Happy Halloween !!!

Well, not much of a celebration here. It's sunny Singapore after all and there is no such thing as Autumn here. Just rain or shine.

Anyways, I will be crashing at Dear's place tonight. I was thinking of perhaps not to do that but I am just too bummed to wake up at 4 am to trek back West when I could use that hour's journey snuggling up with Dear.

It's the SAT Exams tomorrow you see ...

Kickstart ...

Jump cables needed to kickstart the unmotivated heart and mind. Please bear in mind of the possibility of electrocution. Life insurance's not purchased, hence no payouts will be issued should participant not be able to live.

Motivation for the unmotivated

I am in serious doom and gloom. As mentioned earlier, I had rejected the offer of a "promotion" in my office. The reason is simple. I have lost heart in the place I "served" for eight hours, five days a week and seven years long.

When we talk about the seven-year itch does it include your passion for the work place ? I love my work. I love the job I do. I love interacting with the kids in school. It's just that the people I work for is making me feel so. Hmm ... What's the word ?

Unmotivated.

Sian.

Pissed off.

Demoralised.

Sometimes it helps

I was listening to my iPod on the way to work today. As usual, I kept my playlist to shuffle songs. And for the record, I have over 800 songs on my iPod so the play of each song is completely random.

I was thinking of him and our misunderstandings and miscommunications and lo and behold, this song came up. :D

Divine intervention ? Perhaps I should not have the "talk" I'd planned to have last night ? Here goes this wonderful song. Meaningful and hmmm ... Informative ?

~Barry Manilow - It's All In The Game~

(Carl Sigman and Charles Gates Dawes)

[Originally by Tommy Edwards]

Many a tear has to fall
But it's all in the game
All in the wonderful game
That we know as love
You have words with him
And your future's looking dim
But these things
Your hearts can rise above

Once in a while he won't call
But it's all in the game
Soon he'll be there at your side
With a sweet bouquet
And he'll kiss your lips
And caress your waiting fingertips
And your hearts will fly away

Soon he'll be there at your side
With a sweet bouquet
Then he'll kiss your lips
And caress your waiting fingertips
And your hearts will fly away

I *heart* YOU !!

Hey you, with the crazy girlfriend

I'm sorry. I should not have gone cold nor get pissed for no reason. I should have been more understanding, I should have given you the allowance to make the contact when you are more available. I'm sorry for being too demanding on your time, making it accountable to me. I could have been the one to call instead of waiting for your calls, getting angry and disappointed when the calls don't come in.

Thank you for your tolerance at my behaviour. Thank you for letting me get away with all these nonsense. This is happening way too frequently for your peace of mind. As I've said before, I don't know when I can cease this petulant, pre-school behaviour. Maybe eventually it will stop or maybe the occurrences may not happen that frequently. I don't know. Will you stick around to find out ? Will I eventually prove to you that I'm worth sticking around for ?

All I know is that you are the good thing that came round my life this year. Thank you so much for your presence in my life. You know how much I feel for you. Sometimes, it may seem that I don't really care for your feelings but that was mainly because I am reacting to my own insecurities.

Happy Seventh Month Anniversary, Dear.

I *heart* YOU !

Hello, my name is Mopey ...

And I'm not a happy camper.

Dear called earlier in the day yesterday, and I explained to him of my stupid call barring and he laughed. Anyways, we spoke for a short bit while he was at the hospital and then again later while he was waiting for his dad. He told me that someone had come asking his parents of his availability and eligibility ! Goodness ! Was I wrong in my reluctance to let him go home, even though I did not express it to him directly ? Anyways, I cannot tell him not to go, right ? I cannot tell him to ignore his family obligations, right ?

I texted him afterwards in all my koyak English glory. Just as a reminder of who he'd left behind here. I tried to clear my mobile texts for the month of July and I contemplated continuing with August but got side tracked by my winning streak in "Free Cell".

Staring at the computer screen almost the whole day (waiting for Dear to come on MSN), I developed a headache. So after binging on junk food, I slept early without any dinner. A pretty nondescript day in all, my Saturday.

Today.

I woke up at nine plus with a pounding head, slept too long, too much sugar and not enough water the night before, and the stress of not being able to call Dear. So anyways, went about my way, showered and stuff and guess who called while I was showering ? Dear, of course. So I tried calling back and miracle ! I got connected except that Dear did not answer ! Yay ! My call barring had been lifted ! I was so happy and then Dear called back and spoke for less than a minute.

Dear called to say that he had to be at the temple for most of the day until perhaps 3 or 4 pm, my time. We spoke for less than a minute before he had to go. I was elated than sadness overcame me because I thought we could chat for a bit more. So I composed myself and told myself I'll talk to him later.

So I waited for 3 pm to come. I read Saturday's papers. I watched a little tv. I cleaned out my underwear drawer. 3 pm came, finally. Still no phone call from Dear. Perhaps he's online then. So I logged on the computer and MSN and hmmm ... No Dear. Maybe 4 pm then. So I wasted a bit more time playing "Spider Solitaire" and "Free Cell" and updating of my posts.

Time check ? 6.03 pm. No phone call, no Dear online. Pissed and angry and disappointed. Don't make me a promise if you cannot keep to it.

Now, I'm just sad and teary. I hate myself for waiting and anticipating his calls when obviously he's busy with other things.

Right.

I'm gonna sit in my corner and bawl.

Thank you, Dear.

Calls Barred

I'm frustrated !

Dear called a couple of times earlier and I missed his calls. So I tried to call him back by checking out my IDD options and finally saw the most affordable one. All in vain because in the end I realised that all my international calls are barred. No wonder I can't call out to Mariam the other time !

I called up the Customer Service guys a few times earlier and was told that my international calls service was deactivated because when I signed up my mobile line, I was below 21 years old. As such, their policy is that no international call service is not available to all under 21 registrants and pre-paid customers. But I'm freaking 27 years old now !!!

Well apparently, my service provider did not "activate" that service automatically even though I'd reached 21 and above. I have to call in to inform them to do so. No wonder even though I had subscribed to "Pay-As-You-Roam" service, I did not receive any overseas network when I cross the Causeway ! It's so dumb !!!

I called another number to check if the overseas line was okay and connecting and it was. The nice CS officer advised me to inform the other CS officer of our findings and to check if there are other ways to deactivate the call barring on my mobile. I checked my mobile and it turns out that I can deactivate call barring but the default password I used was "Not Allowed". I tried so may different permutations of password I can remember and all I got was "Not Allowed".

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-N-G !!!

So I'd called the other CS officer to deactivate my call barring for international calls and he told me that it takes one working day. Considering that I called on a Friday night and Saturday does not count as a working day and Monday being a Public Holiday, the earliest I can start calling overseas is on Tuesday !!! What's the point then, since that is the day Dear is back in SGP ?!?

Anyways, I have my own self to blame. Stupid woman, should have checked the Terms and Conditions carefully. Honestly, I've tried looking through their website but there is no information I can find online for me to call to deactivate call barring. *sighs*

No Dear to complain to ... I'm sad, mopey ... Stupid long holiday ...

Not a good one

The visit to the doc was not a good one today. Ma had to go with the insulin jabs because her blood sugar level is still not being well controlled. She can't be put on more tablet drug prescription because her liver enzymes function is still out of whack. So the only answer is for her to get additional insulin through injections.

I feel so hapless and useless because I think all this can be prevented if I had been more vigilant. If I had enforced more on the proper and correct diet. If only I had been a good enough daughter to monitor my Ma's food intake. All the "Ifs" is pointless now because as everyone knows, once you are on insulin jabs, there is no going back.

I wish I had Dear around to run to and to confide in. I wish I had his arms around me to hug me with him telling me that everything will turn out all right. That everything happens for a good reason. That I should be glad that Ma's condition is still not that bad as medications are still available to her.

I'm not a good person. Perhaps that's why all my bad karma affects my family. *sighs*

I'm not feeling too good. Sick in the heart, sick in the stomach, sick in the head. And yet, I try to present a happy facade. Somehow, I know someone has to be the strong one. Why does it always fall on me to be strong one ?

A Birthday Shout Out ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAVITHA !!!

I wish all the joy and happiness to you in every waking moment of your life. I'm sorry all you've got from me is a lousy card after all these years of special gifts you'd given. The most special of all is your unfailing friendship. I love you !

May all your wishes and hopes and dreams be realised soon. Take care of your health and smile always. Cheers 'mate !

Slept over

I slept over Dear's place last night. I did not even go home in the wee hours of the morning because 1) I have no cab money for the ungodly hour taxi ride home; 2) I'm on leave tomorrow; 3) I have a change of clothes at his place; 4) I did not spend the night on Tuesday and 5) Dear's last day before he goes back home.

Yeah, I was trying to maximise my time with Dear before spending the whole weekend with him on another part of the equator. I know. I know. Sad, I know.

Honestly, I don't know how I will cope this time round that he's gone and left me for more than 2 days. I think I can handle a couple of days without seeing him as long as I know he's on the same island. But five days, him on another island ? I don't know mans.

Yeah, I know he'd gone for a longer period in April but we had just started going out then and I was able to cope without him around all the time. But seven months on ? *sheesh* I really don't know. Good thing it's only five days. Imagine a two week break from seeing each other everyday. *sighs* I'm such a girl.

So anyways, I'll be seeing Dear off at the airport tonight. His flight's after midnight so after work, will pop over his place to help him pack and stuff. Cook something simple for dinner and have a little bit of snuggle or cuddle time if possible.

Right.

I'll log off now before you guys throw up your lunch ...

*winks*

Take 1 before food and another 4 after food

I'm stoned !

I had just finished lunch and had just taken my meds for the afternoon. I'm so stoned that even my title post is so long. Is it excessively long ? I don't think so. I think it's the perfect length for a title post. Who are you to question otherwise ? Are you the title post police now ? Get off my back. Let me write the length as I see fit. It's my post, you know. I can type anything, varying lengths as I like. My post, my rules.

Right.

Sorry, I think I better log off now. Rambling, you see ... :D

Sick and stoned, you see. :D

Pass me the salt, please

Honestly, couldn't you have the decency to properly intro the newbies ? I mean, having someone new at work place is part and parcel of life. People come and people go, life goes on. Sure it does.

Whatever.

Still, it wouldn't have hurt if we had been introduced properly, after all we are in the same office, having to work the same time and see each other for most of our waking hours. Even if you don't think we can "click", we still have to contend with each other, for better or worse, right ?

Anyways, whatever.

I'll put in my hours and hope for the best ...

:S

For another work week

A short work week, it maybe, it's still another work week. Time seemed to be passing by so quickly that I wished, it would give me a little bit more leeway and breathing space. I have not be faithful in following my resolve to let Dear his study time. Every available minute he has, I want to be in it. Pretty unfair, I think.

No doubt it was consensual but I guess, I have to let the man have his time, no ? Anyways, I need time to myself too. To put me in the proper and correct zone. I need to start looking. I need to finish up my audit findings reports. I need to send a card over to Kav. I need to look for a nice going away / leaving pressie for Ellen.

So many things I needed to do, so much procrastination I've done !

:p

Lunch out

Dear's taking me to his friend's place for a lunch do. A friend from his Uni and Hall days. A friend who has yet to know of his non-single status.

I must be on my best behaviour. I dress well and nicely with a pleasant disposition (which I already am, by the way).

Wish me luck !

*grins*

Got hit in the chest !

I played futsal yesterday with the guys and just before the game ended, one directed shot at the goal was stopped my chest. Squarely on the chest. I went down like a sack of rice with tears running down my cheeks. Winded, with breathing difficulty I tried informing the ref I was fine. The ref who is my dear actually.

What a game.

Earlier in the game, I was kicked on my right shin by Stephen (accidentally, while tackling). Then I stopped a few shots with my left knee. My team was beaten, of course, but the game was so on and so long that I was knackered out.

I crashed at Dear's place and poor darling was so worried about the chest hit that he wanted to bring me to the Doc's. I am okay now, but I will have many, many bruises in the next week or so ! Plus the bruise on my arm !

The worst injury had to go to Puni. He was hit in the groin area by a shot from D. Mans ... What a hit. Poor fella, I cannot imagine what it's like, but the pain. I can understand the pain ..

*tsks*

Dangerous sport, don't you think ?

Anyways, I've just got home less than a couple of hours ago. I'm so gonna crash soon. Mariam's back in Singapore ! She called me in the afternoon to see if I was at home. I was at Dear's so I thought we could meet up later this evening. However, I think she's quite busy with her sister's engagement and I'm totally wiped out. So no date with Mariam tonight ... :(

Right. Must rest. Talk later ...

Oh my goodness !

Not as I had expected. The movie last night ? Not something I'd pay good money to watch. Good thing Dear had the membership to SFS and I get to watch some movies through him. Otherwise, this movie is never part of my "Must Watch" list.

The movie was violent by my standards and I was so turned off that I tried to snooze in the hall. Dear, sitting beside me sensed my unease and volunteered to leave early but it would be so unfair on him for me to do so. I should have done my research and realise that Guy Ritchie's the director. Real London underground film.

On the plus point, I really did enjoy the AGM meeting prior to the start of the movie. And the dinner with the dear. Basically the fun parts were before the movie had started ! :P

Rock A Rolla

Watching that movie with Dear after work tonight.

Saw a bit of the trailer on the way to work the other day. Looks okay. Seems like a fun film. Rock and roll ? Bring it on, baby !

Mid Week

Mid Week Wednesday.

Short Work Week Next Week.

Short Work Week The Week After Next.

Mid Week.

Mid Week.

K.O.

After the Ma's doc appointment I popped down to the Blood Bank for a spot of charity work. The last time I'd gone there I was not allowed to donate because the blood iron content was slightly lower than then approved level. Today was good because I had been ingesting iron pills for the past 2 weeks.

I've got a bit of bruising and swelling on my arm where the needle was pierced through. During the collection, my blood flow slowed down and the nice nurses had to adjust the positions of my arm and the inserted needle. They advised me to clench and unclench my hand faster and harder.

The result ? Faster blood flow but bruised and sore arm !

Once done there, Ma and I took a long bus ride back home. Dozed off a couple of times so by the time I reached home, I totally crashed in bed. Dear called a few times and I had just spoken to him. I had my shower and dinner and on to bed early. :)

Another work day tomorrow .... :(

Post mortem

I've got a strain on my back.

Not good.

It happened as I was waiting for the bus to school. Yeah, missed the school bus again so I took the public buses. Transfer and transfer buses. :)

Stupid muscle strain ! :(

Ex-haus-ted !

Just to put it plainly, the whole family went super nuts on the visiting bit. According to Ma, they visited eight houses yesterday. And today ? Six houses if you include YS' place. Not too shabby for the Ma. :)

Spent the weekend with Dear. Left his place in the afternoon to rush home to follow the folks for the visiting. Used my Cik Mimi's lorry. Rode in the second cab but later in the evening, rode at the back with WM and kids. It was fun ! :)

Showed Ju the grad dinner pics. She saw Dear and said she hoped to see Dear in person when we go visiting next year. What do you say to that, Hons ?

Anyways, I'm like super exhausted. I'm gonna crash soon. Just finished speaking to Dear. He had a good squash game but did not study at all ! *pouts* Naughty, baby ! :D

:)

Listen to that ?

Yeah, the sound of silence, aside from the humming of the AC. The occasional sounds of pencils hitting the table. The sounds of the clearing of the eraser dust, either by blowing them off or shoving on the paper with the fingers. The sounds of shuffling feet on the floor. The occasional clearing of throat and sharp intake of breath. The expulsion of breath.

Yup.

The administration of exam. It's the Paper Based TOEFL this time round. Ah. All the side income ...

I stayed over with the dear last night. Made dinner, albeit too spicy and hot. Yeah, I went a little nuts on the chilli powder and the chilli padi. Had instant noodles. Stir fry french beans with tofu. I had no time to boil the rice by the time we rested after reaching home. Made the spicy chicken dish. Dear was very encouraging. He finished up all the dishes I cooked. Stuffed and satisfying. Felt appreciated.

:)

After dinner, we watched TV for a bit before shwoering and then I crashed into bed. Needed to sleep early for this morning's exam. The alarm went off at 4.45 in the morning but I snoozed for a bit more. Dear was still sleeping. Then his radio clock alarm went off and he "voted" me to shower first. Smart man. But then again, he did take ages in the loo too !

*tsks*

Right then.

Planning lunch at WM later. Then we'll see how the day pans out. Dear needs to start his revision for his exams soon ! I must encourage him to open his text and sit down and "study" with him. Two modules, guess we have to take one each !

:)

So you need me, eh ?

Well.

I can't say that I'm not being appreciated at my work place anymore. For one, a few people here knows that I want to leave. As such, the B I G guys are giving me ways and other opportunities to "entice" me to stay on. The most recent offer ? Moving me to the other office, to be under a different BIG BOSS . An option I was pretty happy and willing to consider provided the work or job description is clearly stated out.

So.

I've been called in to the two bosses rooms more often than I would have thought possible over these past few days. If I should accept the posting and move, there will definitely be backlash, a little or a lot depending on and from the people in my current office. While one boss wants the move to be done as quickly as possible, the other one is possibly hoping that I would say "No" to it. He may say that he doesn't mind either ways but well ... If you had worked with him, you would just know what he's like.

Ah.

I've not been too enthusiastic about staying in my current work place, moving notwithstanding. Given the fact that I've been here for 7 years, I'm feeling like I should look elsewhere and check out my other options. It's kinda like the 7 years itch, no ? Anyways, I'd been advised to start looking for other opportunities and alternatives. Better ones.

However, in light of the present and/or future economic unrest, should I just be happy and sated with the crumbs I get for the shit I work on ?

*sighs*

What ? What ?

So who's the good girl now ?

Am I not home nice and early tonight ?

My Ma would be so happy if she is still awake to see me reach home before midnight. I did not want to go off so early, but Dear was making me keep my promise to Ma. See ? Such a sweet darling.

I miss my PC. I miss my bed. I miss my smelly pillow. I miss my kitties. I miss my sweet nephew. I miss my other nieces and nephew.

Must make it back early more often.

:)

Do not disturb

How is it that some people took the trouble to "care" about what you don't do ? And when you do things, they don't seem to register the things you've done ? Why are promises so easily made without thought and when it's time to fulfil them, no one gives a shit anymore ?

Please give me the space I need to do my work and function even as half a human being. I know it's difficult to see me as one human being, breathing, needing food and water and sustenance to live. It's so easy to ignore my existence when all I do is agree to all the injustice heaped upon me.

But.

One thing I've always believe in. You don't have to have the anger in you. You just need to have the faith and believe that what goes around, most definitely will come around to you.

Cheerio ... :P

Dinner ... For the Dear

I came home with Dear today. Initially, I had wanted to head straight home after work to let my Ma see my face. So I gave Dear 3 options.

Option 1

Go straight home after work. Do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars.

Option 2

Go to Dear's place after work. Cook and have dinner with Dear. Leave after dinner before The Noose and my Crime Night starts.

Option 3

Go to Dear's place after work. Cook and have dinner with Dear. Watch The Noose and the Crime Night series (CSI, Criminal Minds & Cold Case) with Dear. Leave before 5 am the following morning.

So my question is - which one do you think my dear chose ?

:)

The end of the innocence

Imagine a connection that goes so deep that no one in the right mind would dare deny, destroy and defile.

Then along comes this idiot who tries to mess up the best thing that can happen to her. Give the woman one tight slap across her face.

Thanks sis for your advise. Thanks Dear for being so nice and understanding.

I cried buckets okay ...

I woke up again

I was actually praying for my life to end in the night before I slept. I wanted to not be a nuisance and pest to people who said they love me.

But I woke up in the middle of the night to the insistent beeping reminder of my mobile. Two texts were waiting for me from Dear. He texted once after 11 pm and another one just after half past midnight to check if I am still awake.

I replied at 2.15 am to tell him that I was awake and asked if he is still awake. No responses so I guess all is still in slumberland. I went back to sleep and here I am awake on a Sunday morning.

Greeting the day again. Smile or frown, it is still early in the day to decide.

Not another one

Here I was lying in bed. Thinking how I did it again, I always make the same mistakes. Over and over again I kept getting his hackles raised. Why ? What is the meaning of this destructive behaviour ? Self sabotaged. Self hatred. Self pity.

I'm tired. Mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I've been up since 4.30 am this morning, after having about 2 hours sleep time.

I got in to work yesterday afternoon, pretending that nothing major happened last night. I was so consumed with projecting a happy, contented image. Boss spoke to me regarding certain promotion issues. I said no, cleared the air and the suspicions. Apologised to the people who got involved unintentionally. And time just flew past. Before I knew it, it was time to start setting up for the exams for this morning.

Finished up in the office by 10 pm. Hitched a ride with Bro Izam to Holland V with the dear one. Bro Izam had left for Indo this morning. So it was kinda sad to have one less kaki to joke with at work.

We took a cab from Holland V to Mariam's place, arrived after 11 pm and talked until close to 1 am. She had also gone back to Indo this morning, after a week in Singapore for the Lebaran hols. People I will miss. People who can take my nonsense and just let go. How lucky I am.

We then took a cab back to Dear's place and by the time we are done showering, we crashed into bed at about 2 am. I couldn't fall asleep immediately and was getting frisky but Dear was sleepy and we needed to be up early for the exam invigilation.

The exam went without major hitches and by the time the courier guy came to pick up the package, it was almost 4 pm. Dear had to go to Orchard to meet up with his friend to pass something to him. A friend who was like a brother to him. A friend and a recent ex-housemate. I tagged along and we hung out with a few of his other mates for a couple of hours.

Dear had to meet up with his other mates for a birthday dinner in Town. I thought the meeting place was still in Orchard but it turns out to be a restaurant along Clarke Quay. I wanted to come with him but he said reservations were already made and he didn't know if it could be added on. He had asked a few days prior if I wanted to tag him but I told him I might need to be out and about for visiting.

However, I didn't feel like going home then and wanted to spend a bit more time with my dear before I head home. He said he didn't mind me coming along and introducing me to some of his other mates about the girlfriend status. He wanted to pick up a book at Kino before going, so after we left Paragon, we walked to Takashimaya. Dear said it was gonna be a quick one, a trip to the Reservation Counter and then the Cashier. But it turned out to be longer than predicted.

I should have known and expected that dear was a lost cause in bookstores. I waited and waited for him to be done, read a few pages of Stephen Hawking's On The Shoulders Of Giants and still no Dear in sight. I then walked out of the bookstore, looking for a place to rest my aching feet. A few minutes after sitting down, Dear called asking me where I was.

So there I was in my "mischevious" mood answered in a bored voice that I was on the way home. Dear was speechless. Through the line, I could hear a sadness creeping in his voice when he answered my question of his whereabouts. He then sounded resigned and hung up. I called back to say I'll look for him. So I did and saw him still at the Cashier C and thought I'd browse a bit more. Read Calvin and Hobbes and waited and waited for him to be done. When I turned around I saw that he was no longer at the counter and then my mobile rang and I saw him calling me from a few aisles away.

He looked pissed and sad. Then we got into a mood. He didn't want to meet up with his mates and wanted to go home. I persuaded him to go and not break his date with his friends. I waited for him to ask me to come with again. Ah wells. My own damn fault for making a face when he told me the dinner was at Clarke Quay.

So I told him that I wanted to hang around Town before going home. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place and I said no. He wanted us to talk but I told him that he had to go. We walked to the train station to look for the AXS Machine for him to pay his bills. And while he paid, I sat and waited, finally finding a proper place to rest my feet.

Once he was done, again he told me to go back to his place so we can talk once he's back from dinner. We sat there and he asked me what is it that I want him to do to make me happy. I sit there thinking to myself that I don't want to go back to his shared apartment without him around. To face his other housemates. To me, there is no point in me coming back there without him around. I wanted to spend time with him, not to wait around in the room like some fool.

So then I told him that I'll be going to my own place after hanging around for a bit. He looked exasperated before leaving me on the steps, not once looking back to see if I'm okay (Dear clarified that he did looked back to see me as he was travelling down the escalator. I was looking downwards, according to Dear, hence did not see a sad look as he left me there - Edit). He texted me a few minutes later and we exchanged a few messages with me still on the steps. I was contemplating what I wanted to do. I was hoping that he changed his mind and come back to persuade me. When I realised that he was not going to come back for me, I headed to the trains and was thinking of actually going the Woodlands route to Bukit Batok. If he had turned back, I would have done just that. And I would be typing this on his computer and not mine.

But he didn't and so I didn't. I was feeling so lousy at spoiling his mood and mine. Dear wanted to come and see me later and I told him not to bother as I can come round his place tomorrow. He was insistent and after this call it seems like we either talk tonight or we talk on Monday after work. His ultimatum, we don't have to talk tomorrow. Since I was willing to put this off tonight, we could put off the talking to Monday. After all, what's one more day, he said.

Right. So there. I've poured all I could to the best of my recollection of the events leading up to this sad episode. I'm sorry if I missed out on some things. If it seemed that I've ignored some facts to put me in a good light, let me know. I'm willing to edit this so everyone reading this are not misinformed.

You know as I was sitting on the steps of Orchard station with the drilling works going, I wished for an accident to happen. This was after I realised that I was waiting in vain for Dear to come back for me. I wished for a huge slab of concrete to fall on my head and break my neck. Maybe my parents will be happy with the payout and that I'd caused no more unhappiness to my dear.

In my defense

I plead a case of insanity.

There was a post prior to the one I'm posting right now. He read it. He took it as I want it to be taken. And then I banished it away from the prying eyes of all. The point of the post was for his eyes. For him to know and realise what I was feeling then.

I cried buckets last night. We talked. We kept silent. We talked some more. We cried. I'm not who you think I project. I am not who I think I project.

Will the real me ever be happy enough to surface ?

Birthday Boy (Guy)

Happy Birthday, Sam !!

A good and true friend you had been these past 10 years. Thank you for being the voice of reason (sometimes ...) and the fact that you are you !

May you be happy in whatever you do and may the good person that you are shines through all the time. I *heart* you ! :D

Take care and have fun always !

Eid-Mubarak

To all my Muslim brothers and sisters.

With the passing of Ramadhan, we'll celebrate Syawal with much hope and happiness. May the month springs laughter and joy always. Remember to care for the less fortunate though. :)