There is a saying that goes somewhere along the line of, "Lightning never strikes twice in the same place". That's BS. In my case, a weird sense of deja vu occurred yesterday.

Macmek fell.

Although I didn't find the corpse, traces of fresh blood was found directly at the foot of the flat. Putting 2 and 2 together, we came to that conclusion. She has never been missing for so long. Usually, when my ma wakes up and put fresh biscuits, she would rush out from where ever she was to follow her mummy around.

I've been in this position before but the pain always cuts deep every single time. And why does it always have to be the sweet ones who goes first ?

Just the other day, my ma commented that if she passed on, Macmek would not be able to cope with the loss as compared to the others. Who's to know, she's the one who goes first ?

The last time I saw her alive was pre-dawn when I went to use the toilet. She was just sitting by the laundry basket, looking out of the kitchen window. I asked her, why she was up so early, but she didn't make any indications that she heard me. Usually, she would be asking me to open my ma's bedroom door so that she can sleep in. I didn't think there was anything odd about it. When I woke up at 9, I thought I saw her sitting in the living room chair, waiting for my ma to wake up. I then switched on the tv and left my room door ajar.

10 mins to 10, my ma came by and closed the door. A while later she asked if Macmek was in my room. And I said no. We searched everywhere in the house, but she didn't appear. That's when Ma suspected something was wrong. We looked out the windows but we didn't see anything unlike the time with Ayang.

But I have that bad feeling that won't go away. So anyway, I made a trip downstairs and that's when it was confirmed.

Such a sweet, happy soul, gone. I didn't even get to kiss her goodbye. Body dumped in the bin like any other rubbish. I guess I needed to see whatever to reconcile the fact that she is indeed gone.