! Then she put down the phone, checked on me and I went back to sleep.

Well ... I have just woken up fully, about 2 hours ago. Still feeling lethargic, though.

Good Friday night ? You bet. A repeat ? Never, say never, no ?

Me, sleepy; You, don't care

Well, here I am. Trying my darnest to fall asleep. The eyes are calling out for help. They need a reprieve from the conscious world in order to succumb to the subconscious world.

Alas !

The mind refuses to stop thinking. Yes, I've had my dinner. Yes, I've taken my showers. All I need now is a lie down on a comfy mattress. Then my mind can be free to roam the dream state.

All right then. I'm gonna have to resort to something I've not done in a long while.

Popping pills.

Yeah, as if.

I'm gonna read. Make the eyes so tired that they just refused to listen to the brain. :D

Goodnight, people ! :)

Time for, new change

New change of colour for my room, that is. In fact for the whole house. The itch to repaint the walls and spruce up the spare room is bugging me so.

 

If I could, I would love to create a doorway between my room and the spare room. Initially I really wanted to break the wall separating the two rooms but it's just too troublesome to obtain a permit from HDB just so I could get a "bigger" room. So I'd settle for another entrance.

 

Well, currently that room is like a huge store room. With a walk in closet, mine and the parents and the kids. Yup, imagine the condition of the room. Clothes, clothes and more clothes.

 

So.

 

I promise, I will do up my room and once I'm happy with the result, I will do up the other room. My project for this year. I know, I will procrastinate. As I do with everything else. So, please a gentle reminder will do.

 

Happy Thursday, everyone !

Generating Extra Income

I heard through the whispering winds that there are more readers to my blog page than I had previously thought.

Hmm ... I wonder why there was such silence on the comment page. Maybe the posts are good enough to read but not that good to comment on ?

Right. Send me words, people. Encouraging words. Discouraging words. Anything. Just post a word. I need to know the numbers of the readers to this "humble" page.

Perhaps with a good enough number, I could start generating extra income through my musings.

Hahaha ...

Read my blog to make me a little bit richer ? Rich enough to educate myself to make my blog page nicer ? Lifelong learning, people. Help me to help myself !

*winks*

Resistance is futile

Attraction is mutual.

Desire is burgeoning.

Chemistry is inherent.

Laughter is essential.

Life is worth living. I may not wake up tomorrow. I may suffer from a debilitating illness overnight. I may even lose my sanity. But one thing is constant in my life.

W-O-R-K !!!

Guess what I did earlier today (or rather yesterday) ? I went back to the office even though I was on a full day leave. Work is never done, mine, that is. Finally left the office late, after completing part of the urgent tasks. Guess, I'm a fast worker, no ?

*sighs*

Sometimes I wonder, why do I even bother ? I work hard and I'm told I "spoilt the market". I slack a little and a hundred, no, thousand arrows rain on my back. I can't win, could I ?

*sighs*

Strength.

I pray for mental strength. I pray for continued patience. I know not everyone is "perfect" like me. :P

Sunday I'll be fine

What to do today ?

What to do to fill up my time today ?

Ah.

I know.

Go back to the office to work !

Excellente !!

Or just plain nuts ...

*winks*

Beatles Mania

I'm still awake ! I can't believe it that I managed to keep my eyes open until now to watch music vids on YouTube.

Ah.

But then they are not just any other music vids.

It's the Fab Four !!!

I love The Beatles !!!

:D

~ Hurt - Christina Aguilera ~

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

Mum's the word

Well.

I accompanied the Ma for her medical appointment this morning. Ma was the first patient to be seen by the doctor. We only had to wait less than half an hour before Ma was called in for her appointment.

Bad news ? Somewhat. Her blood glucose level was high enough for the doctor to suggest insulin jabs because she was taken off metformin due to her elevated liver enzymes level. Ma immediately turned pale. I was expecting this but not in my wildest dream that it would be true.

The doctor sensed our reluctance and decided to up her dosage of her glibenclamide tablets from 3 to 4 a day. She will then have to come back in 10 weeks time, hopefully with good blood test results. If her blood glucose level is below 10 mmol/L, then there isn't a need for the jabs.

I kinda nagged her a little after we were done in the doc's room. The doc advised her to watch her diet, take her pills regularly (as in, without fail !) and exercise. Basically I told her the choice is up to her. If she chose to continue as is, then insulin injection is required to help her blood to not retain too much glucose. If she chose to follow the doc's advice than insulin is something that we could avoid. Maybe not forever, but at the very least not in the near future.

I hope she hears me. And listen. *sighs*

Talking about listening, the YS had a bit of a scare 2 days ago. She was telling she's having stomach pains while at work. Then when we had the birthday dinner, again she mentioned of the pain. I thought it might just be indigestion. Then early Thursday morning, she was not at work and I did get a little worried.

Ma thought she might be in labour. So YS and hubby went down to KK for a checkup. Turns out to be a false alarm she said. Perhaps Hakim Mudim just wanted to make his presence felt ? Haha ... I should have listened ? Or rather she should have listened when we suggested she go to KK that Wednesday night ? Thankfully, it was not something so serious. But still. I can't imagine the pain. *shudders* Poor sis !

So anyways, the YS also went down for her routine checkup today. Apparently now that she's close to her due date, her appointments are scheduled weekly. She needed someone to accompany her next week and she asked if I could. I should be able to as I still have plenty of leave to clear, I hope. :D

Oops. This is turning out to be a longer post than it should be. It's Saturday tomorrow. I've got no plans. Date me, anyone ? *winks*

Me and myself

It's so nice to be in the office right now. Everything's quiet. Both R and Mr G are on leave. Ellen and Boss are on a business trip. It's just me and Jeff, holding the fort.

And seriously, what a good fort to hold. I need to focus more on work rather than posting on my blog page every so often. Hahaha ...

My excuse for today ? Haha. You know my excuse.

P/S: David Cook won the American Idol. Rock on !

Champions !!!

The undisputed Champion club.

MANCHESTER UNITED

Champion of England.

Champion of Europe.

Glory, glory Man United !!!!

Champs League

It's about to start.

The final match of the Champions League between Chelsea and Manchester United. I will update the results as soon as it is available !

Glory, glory Man United !!

:D

His text message

We are such a pair. Guess the reason I'm having trouble concentrating? :-) I miss you babe. This is bad right? We can't stand to be separated for just a while.
From: Cheeky Monkey
19:18 21-May-08

Above was a response (I think !) from this text I sent him, after a phone call on the way home.

Forgot to tell you. I miss you loads! XXX all over!
To: Cheeky Monkey
Sent: 21-May-08 18:11

Happy Birthday, Ayu !

My lovely, wonderful, precocious Eldest Niece.

You are the firstborn.
You are the favourite.
You are the smart one.
You are the quick-witted sibling.

Auntie loves you. Everyday that you are around, life's never too dull.

Listen to your grandparents and parents. Take care of the younger ones. Be steady in your studies and strive the best you can to achieve your goals.

Have fun. Always.

Happy 7th Birthday, my dear !!

*muacks*

Afternoon Delight :D

I popped over to CM's place during lunch hour today. Or should I say lunch hours ? Haha.

I had to go to the POSBank to get a new bank book and I thought we could lunch together as CM mentioned that he wanted to attempt to study out of the house. And so, I thought, "Hey wouldn't it be nice to meet my guy for lunch since I can't meet up after work ?". So I rang him and he's at home, studying. I felt bad for intruding on his study time but he okayed the lunch idea. Hence, after settling my stuff at the bank, I went over to his place.

He sauteed salmon and made carrot and tomato salad. My guy can cook !!! Love him to bits for that. Hehe ... I could learn to live the life of his cooking. *winks*

Another half hour to go before I call it a day from the office. Feeling a little blearghhhh at the moment. Need another jolt of caffeine even though this will be my third shot for the day. I might just get a little too jittery ... Well, I would rather be jittery than suffer the effects of a mild headache. Heh.

All right then. I will make another cup of coffee. My guy just texted me ... Hehe ... Flirting over the mobile right now ...

Happy Vesak Day !!!

I have just arrived home from the office. Just in time to catch the third episode of Prison Break 3. I would actually have arrived home much, much earlier if I had not waited to try out a new bus service.

I left the office at about 7.25 pm and caught the bus to Orchard Road in less than 10 minutes. I reached City Hall before 8.30 pm and that's when the waiting game started. I had to wait almost 1.5 hours for the City Shopper Bus 575. No matter, I am not complaining because this service is damn fast and damn convenient. I can take this bus from Orchard Road and alight at the bust stop opposite my flat.

So.

No complaints at all.

Well.

Aside from the long waiting time.

Anyways, I am super exhausted right now. And hungry. I had lunch with CM at Bukit Batok Central and a carrot at about 5-ish ? Gosh ... I can't keep track of my time anymore. I need a good shower. Nice, cold shower.

Ah wells. Good thing I don't need to leave the house so early tomorrow. Small miracles. :)

So anyways, to all my friends celebrating this holy day, Happy Vesak Day !!!

Birthday cake order

I went out with YS and her hubby to Bengawan Solo earlier. The plan was to go with the Ma to place a cake order for Ayu. The Eldest Niece (EN) will be celebrating her 7th birthday this coming Wednesday.

I'd decided on a Winx Club cake as I remembered that she absolutely adores that show. So last week, when I popped by Shop N Save with the Ma, I picked up a leaflet from Bengawan Solo featuring the cakes with Winx. So earlier in the day today, I called up ES to find out from her EN's favourite character. It turned out to be Stella. So after deciding on the weight, type and filling of the cake, I placed the order.

YS volunteered to pick up the cake for me on Wednesday, as she finishes work much earlier than me. I told her without the excuse of an errand, I may never return home in time for the candle blowing session. Case in point, OM's birthday celebration.

So after placing the order, I went a little berserk at Shop N Save. Shopping for fruits for the week. I bought apples, pears, grapes, guava and carrots. I know, I know ... Crazy, but they were for my breakfast ! Hahaha ... When I brought cherry tomatoes, apple and carrot for breakfast last week, Jeff called me a horse. I told him to give me a sugar cube so I can be a proper horse ! And just the other day, he laughed and said my meals are like animal feed ! No matter. I am the one losing the excess weight, not him !!!

Ah ... Online with my lovely. Gonna have a bit of natter with him ... :D

For the record, he just gave me a scare !!! Naughty, naughty boy !

Correct me if I'm wrong

If I'm at fault and you're positive I'm wrong, please. Point out the fault. Correct me while I still have the time to be corrected. I've made mistakes. I've done stupid things. I've lied. So, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Totally crashed !

I'm so wiped out. I just got home less than 3 hours ago. I'm so gonna crash and bleed out tonight and the best part of tomorrow too.

Again I didn't come home last night. I felt sooooooo guilty for hanging out at CM's place when I know that he really needed the study time. I mean, I did tell him to say no but tell me, how can you say 'No' when the girl says 'Yes' ? Poor baby.

And worrying the folks ? That's unpardonable. My conscience is attacking me double time right now. I guess, I did asked for it. I should have gone straight home Friday night after the futsal match. It was a good match, to say the least. The guys were giving me too many chances, me being the only girl on the teams. Hahah ... Seriously. I guess I have to rope in other female staff for the next match !

So anyways, I'm gonna be home the rest of this long weekend. Hah. I hope I can. :D

Army fatigue wearing smiley bear

Well ... I'm kinda staring at her right now. It's a her because she's wearing an army motif skirt. Well. It did look like skirt to me. As you can see, I'm skiving off work. Too sian, is the word. Hahaha ... I need another break. Grant me ? *winks*

Feeling a little fed up with a work colleague. *sighs*

I promise, I will not let her attitude get me down. All right then. It's Friday. It's a long weekend, Monday being a public holiday. I had briyani for lunch. My guy's happy with me. Nothing to get me down, right ?

Then nothing shall get me down. I'm gonna head straight home tonight. CM's not free to hang out later, so I'm gonna catch up on my sleep. Room clean up commences tomorrow. Help !!!

Mood: Hmmmm ...

Good night, farewell ?

I had a scare last night. As mentioned in my earlier post, I was over at CM's place in the evening. This was after staying away from him for 4 days ... *sighs* So I thought I should just pop by for a while, leave by 8pm and reach home before 10pm. Guess what happened then ? I fell asleep and woke up close to 11 pm !

Panic ensued when I realised I napped with my contact lenses on !! For 2 freaking hours. Oh, CM napped too. We were both so concussed out that I only realised that I was sleeping soundly when he moved and said something (of which, I couldn't recall !).

So I dressed as quickly as I could and tried to make my way out but as you know, parting/leaving a comfortable place is not without its delays, no ? I eventually left his apartment after 11.30pm. Reached home just after midnight and tried to sleep. Haha ... My mind was so wide awake after a shower, I stayed up for a bit more.

I was not worried about waking up early today as Mariam is giving me a lift in her new car ! So here I am, in school ... Not quite awake but not sleepy either.

I have to get through another week of self-imposed exile from CM. Ah ... The making out/up is sure something to look forward to ! :D

Mood: Happy, delirious, joyful, slightly mad ! *winks*

Play dates

I texted Fie, Sha and Lainey yesterday. I'll be meeting up with Fie and Sha on the 30th of this month. Lainey couldn't make it because she might not be in Singapore then. I had set the date and location and Sha will be joining a bit later as she finishes work at 6. Fie had yet to respond regarding the location and time. I just hope that no last minute cancellation will take place.

After setting the date, I remembered the school event for that night. I just hope that I'm not needed that night. It would be sad if I had to be the one to cancel on them. It's been so long since I met up with them. I had invited them to my birthday BBQ but both were unable to attend. So technically, we have not seen each other for hmm ... Like forever.

So anyways, I better cut short this entry. I am hanging out at Cheeky Monkey's place and he'd just gone for a shower. Oh. He's back now ... Will update / post later !

Long winter ahead, perhaps ?

It's so freaking cold in the office right now. I'm freezing my cute buns off. Imagine ... Popsicles buns ... Hahaha ... I know only the one person who can appreciate it. :D

Just thought I post something now. Hahaha ... Alive and kicking still ! :D

Happy mid week, guys ! :D

Two words

I'm alive.

Thank you sis. I love you too.

Thank you CM. I'm sorry for the worry. I love you.

Thank you life. I appreciate you even at my darkest moment.

Attention seeking. My final two words.

I apologise for my dumb ass remarks. I know I am selfish. I make demands and I expect my demands to be met. To all the people I have offended, please accept my sincerest apologies. Saying sorry is not enough, I know but it's my first step.

Forgive me ?

Well ... Why do I even care ?

Honestly speaking, I feel like giving up on life right now. Ma had just mentioned some things. The same old things that happened before. OM's acting up again.

Apparently today while we were out for the medical appointment, OM's no good for nothing, better off dead, blood sucker brother came. Well. My deadbeat uncle, in not so many words. Came for free food. Came for money. So when we arrived home, OM had asked the Ma for money again. Seriously. WTF, man.

Here I am working my ass off for that income to support the 3 of us and there he is giving out the money I earned like some kinda endless flowing water. I'm just so sad and frustrated right now. I know the Ma is feeling the pressure too. Come on, think OM. Where would Ma get the money from if not from me ? Right now, Ma needed someone to talk to. To let out her feelings of sadness and frustrations and here I am cooped up in my room, posting this entry for all to see.

I'm ashamed to say, I cannot handle it. I don't want to handle it. I've handled it before and in turn what did I get ? Being called names, that's what. Being called a bastard. My Ma, ES and YS all advised me to just ignore the words spoken in the heat of the moment. But how could I when I've done the good thing and tried to provide for everyone. In turn, I put my life on hold. I held back with my previous guys. And then when I thought I could be me with my current guy, the guilt trips keep coming at me at light speed.

So. I am so tired of this battle. I tried to fight. I tried and I tried and yet I come up empty. I disappoint my Ma. I disappoint myself. I feel like I am ready to leave this life. I want to go, perhaps then the people around me will be happier. Perhaps I will not be such a disappointment anymore.

Mood: Sad, frustrated, suicidal.

Last game for EPL

Yay !

If Man U wins tonight, we are the champions.

If Chelsea wins tonight and we win as well, we are the champions.

I can smell the victory in the air ....

Oh no !

I binged !

I had half a packet of Doritos (Nacho Cheese flavoured! and it was the big packet too !! :Z) while I was watching Gilmore Girls earlier. ! Hence, I'm feeling soooooooo guilty right now ...

Now, even after the bit of shopping spree with the Ma, I'm still feeling guilty. No dinner for me tonight, that's a given ... So for tomorrow, I'm just gonna have an apple and a carrot for breakfast. I will bring an extra apple for lunch too ? Not sure ... My bag's kinda heavy these days. I've been carting around some important toiletries. :D CM knows what I mean. :D

So anyways, I took half a day off in the afternoon tomorrow. I needed to accompany the Ma for her next Gastroenterology appointment. Hopefully, the good doctor will give an all clean bill of her liver. *crosses fingers* Gonna be leaving the office at midday, sharpish. "Fly" back home and bring the Ma and Aaliyah to SGH. The appointment's slated for 3.45 p.m. Ample time, I hope. :) *crosses fingers*

Right then. Gonna hit the showers again soon. Feeling hot and sweaty after the trip down to Shop N Save. Not a bad place to get my fix of fruits and veg.

*yawns* Yeap. Gonna hit the sack too. I'm way beat because last night was spent over at CM's. Not that I did not get any zzzs but because it was insufficient ?

Hahaha ... I woke up periodically because I was such a bad girl. Guilt on the mind, makes a restless sleep. I will remember that the next time. :D

Mood: Guilty and Contented and Slumberous :Z and :D and :o

*winks*

Bad girl, bad girl ... Watcha gonna do when they come for you ?

I've strayed. My good girl image is just an image now.

I've just reached home about 2 hours ago. Again I was out the whole night. Doing God knows what to God knows whom. I hated the fact that I can't come clean. I have to lie to all those concerned about my whereabouts.

Yet.

If I didn't, the sound of hearts breaking and the disappointment etched on the faces will be in my mind's eye forever. To my conscience, that is the greater evil.

"So here I am with pockets full of good intentions. But none of them will comfort me tonight. I'm wide awake at 4 a.m. without a friend in sight. I'm hanging on a hope but I'm alright." The Carpenters - I Need To Be In Love

Foolish things I've done. The lies I've told. I'm ashamed of them all. I want to take them all back but then where will I be now ? Who will I be ? I can only hope I remember all the times I've promised not to. I hope my resolve is able to withstand the temptations.

In the name of God,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Another test day

I've always enjoyed administering timed tests and exams to people. It's such joy to see a myriad of expressions on the candidates' faces. Some are deep in thought, other are scratching their heads and yet, more often then not, you'll get candidates who just have that poker look on. These are the people who are confident of their answers. They know their stuff kinda people.

Me?

When I take exams ? I'll be busy nibbling / biting my writing instrument. Nervous wreck ? Thy name is "Hel" :D

~The Carpenters~ I Just Fall In Love Again

This song is dedicated to my Cheeky Monkey. Just because it's Friday and I love you. I will try to upload / post the video or song file soon. :D

Dreamin', I must be dreamin'
Or am I really lyin' here with you?
Baby, you take me in your arms,
And though I'm wide awake
I know my dream is comin' true.

And, oh, I just fall in love again;
Just one touch and then it happens every time.
And there I go, I just fall in love again, and when I do
Can't help myself I fall in love with you.

Magic, it must be magic,
The way I hold you and the night just seems to fly.
Easy, for you to take me to a star.
Heaven is that moment when I look into your eyes. (chorus)

Can't help myself I fall in love with you.

I feel the need

To lash out.

To scream my lungs out.

To exert pain on my joints and muscles.

To breathe hard, harder than normal.

To be someone else today.

To be a bitch.

That would be me today.

Mood: Oppressive (with sharp-edged horns, to break free)

Another Birthday wish ...

This time for my Dad.

I wish Happiness and Joy always.

Happy Birthday.

:D

Nobody loves me

Yes, it's true.

 

However, unlike Portishead's Sour Times, no one else does.

 

I sabotage my life. I sabotage all my relationships.

 

Do I even deserve the love given to me ?

 

I guess not.

 

Mood: Depressed. :l

Can we say, love ?

I am alone in the office at this time of the day. E is out somwehere gossiping with the "enemies". The guys of the GO are still not in yet. So here I am pouring out my woes and hmmm ... Sleepiness in this post.

Again, I reached home past midnight. So by the time I'd showered and rested, I was only able to doze off at half past one. Waking up at five in the morning when my alarm rang is such a bitch ! Gosh, why I do I always do this to myself ?

I promised him no more late nights but again, last night I lied.

So for tonight, I will be home early.

To rest and make sure, he'll get his rest too.

Happy Tuesday, people ! :D

Leave's over, so's my time of bliss

It's over, officially. For him, he had laid my ghost to rest. For me, it was over the minute I'd decided it was over. I'm just glad that he had stopped this notion of being friends. Once upon a time, I would like to be friends with my exes but then I grew up.

What is the whole point of remaining friends with the guys you'd shared your greatest moments with ? Once you've got that high, nothing else in the "friendship" can reach another climax. It would either go downhill or just plateau. So again, what is the point ? You've said goodbye and good luck and let's just remain that way.

So he came, said goodbye and good luck. I told him to be happy. No matter where and with whom. Though we only have a short moment together, some days were bliss. I remember and with no regrets nor anger.

I've got 13 years left to make amends. I must spend all those time to be with the right side of joy.

*hugs myself*

Mood: Introspective :$

Happy Birthday, Mother !

I love you like I love no one else.

I need you before I could need anyone else.

I pray for your well being, health and happiness.

I want to be the good daughter you always wanted me to be.

Mother, Happy Birthday.

I hope I get to celebrate another one with you on same date next year. :D

Saturday Morning Musings

What a glorious time to be alive !!

It's been a long while since I'd been tasked to monitor a roomful of students busy scribbling answers for timed exams. And thankfully, I'd managed to "work" two exams back to back this month. This week being the SAT and next week will be for the paper based TOEFL.

Sometimes, it's a pain having to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to make it in time to school where most of the external exams are scheduled. The plus point would definitely be the additional "pocket moolah" once the claims are cleared.

I must admit, that it does get a bit boring at times. Especially so when all the instructions and directions have been issued out at the very beginning of the test administration. It's definitely a challenge to keep the peepers open. More so if you had been on the phone with your sweetheart until after 1 am the night before !

Ah.

Speaking of which. I won't get to hang out with Cheeky Monkey this weekend. He's off watching a movie with his mates and I needed to spend more time with the people at home. Mother had been pretty suspicious with my claims of meeting up with friends these few days. A few times, she asked if I was meeting my boyfriend and denial was not just a river in Egypt !

Question.

Do I have a boyfriend ?

In the traditional sense of the word, not exactly, because we are not free to be that open with our relationship. Not for the lack of wanting. More for the decorum of societal views. Personally, I don't really care much what other people think. But he does. So out of respect for him, I am willing to go "undercover" and lie my pants off. Hahaha ... More denials.

He's a boyfriend because 1) he's my special guy and 2) we do special things together. Special as in we don't normally do with other friends. We are close to being exclusive with each other but both of us are not turning our backs to a potential mate later.

So then. How can I put a term to our relationship ?

A case of here today, gone tomorrow ? Potentially heartbreaks all round are expected. To stop would mean ... What exactly ? Would I want to now ? How could I consider that when just being away from him for a day, not hearing his voice causes me to break out in cold sweat.

I've got it bad for him. My drug of choice. And I believe he does too. I hope he does too and for a bit longer than 2 seconds. Because, Babe, I crave you. Almost all the time.

(Okay, for the record, this post was written when I was at my most sleepy moment in the second hour of invigilation. I was actually contemplating sending him a naughty text but I reckon I would not be around to alleviate any "arising" situation so it's better that I put my musings down on paper ! :D )

If I should fall down

My last thought would be I didn't get to say goodbye.

Yay (!) for me, guys. I've started to clean my room and wash/wipe down my windows and grills. I was doing just that when Cheeky Monkey rang. I ignored his 2 calls. Then a weird thought struck me. Well, if I should slip and fall down my twelve storeys high flat, I would never have been given the chance to say "Goodbye". To say "I love you".

So here I am.

Saying "Goodbye" and "I love you" to all those people who mattered most to me. Surely, you know who you are and surely you don't need me to type up a list. My last thought if I should breathe my last would now be, "Be okay with my absence. For life is impermanence".

Right.

Before I get everyone down again, I will sign offline now. I need to be up early tomorrow for the SAT invigilation. Hehe ... A bit of extra pocket moolah ? Or a better pressie for CM ? :D

Friday, I'll be good

So here I am.

At home.

Resting.

Not making much plans.

Needing to clean up the room and clear much rubbish before I get the new sofa in.

I am just too lazy to get started !!!

Elder Sister is so gonna kill me ! I promised her I'll get my room ready to receive the sofa by this week. And yet, look where I was yesterday. And the day before yesterday and the day before, before yesterday and the day before ... Ah, wells ... You get the picture.

Anyways, this month is gonna be a toughie for me. Abstinence is the major word from now until the twenty second. No hanging out late, no alone time, no long phone calls, no staying over until he's done with his exams ! Ah ... How will I stand to not be with him ?

I must, I must. For he will have to be the one to initiate the time together this month. For he will know when he has pockets of time to be with me when he's done with his revision. I will not disturb him and I promise to not distract him away from his study time. Difficult, but needs must.

Good luck, dear !!! :D

Knackered

What a lovely evening I had. My apologies for not including that thought in the previous post. There were just too many things to write about and I wanted the main football event over and done with. And besides, I was using someone else's computer so it's not that nice to have a super long post. Just a short one to indicate to people that I'm still living.

We made plans for our second date since Monday. Anyways, I wanted us to go out considering that Monday was a bit of a let down as I finished work late, even though I was on leave. Sad and true.

I asked Cheeky Monkey what will we be doing on Tuesday night while I was out and about. He suggested Sentosa and a movie at Vivo City afterwards. I did not object to the idea as it's been a long while since I went down to Sentosa. CM was asking what are the things I would like to do there and I was quite free and easy as I told him, as long as I'm with him, I don't mind the things we do or places we go to. CM was of the idea that we should not do too many things at once (I totally agree, btw). Just in case we needed to rush from one place to another as we can only start the date after his work hours.

So, there I was basically stoning at home yesterday, trying my darnest to recover from the football game. Eventually, I left the house at about half past five after a short nap, thinking I was so gonna be late. Tardiness is not something I'll advocate.

Anyways, CM rang a few times to say that he'd been delayed at work. I told him I don't mind the waiting, I'll just walkabout VC while waiting. Took me about an hour to reach VC and I decided to look for a nice pressie for CM.

He wanted me to find out the last ride for the monorail and cable cars. I had to walk for a good 30 - 45 minutes to find the information counter. I went to VC topmost floor, moving on to HarbourFront Centre to HabourFront Towers. As you can see, that's how familiar I was with the whole area. Hahaha. :D

I was basically like a little lost girl. CM was running really late and I felt like blowing off the joint. Or just calling CM to do other stuff. Eventually, at the advice of CM, I'd decided to turn about VC again to look for the Sentosa Station and what do you know ? It was just beside Food Republic. Seriously people, get the maps or at least Floor Directories accessible, yeah ?

While waiting for CM to arrive, I read the brochures for the activities in Sentosa. Some were pretty interesting. Especially for the Fort Siloso Tours, being a history buff and all. So anyways, CM eventually appeared at about 8 pm and then we went and bought tickets to get to Sentosa and to the Songs of the Sea. Poor baby, had not even had dinner yet. Initially we thought we had time to grab something from Food Republic but with the hoardes of people there ?? *shakes head*

We made our way to the Beach Station where the show was supposed to be played out. CM got the food combo with the tickets for the show and at the very least, there were munchies. The show was a colourful display of laser lights and special effects. I must admit that even though it looked like something the kids would enjoy, I did too. I guess, I am easily pleased, no ?

After the show, CM suggested going for the Luge ride but I was reluctant to do so. I just wanted to spend a bit of a quiet time with him, is all. He was quite insistent as he had always wanted to try it out. I told him to go ahead without me as I will just watch from the sidelines but he refused. He wanted to ride with me or not at all. Sweet, right ? So we decided to go to Imbiah Station and walk to the cable car station. By this time, it was past 9 pm and the last cable car ride is at 11 pm.

Walking up four flights was no joke to someone who does recreational walking occasionally. However, the sights were gorgeous. The Merlion had already closed for the day but what a sight he was. I noticed CM was having fun with his photography. I posed some, though I think I looked like a retard in most of the pictures taken. And no, it's not a testament of his skills, more of my inhibitions of having my photo taken.

It was the first time I took a cable car, round trip from Sentosa to Mount Faber and back. Scary ? Not much. Unique ? You bet. Guilt ? A fair bit. CM was spending so much money on this date. And he's got me a present too ! We managed to spend about 10 - 15 minutes on Mount Faber, just soaking up the sights of the night and the music coming from the pub. There was not much time for a walk as we have to be back on the cable car by 10.45 pm.

Once we were back on Sentosa, we took a leisurely walk down back to Imbiah Station. Took a few more photos of the city skyline. And sat on a bench and talked. Not for long but enough. I love spending these quiet times with him. Eventually we made our way to the monorail station and then back to VC. We sat for a while on the roof terrace and talked some more before we were informed by the security officer to leave as they are closing for the night.

We then popped down to Coffee Bean for coffee and late supper. Poor darling must be pretty famished after the walking trail. Me ? I was feeling a little hungry, not enough for a full meal so I pinched some of his food. Chicken and Mushroom Fusili, yummy. Highly recommended with all the white, creamy sauce. I had the Ice Blended Belgian Chocolate, horribly sinful, but lovely nonetheless.

And then we took a cab back to his place and this is where I have to stop the post as going further can be used against me in the court of law. *winks*

Oh for the record, I vetoed the movie idea. CM fell asleep on the cab home ! Imagine if we had watched the movie ? He would be snoring in the theatre, poor baby was that exhausted !!

Champions League Final Match

Man United versus Chelsea

Will it be a grudge match ? Will it be a revenge game for the loss on 26 April 2008 ?

Kick their blue butts and we will know !

All English Final. Expected. Predicted, no.