You didn't call

I sit here, thinking of when does my individuality became a duality ? When I could have been happy just spending time alone with a good read or a good game, now I'm thinking, "He didn't call at all today. He didn't care to even text."

I knew that he will be out for a couple of functions today, he told me so a few days ago. I didn't go back to sleep after my morning meal, instead, I showered and I was contemplating popping over his place to spend the day with him. Then I remember his social obligations today.

I know that if I come over anyway, he will not tell me to go away. He will welcome me with a big grin and a warm hug. Then when it's time for him to leave for his functions, he will either ask me to stay until he comes back or he asks me if it's okay if I go on home. For how long until then, I know not.

Perchance I dare to ask him to cancel his functions, would he be willing to do so without making me feel guilty ? Am I willing to go if he asks me to leave without fuss or tantrums ? Do I stay when he wants me to, as I did Friday night ?

And so, now, sitting here, waiting for a word from him since yesterday afternoon. He said he would call me yesterday. And like a fool, I waited by my phone and still no calls. Today, wanting him a taste of his medicine, I turned off my mobile for a period and still no texts to indicate he tried to contact me.

Why is it always I who desperately needs some kind of evidence of invested emotions and he doesn't ? Am I coming on too strong, too deeply involved when it's just nothing set in stone yet ? We may not even be together for long, given the way things are right now.

Do I need someone who is as emotionally involved as I in this relationship ? Perhaps, I should take a step back and analyse when I've gone wrong. Maybe as Mothers always say, don't give too easily or no one will want you.

Do you want me ? Why do I feel that some days you don't want me ? That you can be without me ? Those days, I feel rejected and neglected. And those days, you call me pampered. I have the love of my family, why do I need yours too ?