Fat Tuesday

Or rather Bad Tuesday.

I'm stoning in the office right. I've reached here about an hour ago after stoning for 3 hours at ICA. Good thing I'd brought my bag along and with it a lot of goodies to read. I'd started on the Prelude to the Sandman series and I am so hooked on it now. Scary and yet fascinating.

The next one I should start on would be the Watchmen. Apparently it's a damn good novel to own. Well, I saw the trailer for the movie a couple of weeks ago and I will be sure not to miss it.

Thanks to Cheeky Monkey that I am hooked on graphic novels. Ah. Neil Gaiman's the bomb. :)

This post would be more like a "Fat Chance Tuesday" if only I'd be more willing to say "No".

OM asked me for money today. Not a loan, just outright asking as if it's a given right. Well, technically he can ask money from me but it's a little weird no ? Makes me feel as though the monthly grocery infusion is insufficient. On top of that, I have to settle the monthly bills and housing loans. Sometimes I feel like tearing out my hair because I am not able to provide a standard of living OM was accustomed to. Like spending fifty bucks in a day without any guilt.

Ah.

Maybe I am not a good enough daughter. I don't give enough to make sure everyone lives comfortably. Maybe I should start saving up again. No more excessive spending and such. I feel so useless today. Generally, I feel useless anyways. If you are one of those light reader, you can see that my being is surrounded by bluish-black light. I'm depressed and saddened by OM's behaviour.

But that is my lot in life, no ? Temporary, I keep telling myself this. One day soon, I may not even need all this nonsense. Everything is transient, even my unworthy life is temporary. One day soon I will leave this plane and be sujected to other forces. Sooner or later, we will all be answerable to our actions.

No time for smiling. No time to even joke. Pain is as you know it, keen at first, then the wound would scab over leaving a thudding presence under the cut. Lamenting on the pain is like seeing for the blind. Utterly devoid of worth.