Another you another me

Wow.

What a day it has been for me. You guys must know what it's like when it's a crisis management kinda day, right? Well, an almost crisis happened to me earlier. Remember I was telling you on how I was the one handling the GCE Level registration ? I thought the nightmare has long left me, but boy, oh boy, was I so wrong !

Today I found out there was some kind of screw up involving 3 students. And where did the screw up start ? The very beginning. Har...! Right now I am waiting for a phone call which will try to resolve part of this mess. Yes, I am staying in later than usual. Earlier I took time off, to go at 4 o'clock. When I realised that this unknotting of the thread is going to take sometime, I cancelled my time off. Arrgghhh....I could have reached home by now. Go down to the photo shop and develop my film. The photos I took for yesterday's wedding. Wonder how it will turn up. Also not to forget the photos I took at Louisa's wedding which was like 2 months back.

I have finally finished painting my room. Yesterday I found out that Ju (my cousin) also had her room painted lilac. So much for the uniqueness (sort of defeats the purpose because the paint was store bought. Hence, mass made. No such thing as individuality !)..... All I have to do now is to make my room a more habitable place. Put my computer back inside. Add a tv. Tidy up my book case. Then I am home free.

The call is still not in yet. ARRGGGHHH.....

How long should I stay ? Should I call back ?

Lay all your love on me

Ever woke up one morning and while folding your blanket you just thought to yourself, "Wouldn't it be grand to piss somebody off today ?" Well, yeah, never thought that the somebody could be yourself. So against all logic and emotion, you go all out and try to make your target's day a living hell. Then it all backfires and blows up in your face. And hey, you did piss somebody off. Although only yourself.

So on the way home, you listen to Steps' Last Dance CD on repeat mode. Ain't that a perfect ending to a real sh**ty day.

That niggling feeling

I have a sneaky feeling that I have no more friends in the world. Fie and Sha have both been in their own worlds. Not a beep from either one of them. Okay, I stand corrected. Sha did texted me the other day. Just to ask if I know how much the annual income tax is. Not a hello, how are you. Not another beep. Only when I responded and asked her why she needed the info, she told me she's working out her budget. Then all quiet. Later in the day I asked her about her convocation, I got the sneaky feeling she didn't want to reply to my text message. Prior to that, I texted her to check if she'd done her Advanced Theory Test and asked if she minded doing it together and she replied, she liked to. And said that Has would want to do her Basic Theory together. After that there wasn't anymore contact with her. Granted that she's starting a new job soon and graduation from Uni is right round the corner, it's no excuse to not just like drop me a text message now and then. Calling a spade a spade, I think I am slowly being "let go" by my friends.

And Fie...?? Don't get me started. She's like basically MIA. I just went to her blog (a new old blog) and found out she's like totally buried in tonnes of work things. Like, yeah I can empathise but I only found out about her blog when I happened to visit her bf's blog. It's like, screw friends. My life is now more important than my old 'mates.

Consider this, with Samuel going to the UK in Sept, there'd be no one else I can hang out with aside from my colleagues. Suddenly I realised that I have not moved on any further than when I finished my diploma programme. I have not done one thing to ensure the betterment (is there such a word ?) of my future self. I keep coming in here to rant and rave the unfairness of my life and yet I've done nothing to improve it. I am left way behind. So far that I can't even see the person before me. If life is a journey than I am damn sure I am just one of those inanimate things you passed along the way.

On a more cheerful note.

My cousin's getting married on Sunday. It's a matchmade marriage. She's my age, give and take a few months. Also my sister is about to pop her second baby. Yay... An aunt for a second time.

Yeah....

Finally, the higher ups are done updating my blog. The whole of yesterday, I waited and waited for them to be done and I did have so much to write on and they were still not done by the time I left work.

Okay the difference doesn't come in on the published pages, more on the interface of my blog. The stage when I am writing in all my ponderings and wishful thinkings. It looks better now. There are colours. Other colours aside from, hmmmm.... black and white. Welcome additional colours of blue (3 shades) and grey !

Okay first thing first, I need to remove the links that lead to non existing pages and add new ones ! Yesterday when I went to Alisa's, she has added in Roz's & Vani's links. Wonder if they mind me adding their links to my site. I clicked on their links to have a look see and both of them have got no comments link so I can't ask them if they would mind. Guess I can email them and ask. Or....Sorry, I just received a call from Eve. She's locked out from the school. Will be off to find doors for her to enter the school.

Where was I ?

Oh, yes... I could leave a message on Alisa's tag board and ask them there. Brilliant idea, Helena. *pats on the back*

Will write in later. Got work to do.

Hey what's up..... ????

I just have not been too up to it to write. Besides, what more can I say to show the world what a complete ass I've become ? Anyway, life is not treating me too badly. Somedays good, somedays just plain sucks you in the face. No way, spits you in the face....

Hiiiii.......

I did not write in here for a number of days because

1) I do NOT want the mag cover of Neo and Trinity to disappear. Hence prolonging my affections for The Matrix Reloaded.

2) My computer was not plugged in at home.

3) I needed to paint the walls of my room, hence my computer has to be in the living room.

4) The power socket is far from where I've put the computer and there is no existing phone jack nearby.

5) I was busy in the General Office because it's the school holidays now.

6) When I am there, I have qualms about using free internet at work for my own purpose.

7) Nobody ever reads my weblog, hence I don't see the purpose to write in every single day.

8) I hate the computer viruses lurking in the big, bad cyberspace.

9) I use the time to read and clean my room instead of surfing and writing in my blog page.

10) This entry would surely banish the last picture (Rolling Stone cover of the leads of TMReloaded) I have on my current page.


~10 Reasons Why My Last Entry Was Dated June 11 2003~

I am off the bread meals. Okay sandwich meals. I swear the amount of bread I've eaten could have lasted me well into next month. Uggh....Now I am on instant noodles. Though it seemed that I am spending more money then for my usual meals. What to do... ???

I've been eating Peanut Butter and Jam (PB&J) sandwiches for lunch these few days. Reason ? I'm becoming an el cheapo. It's not any other Peanut Butter. It's chunky peanut. Nice.... I'm eating this not because I'm dieting (I finished up 1 tub of Yam flavoured ice cream last night. 500 ml... Tell me how I can be on a diet, like this ?). I just realised how much money I've been wasting since the beginning of last year. When I first joined the employement market, I barely spend on lunch and managed to save over 2K by the beginning of 2002. 18 months later, my bank account is still struggling to go past the 6K mark. Pathetic. So my new resolution is to go back on the lunch I did when I first joined. On the other hand, my mother was pretty much packing lunch for me previously. Now, poor Mother can't wake up in the morning to cook. Not that I blame her or anything. Frequently she has the intention to and I told her NOT to. Wake up at 4 am to cook. Just for me. Not fair.... Besides I am 22 and I can cook for myself. If I want to. If I even bother to wake up at 4 am.

To cook, of course.

I can't sit back and do nothing. So, I've decided to do something about my future. There is no way I am able to change my past, but my future... It's up to me to conduct my own explorations. For the record, I want to thnk Samuel for prying my eyes open and shoving me in the direction I should consider going. I know that my fate is predestined and tied up with the decisions / choices I'd made. So I believe that even though you can't change your fate, you can certainly choose the way to go to reach your destination.

My lunch hour just finished. Will continue this later.

Damnation.... !!!!

My computer connection is damn bloddy slow... ! Wonder what's wrong with the school server... ???

No matter. Since yesterday, I have picked up the pieces of my life (Wah, so dramatic...) and I have decided to start afresh. I can't go back to the past and get my grades changed. At the back of mind, I always knew I never wanted to further my education locally (yeah, disgruntled, rejected applicant). If I'd wanted to, I'd gone on and taken my 'A' levels when the opportunity presented itself. Or even if I'm desperate for a Bachelor, I'd gone on and taken up the teaching option (which is, like, so yucks !). So here I am trawling the web for the other options. And the stupid server is not making it any easier. Maybe it's a sign telling me to do my research at home... ???

Talking of my home PC, I was so tempted to change machine yesterday. Reason ? I went to the PC Show 2003 at Singapore Expo and fell in love with a HP Pavillion PC. Damn !!! Aesthetic features, chockful of wonderful softwares, big memory, expeditious speed, whoah.... I was totally mesmerised. And the best bit, price is at S$2,199 only. Just for the duration of the show. So, right now I am wrestling with myself whether to get it or not.... I love my PC but it's like a turtle in the era of the hare. It does its job and since I did spent like 80 bucks for a new modem and ethernet card for my turtle a 2 months ago, getting a hare is like, hmmm...shortchanging my turtle. Poor munchkin.... !

Anyways, worse comes to worse, I'd just upgrade the RAM speed and HDD. Add another drive (or two) and my turtle would be a pseudo hare. Worth it ? *shrugs* Have to get the opinions of people who has the knowledge. Until then, I must remember not to throw away money like trash. So many things to get, so little cash to spare. Err... I might look for a part time job to supplement my wants. My needs are already taken care of. But then again, am I clear over my wants and my needs ??? Life is so tough. Decisions after decisions to be made. Life is madness and I am mad. Which means, I am life ??? Or the madness of life is just for me ???

Arrgghhh...

Rejections are the hardest. Even though you have already psyched yourself up for failure, there is still a tiny bit of you hoping. And even though you know that you were never fully into the option. Still you dare to expect. Well, it's clear now. I'm just not good enough. Not a failure per se, but just not good enough.

Dear Sir/Madam

APPLICATION FOR ADMISSION

I refer to your application for admission to the Nanyang Technological University/National University of Singapore.

We have carefully considered your application but we regret to inform you that you have not been successful as there were many candidates ahead of you in academic merit, who have taken up the places available.

During the peak admissions period, we deeply regret that the Office of Admissions is unable to take telephone enquiries. All questions concerning admission should be addressed to the Office of Admissions in writing.

Yours faithfully




f. Secretary
Join Admissions

This is a computer-generated letter. No signature is required.

I can't say I'm not affected. I've had my doubts about getting through, then I realised if it's meant to be, it will be. So it's not meant to be, so be it. The cold, hard reality, I'm not good enough. Period. No excuses, no arguments. Bottom line, I am NOT good enough.

So let me wallow for a tiny bit.

*blink* *blink* *blink* *blink*

*blink* *blink* *blink* *blink*

*blink* *blink* *blink* *blink*

*blink* *blink* *blink* *blink*

*blink* *blink* *blink* *blink*

Seriously, I don't know what to write today. I was thinking of writing about the Mis Universe beauty pagent but, ah well.... Boring topic, flesh parade, political results.... So screw that.

My elder sis is moving out. Well, she's like 75% moved. Gonna be clearing the rest of her stuff like over the weekend. So this weekend, I need to tidy up my room a little because Siti's sub con will be coming in to patch up certain areas of my walls. Can you believe that most of the cement are peeling off ? Either by their own accord or with the help of my crazy cats !!! And the apartments are supposed to have 99 years shelf life. Yeah, right.....So much for that... !

Oh, NDP tix giveaways..... At least this year, they've decided to abolished the first come, first served ruling. It sucks because you have to queue overnight (some people stayed for 2-3 nights) just to get the coveted tix. The National Day Parade at the National Stadium is like the event of the year. And why shouldn't it be ? It's THE day of celebration of our independence. August 9 1965, the day we were free from our colonial masters. Hmm.... Suddenly I'm teary eyed. Anyway, gonna be trying my luck. With expectation comes hope.

Later.

My Steps CD just came in.....

Yay... !!!!! So damn happy...! My first international online order ! Harhar...Watch out world, I can spend...!

(Yeah, right... More likely watch out bank account, prepare to come face to face with the bottom of the well...!)

The CD is The Last Dance. The reason I got it from UK is because, locally the CD is sold as a single CD. Whereas in UK, it's a double CD. And it cost me less than 30 Sing bucks including shipping and handling. Real good deal...! Wouldn't have bought it online if I can get it, here, right?

Hmm...gonna spend months listening to both CDs.

I was also looking for Fat Boy Slim's You've Come A Long Way, Baby and The Matrix soundtrack in the stores here. Couldn't find it. So I decided to get my friends studying overseas (namely, Australia and New Zealand) to help me obtain them there. Kind Rozana said she doesn't mind burning the CDs for me (she has them...yay !!!!) and can ask her friend who will be coming back later this month to hand them over to me. Double yay !!!!!

So in terms of CD acquisition, today is a DAMN good day !!!!

This is the start of the exam week here in my work place. Lab's definitely quiet, although the reason would be that my radio's turned off. Yeah, I don't listen to it in the mornings anymore because of the change of flagship to the Morning Show on Class 95. No more Maggie and Vernon to partner the Flying Dutchman. Instead, Glenn and Rod were the replacements. And they killed the show. At least on my end. Too bad my radio can't tune to other stations aside from the web radio, of course. It sucks. Big time. Anyway, later I'd be assigned to temperature takings of the students who come in for their later papers. Seems to me I've done anything that needs to be done here. Oh, wait, NOT everything. I have yet been asked to act as the security guard or take over the cleaners. My guess is, very soon... I'd be deployed to mop the floors and scrub the loos. Such is my life here. Small fry eaten by big fish.

Oh, talking about fish, I WANNA WATCH FINDING NEMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isabelle is a patron of the abandoned kitties here in Singapore. At least the kitties at her estate and an estate in Yishun. She has been feeding them milk, 3 times a day. Abandoned the owners of their mommies and/or by the mommies who accidentally forgot the path to their own kitties. Maybe they never forgot (mother's instincts are pretty accurate) the path to theri lil' darlings. Just that some idiotic human beings moved the precious ones away. Like I said, I D I O T S !!!!

So Singapore has been taken of the WHO list of SARS affected countries. People were out celebrating over the weekend. Yay....?!? I mean yeah, so taken off the list, so bloddy what..? Does not mean we are SARS free. Tell me a country which is SARS free. Okay, then tell me 10. Not easy right? Because SARS is infectious. On or off the list, it makes little difference if the people here are still indifferent. So, forget the celebrations. What's the point anyway ? Who knows, we could be another Canada in the making. Until we can totally eradicate (or at the very least find the vaccine) SARS, what's the point of celebrating when the threat is still there. Life sucks, huh?

See, what 2 days of not writing does to me ? So much rants, no one to read. But still, life goes on.

Right, my conscience is calling me. I need to do proper work. Some other time. Ta.....