Out of the danger zone

I accompanied the Ma for her follow up visit to the Gastroenterology Specialist from 2 weeks ago today. A fair bit of good news. Her blood tests came back negative for the anti antiIg something. Also, her liver enzymes had dropped by about 80% according to the good doctor. I'm just glad that she's on the mend, well at least her liver is. She had me worried for a fair bit of time, not knowing the cause of the elevated liver enzymes levels. I thank you all for your kind prayers for the Ma.

On a side note, I'm most definitely not out of the danger zone. Spent 5 hours plus on the phone with Cheeky Monkey last night. He's being a cheeky monkey indeed ! Haha ... But I'm not complaining.

It was a marathon session. From 9 plus in the evening to about 2.30 the next morning. I hope I don't faint when the next phone bill arrives ! Poor baby was basically stoned in the office. I can imagine what's that like, waking up at 6.30am just to hear my voice again. Haha ... Sorry, dearie ! :D At least I get to wake up a wee bit later and take a short nap now.

*yawns*

Get over me

So I met up with him earlier. Talked to him and told him that we should not continue seeing each other. That taking it slow has now come to a halt.

Surprisingly, he took it pretty well. Haha. Considering that Cheeky Monkey thought he might get violent. As if.

One thing he asked me to do. Think it over. And if I still say yes tomorrow, he will let me go. I listened and told him, I'll grant him this request. I know I've made my mind up.

Ah.

He's a good guy, most times but as you know, we'd drifted a little after he discovered a text which blew everything I knew and trust of him to pieces. Maybe it's the best option yet.

*shrugs*

I guess only time will tell if things are meant to be. Things, do indeed happen for a reason. In the grand cosmic universe, nothing is stable. I accept and I believe.

Sisters Unite !

Whew !

I'd say what a night. The day started out alright, I had a good night's sleep, considering. I've decided to pop a visit to Elder Sister's (ES) place earlier as I have not seen the kids for a week ! Missed those 'lil buggers. Also, I've got things to pass over to them after the somewhat major clean up.

I was actually supposed to meet up with Kav for a lunch date because we had postponed it for too many times. So anyways, as that got postponed again, I'm left with a wide open plan for the day.

So. I thought, what the hey right ? I might as well spend some quality time with the sisters and Ma. So what then do we decide to do ? Makan of course ! We went down to Bedok Food Centre (it's so convenient with one straight bus from my place ... ) and ate and ate. My Younger Sis (YS) with not much to do at home decided to come with. ES brought Yayah along as she was calling out to her mommy when we went stock replenishing spree aka grocery shopping. So there, you have it, Sisters Unite ! Haha ... We should form a good team. We are a good team. We rock, Sisters !

Food ordered, plenty and I had to eat, of course. My resolve shredded to smithereens because, where's the enjoyment of food if you can't join in, eh ? Satay, Tauhu Telor, Fried Carrot Cake, Fried Kway Teow with fresh cockles and Pisang Goreng ! Yummy !!! Mans, I salivate again thinking of the food.

After the Makan Session, Ma wanted to go straight home but we sisters decided that the night was still young. So after dropping off the Ma and Yayah, we then decided to head off to Changi Airport. Both YS and I have yet to see Terminal 3 and ES volunteered to be our "tour guide". What a lovely way to spend the evening ! What a crowd as it seems like everyone had also decided to pop down to Changi Airport for a 'lil recreational walking.

Terminal 3 to Terminal 2 to Terminal 1. ES was quite excited to be there and the idea of checking in and fly on a plane at the drop of a hat. She had never flown before and was quite hyped up about flying. I wanted to fly too !!! We walked and walked and walked. All those walking, wow ! If I didn't build any calf muscles, I don't know what will ! We finally found a sweet spot at the viewing gallery of T1. Sat and chatted and got grilled. I was throwing the idea of spending the night at Cheeky Monkey's place. Catch the Man U match or just get konked out on the sofa. Wanted a cover from the Ma and YS was quite agreeable to it. Thanks, sis !

In the end, I didn't because 1) I'm not that kind of girl and 2) It's much too early to be spending the night.

So there you go. I'm gonna say goodnight and sweet dreams !

Clean up

I just got back from the office. Thank you, Iz Bro for sending me all the way home. Considering that you have to make a cross country track from the West (my office) to the East (my place) and back to the West again (your place) ! And so late too ! R and I appreciated all the extra pair of hands that you rendered in the clearing of the storage spaces. Even so, R still has one more level to clear. I don't know when he would be able to do so as he'd be away soon. Maybe, we'll try clearing sometime next week ? If I don't get grounded for staying late every night.

Okay, I confessed. I left the office earlier than normal yesterday. But all those late coming home is seriously wearing my Ma's patience. And when I reached home late, I missed dinner and I think the Ma's getting kinda pissed off with all the wasted non eaten food. She made chicken rice yesterday (or rather on Thursday !) and I said I would be home in time to eat but I didn't eat even though I was home before 11pm ! Bad girl !

Well, I'm seriously exhausted. I guess I will have to sleep soon.

Goodnight birdies !

Comics !

I went over to Cheeky Monkey's place after work. He wanted to show me his comic books aka graphic novels collection. He wanted to recommend some reads as he noticed that I did like the Marvel series (who wouldn't, by the way).

I borrowed 5 books after much consideration as there was only so much I could carry back. Hah ... This is where the post got to be censored !

Anyways, CM, if you're reading this, I guess the fun and games had started ? But before we jump in with both feet, let me untie the one knot, that is my guy. I've decided that the best option for us (me and him) is for me to cut off all strings and knots so that we (you and me) can hang out more often. Whaddya' think ? Not that I need your permission, of course !

So anyways, since CM's place was so far in the boondocks, I had to make sure I did not miss the last fast bus around. I left at about late 9-ish. So here I am. At home, feeding unnecessary reading materials to you poor souls. Haha. Too bad, I like ! :p

One step ...

Did I care to mention ? Did I dare to mention ?

Yes, I did ! And Yes, I will !!!

We kissed and hugged !!

Ah ... Life is so complicated. If only things were different. If only we are different people ... *sighs*

It was nice, I like it ! :D

To bed, to bed ... I shall

I am soooooo sleepy.

Just chatting with R at the moment. Have to stop soon. Need to not look like the ugly cousin of the panda family. Hah. As if, I could !

So anyways, Sam sent me the link for the medical schools in China which are recognised here. He told me it would cost about 50 grand for 5 years of study. Tempting, isn't it ?

I shall have a look through tomorrow (or rather later today) to deliberate. Not an easy task to just up and go and study again. Tempting as it may sound ....

I need the moolah, though. Shall I start a campaign for "Send Hel to medical school" fund ?

Haha ..

Alone again, naturally ...

I am by my lonesome self in the GO. *sobs*

 

Not a problem, really. I just feel the loneliness, that's all. Everyone has left me behind during this lunch period. *sobs*

 

Lonely. I am so lonely. I've got nobody to call my own (or some weird shit or something ... )

 

So.

 

Here I am.

 

On the plus point. I'm going out for lunch later. Errands to run and shit like that.

A light touch

And it started again. I don't know why I cannot stop myself from indulging in this curiosity. After all curiosity did kill 2 of my beloved cats.

I am behaving like a besotted old lady. I cannot believe the involuntary actions taking place. The thoughts jumping into my head and the visions assaulting my mind. Things like placing my hand on his back to give him a shove forward. Imagining what it feels like to touch his lips with mine. Seeing the comfort of the position in hugging him from behind. Getting the text or MSN messages from him when I'm just thinking of sending them over.

*shakes head*

But it can't be. Thoughts and visions are left as it is. I must not. I will not.

Okay, people.

I promise, no more of this weird shit. I promise to behave like a right lady and not tempt him.

I will not encourage, so please discourage me.

You know who you are, the one, I'm writing about here.

And he said ...

Nothing you idiot.
Dr Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement.

The phrase that had kept me sane through these trying 2 weeks is, "It's easy to flirt with someone if neither of you are really interested. It's much harder to flirt with someone you like."

The issue that had been wrestling in my mind is who is the one I'm really interested in ? Is it really interest, the hinge, that is keeping me with him or is it interest that wants me to try with the other someone ?

I am confused. On the one hand, I should be the mature, take charge person, that I am. On the other hand, I want to throw caution to the wind and just seize the opportunity as it rises.

Then again, what price will I pay for that 2 moments of bliss ? Will it even be the bliss as I envisage it to be ? Or will this be the case of the grass is greener on the other side ? However way I tried to rationalise it, I always come back to this one definite conclusion. Someone's gonna get hurt. Bad.

Will I know ? Do I want to find out ? I don't know. I have a sneaking suspicion that the hurt person will be me. The one who thought too much and too long and so, let slip the best person to cross my path. Do I want to chance it ?

As the words of Mary McGregor, "Torn between two lovers feeling like a fool. Loving both of you is breaking all the rules."

On a more positive note. Man Utd trashed Liverpool last night to go ahead 5 points clear of the top of the EPL table after Arsenal crashed out to Chelsea. Hahaha ... Glory, Glory Man United. And the Reds go marching by ! :D

Why am I smoking ?

You are a firefighting nicotine junkie!

The nicotine monster has you addicted. At the same time, smoking is a tool you use to fight the emotional fires in your life in areas such as stress and self-confidence.

Nicotine gives you a sense of alertness and energy, similar to other drugs like heroin. It also tricks your brain into craving for cigarettes throughout the day whenever the nicotine level in your body runs low.

You may find that smoking gives you a sense of pleasure and over time, more cigarettes are needed to attain the same level of stimulation and satisfaction. When you try to deprive your body of nicotine, you are likely to experience some kind of withdrawal symptoms such as running nose, dry cough and irritability.

From the emotional aspect, smoking is a tool you use to cope with emotional turmoil among other things.

You tend to smoke when you feel stressed, depressed or anxious. Cigarettes give you a temporary sense of relief, but it doesn’t solve the problems that are causing those feelings.

Smoking may also boost your self confidence and make you feel more comfortable with friends who are smoking around you.

What works:
Nicotine addiction
If you are worried about withdrawal symptoms, consult a pharmacist or a doctor for quit smoking aids such as NRT or prescriptive medication such as Buproprion Hydrochloride tablets. Together with some simple changes in lifestyle and a good dose of determination, the withdrawal symptoms will pass within 2 to 3 weeks.

Coping with your feelings
While breaking out of this is easier said than done, if you are thinking of quitting, it is possible to find ways to manage your emotions more effectively. For example, if stress and anxiety are affecting you, try relaxation exercises to take your mind off problems, or talk to someone you can trust to release the negative feelings. If it is confidence you need, there are many techniques out there to help you stand tall and show off the great person you are.

For more, please click here.

I understand, now

In the name of God,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful

10 Those who persecute (or draw into temptation) the Believers, men and women, and do not turn in repentance, will have the Penalty of Hell: they will have the Penalty of the burning Fire. 11 For those who believe and do righteous deeds, will be Gardens; beneath which Rivers flow: that is the great Salvation, (the fulfilment of all desires). Sūrah 85 – Al-Burūj

Saturday Night

I am at work. And it's not even an official work day. *sighs*

Me and my big mouth ....

But's it's okay. Kinda quiet, though sporadically there are people popping by to settle their exam fees. Gonna close the office soon.

Not soon enough, though !

Not eaten

For the record.

The last proper meal I had was lunch. Yesterday. In the school canteen.

All I had from then until now are:

1) Water

2) One Halls cube

3) Iced coffee (refer to the previous post)

4) Water

5) A cup of Milo + coffee

6) A slice of whitebread with peanut and choc nutella spreads

7) Two pieces of lemon biccie

Haha ... Calculate my calorie count. Look at my nutritional values. Some people might even think I am starving myself. Hmmm ... Maybe I am. Just maybe.

Cheesed ...

I am cheesed and pissed. I was away from work for one freaking day and I was attacked. Freaking arsewipes !

I'll see how tomorrow goes. Thanks for the heads up, R !

Apology

I owe R an apology. Not just any old apology. A big stinkin' one to boot. I've been a right cock tease (his words, not mine). We both knew what we were going into when we started the exchange. My part, I knew that nothing would come out of it. My mistake ? I did not stop it immediately, instead I revelled in the attention and even encouraged him.

We had a most revealing chat earlier today and I'd been feeling out of sorts. How will I keep up the pretense that nothing happened. Well, technically nothing did happened. But still.

Arghh. So much for me thinking that it was nothing. Apparently, R had expectations. Something that should not have been there if I had not thought like a guy (my words).

And now I can never, ever have the same jokey guy in the office. I won't know when I would overstep the line again. It's just too hard (pardon the pun). I will have to start looking elsewhere.

Meanwhile, a certain someone is still a smidgeon unhappy with me. What did I ever do to piss off so many people at a time ? I'm so losing it. My good humour and sanity.

We choose to not to deal with the shit

Recently, as far back as 5 minutes ago, I had a thought. We cannot choose who our parents are. We cannot choose who shall be our sisters or brothers. But we can choose how we react when pooled in this lake we call our family. The grandparents, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts and cousins. The whole shebang of this network of people we have to deal with everyday or every other day.

People break your heart. As involved or as uninvolved you try to be, you can never segregate these family ties. And with that comes several responsibilities and obligations, connected or disconnected.

To know how to deal with all of them comes with a manual as thick as life is long. And until I read the final chapter, I choose not to deal with this shit. For as long as I live or the other parties are alive, I am not amused. Nor will I be abused. Emotionally, mentally and physically.

Not as expected

I was down in the doldrums today (or rather yesterday). It came as shock. He forgives me he said. I was so mad. What's to forgive ? I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't think I did anything wrong. I wanted to be okay for him. I wanted to be the girl, I think I should be. The one he thinks I should be ... Thank you for creating this ruckus I'd say. I know who you are and what you're capable of. I'm glad we got this sorted out. We will take this slow and when we come to the next cross road, we will take the path that's best for each of us. He forgives me ... *shakes head*

Granted we had not been spending as much time as we like to, so we are already taking this slow. Now, we are going at an even slower speed. Bumps ahead. Many bumps ahead.

I had a good walk coming back from the movies earlier. More so with company for the road. Sometimes, it's hard to draw the line between good natured teasings and friendly flirtations. But it's got to stop. I am making it stop.

Gosh !

But it's been so fun ... :(

Erratic behaviour

I've been skipping breakfast and dinner. Food is only meant to be had after 1 pm. I didn't break my morning coffee cycle though. Especially so now that the school term break had just started.

Work had been pretty depressing. Tonnes of stuff to do earlier this week. What with the 'A' and 'O' Level registration ongoing until next Saturday. Thankfully, I'd managed to send out the registration slips today. Granted I did not make the before 5pm deadline, but I did it all on my own. Registration, printing and address labelling. Proud, you betcha. Considering that manpower was down again today (R's on MC), I did it.

So why don't I feel like celebrating ?

Bad to the bone

Oh, mans. I've done something horrible. I just hope it doesn't come back to haunt me later. Fun and games to me may mean something else to somebody else. Sweet dreams, me.

Work

I've just woken up. A blissful slumber of close to 10 hours. I have not done the "Sleeping Beauty" bit in like the longest time. Just had a shower, so I am feeling refreshed. The household's quiet, haha ... Of course, considering the hour. Oh, hear that. Cats fighting downstairs. Or maybe calling out their loneliness.

I am lonely. Oh, so alone. One minute I am aware that I am surrounded by people. And the next I realised, who am I kidding ? We are born alone, so we will die alone. Five letter word that means so much.

I love my alone time. Just hanging out with my books and thoughts. Speaking of which. I'm gonna be finishing another book soon. Then I'm free to borrow more. I love the national library.

Oh, the reason I succumbed to the bed early was because of a most pounding headache. I was basically staring at my work screen the best part of yesterday. Add to the fact that I only had bread for lunch and snippets of sleep the night before. Not enough glucose for the old grey cells. Right-ho. Tummy's growling. Thinking of food ... Catch you guys soon !

Of oyster omelette and Triumph sale

We made plans all week. To meet up today to check out the warehouse sale. Not near, not that far either. Met up in the afternoon, just us sisters. Elder sis and I waited for younger sis as she's coming directly from home. WM will be touching down later tonight so the ES thought, hey, the last time for us to hangout together.

So anyways, went to the warehouse. Hordes and hordes of women. All sizes, all colours, all types. The bras, I was talking about. Sad to say, I didn't get any. Nada, zilch in my size and cup. Seriously, I don't see that many women walking about with the same chest size as mine. *tsks*

Once we were done with the mingling with the rest of our gender, we hopped on a bus back to the main interchange. Where to go for makan ? Bigger question, what to makan ? I suggested the Food Centre off Bedok Camp. Yummy food and also I had been dying to try out the oyster omelette.

Placed the order, ES wanted the fried kway teow with cockles, YS wanted the fried carrot cake and I ? I wanted the oyster omelette. Order the drinks, and the food arrived. Smelled heavenly, tasted even better. Most satisfying. After our late lunch/early dinner, planned to have dessert at Swensen's. Changi Airport ? Considering my ES and her extended family are gonna be there later. Too early, she said. Okay, then. We'll popped down Singapore Expo and have a look see.

Made our way over. Travel Fair, Popular and Watson Sale. Having to buy an admission ticket for the Travel Fair, we said, no thanks. So after buying some nice tops for the nieces and nephew and sisters, we went over to Hall 4 for the Popular fair. I bought a Jennifer Crusie and a Carole Matthews ! Happiness ! Walked over to Watson's Warehouse Sale but nothing really interest me. By then I was also exhausted, having been up since 9 am with just 5 hours of sleep ! *tsks* Mom was also antsy by then, considering Abi was being cranky having been left behind by everyone.

Made our way home and then both sis left with Abi to pick WM from the airport. Me ? I am crashing after this post.

Night all !