For things to go back to normal

Do I have to sell my soul to the Devil ? Do I repent and pray for guidance and wisdom ? Do I wish for Death to come swiftly and quietly ?

I had hoped to not be one of those women who depended on their guys for the reason for living. I was never that with my previous guys. Why now, then ? What makes him that special one to whom I bestow my affections and desires ?

When I'm not with him, I feel abandoned. And yet, when he spends time with me, I feel guilty for encroaching his personal time to socialise, to just be with other people. I resent his ability to make friends easily and yet, I adore his talent in social settings. I am such a mad cow sometimes that makes me wonder, what did he ever saw in me ?

A few people thought that I knew better than to be with him. They asked me, what can he offer me ? They think that I would be wise enough to not have chosen him. To choose him as my other one. That he's lucky to have someone like me in his life.

I would rebutt these comments if I could. I am lucky to have him in my life. I am one lucky cow that he's the rock, the one who puts up with my nonsense in most aspects of my life.

I often say to people, what you see is what you get. It's just that he sees deeper. He senses that I am holding back some things. Things that I will carry to my grave. I am so comfortable with him that I want to push my limits and go beyond. Beyond what I've done before. Yet, he's the one wanting things to slow down a notch or two. He's the one reminding me of our time together could end. The date of expiry, no doubt is not set in stone, but still there looming in the future.

I pray for strength. I pray for guidance. I pray for happiness. I pray for longevity. I pray for patience. I pray for him. Always.