Why me ?

I'm in my depression mode again. Again, I'm feeling sorry for myself. Again, I'm feeling self-destructive.

This feeling of unhappiness and abandonment had been shadowing me for the past few months. Not that I feel this way every single day of the month. Most of the time, the "attacks" come when I'm all alone in the office, trying my darnest to clear the mountains of paperwork.

It's so depressing to not be able to go home when I think I should. I know that I managed to leave the office early yesterday. But the work that I did not clear for that slightly over an hour of early off time is doubled today. There are so many things that needed my attention and yet I cannot fulfil them all in the 8 plus hours I'm in the office.

Have I lost my efficiency ? Have I lost my drive ? Have I lost my interest ? Is the disillusion and disenchantment so overpowering that I cannot feel happy anymore ?

I thought I could spend a bit of time with him. I thought I could have a bit of quiet time with him. He, however, had been invited over to his friend's place. How then can I ask him to cancel ? How can I grow so dependent on our time together every single day ? I guess, spending that little time with him gets me away from the stress at work. I thought he might feel that some days, I just want to laze around and not do anything at all. Just to be with him. Even to do mundane things like read a book while he's on the net or something. Sometimes, I feel that we don't even have to go out for a date. We could stay in and read the papers or just talk. Maybe, I'm just projecting some of the Hollywood coupley things to do. Maybe, I'm just not communicating enough. *shrugs*

Okay, I'm getting a tad bit weepy, just thinking about work and my life in general. Seriously, people. I think I'm mildly depressed. I am overwhelmed at work. I am overwhelmed at home. I am overwhelmed with all things with him. I need a time out. I need a personal time out to be with myself. I need to assess my priorities, my needs and my capabilities. I need 8 full hours of sleep.

I know that sleep is not the answer to every complexity of life. But I know it's a start. I need a clear perspective of my life's journey. Does it end when it does ? Or can I still exercise control at the end of it all ?