And he said, "I miss you."

He called.

First, to congratulate me of my sister's nuptials. Then he asked if I was free for dinner tonight. I said yes, but I didn't plan to have dinner at all. He became concerned and asked after my health and the 'rents.

His low, sexy voice almost made me break my resolve. It's been close to a month since we parted ways. Then somehow in the midst of our conversation, he asked if I'd changed my mind.

Coyly, I quipped if it's about dinner. He laughs (and I almost melted !) and said, "You know what about."

I've got so much to say to him. Like how I refused to wash my jacket because it retained his scent. How being snug in bed on rainy days made me want to dial his number and hear his voice. And that seeing couples made me long to have his torso wedged to mine.

How do I tell him all that and not be more than what we were ? And so, being a cowardly ninny, I said thanks for the wishes for my sis and that I will pass it along. I've got to run and clean the bathroom was the most decent excuse I'd come up with.

When all I really wanted to say was that, "I miss you too."

And then there's one

Hey, what do you know ? My vision came true. Am I a psychic or what ?

The vision in question ?

Me, being the last lassie to get hitched in my household. Now, now before you brand me an old maid with five cats, let me just correct you.

I am but a young maid with five cats ! Notice the distinction ? Good, I did that on purpose.

So anyways, congratulations are in order for my youngest sister. Thank you for the past 23 years of you singly. May your marriage lasts and happiness follows you where you may be.

I love you loads. You know that don't you ?

Dum-doo-dum ...

All right, all right. I'll leave work now. Before I do, just want to give a warm, big shout out to Sam.

WELCOME BACK !!!

Hey, I know I am a few days late but, better late than never, right ? So we might not meet up tomorrow night, can we schedule another day then ? I just don't wish to meet up with the rest. So.

Drop me a text message if you happen to be reading this post before you leave for HK.

Have a great evening, y'all !

Colour me red

I still remember the last thought I had before I woke up this morning. Thought because a) I can remember and b) I was almost up (snooze time). I recall that I had a heated exchange with Sha. She said she was pissed with me and I shouted back that I was pissed at her too !

This conversation was taking place in my mind at a very high volume. I guess my subconscious is telling me something I should heed. Or perhaps this is just something I'd conjured up for some kind of justification. I don't remember the exact details prior to this "shouting match" though.

Maybe I am just angry. This anger's happening to me almost too often these days. Was it because of an expectation too high or was it because I am just projecting something ?

Head shrinks, you tell me.

Don't stop movin'

Phew !

What a day ! I have just reached home from work. My feet are aching, my eyes are tired and my brain feels like it's going to explode. I have officially pulled another 10 hour work day today. No other excuses other than the fact it's the first day of the new term.

New enrollees, teachers and faces. Interesting. So it got me thinking when will I spend a day at a new work place ?

The emoticon that represents you best is

The Smiling Face



What's up, smiley? Somehow you just always seem to find a way to turn that frown upside down. Your upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor brighten up any room, including your favorite chat room.

Like your classic emoticon counterpart, you're a staple on anyone's list. Boring days and sleepless nights are far more bearable when you're online to chat. Whether you're shooting the breeze, catching up, or giving out advice, you can cheer up anyone on the other side of the conversation. So keep lightening the mood, making new friends, and bringing smiles to other folks' faces. After all, it's just so natural for you!

Leave me alone

All is not well in the household. My younger sis had another round of argument with my mother. I overheard more or less of the conversation. Then she left and my mom wanted to talk (or complain) about that and I told her (not too nicely, I must add) that I don't want to know about it. I really don't care much about her (my sis) idiotic point of view and how she (my mother) cannot take her brand of insolence.

For once I don't want to be bogged down by this inane, petty frictions ! Let me not be the middle person for once today ! Am I asking for too much ?? Anyways, I think this is more of a pity and regret entry for not providing that listening ear to Mom.

And now Bujang's going through another round of not being able to pass urine. I need to monitor and probably I might bring him down to the vet sometime next week. I'd probably ask for a little time off on Monday or Tuesday if things go well at work.

Right. Let me just state this for one and all (myself included). I don't do self pity and self regret often. This is just an abberation of the norm. Pardon me for this loss of self constraint.

Wet, soggy socks!

What a downpour !

Let me re-write it.

WHAT A DOWNPOUR !!!!

I like walking in the rain and all but not walking in puddles and oodles of water !!! The pavements were (traffic watch speak) water ponding. The rain was so heavy that half my jeans was wet and my socks got soaked through. I walked with a squishing sound. People thought I was providing the sound effects for an alien crushing scene !

When I reached the office, I had to remove my socks and shoes and walk around barefooted on the icky carpet. You know, to switch on the lights and aircon and the copier. Eeeks !

I have an urgent need to pee and fill up my bottle but I dare not walk all over the place until my feet saviour arrives. Haha. I texted Mother a while ago to borrow a pair of slippers or sandals while waiting for my shoes to dry (Thank you Mother !).

I am still waiting for my jeans to dry. Cool air plus full bladder equals to unpleasant sight and smell.

Soon.

Mad ... mad .... mad ....

Imagine this.

You come in to work, go through the same routine of unpacking your bag and then you saw this.

Hey, something's not right.

I remember I did not open the pack, did not have the urge at all to get endorphins coursing through my system.

We have a rat situation in the office ? But, the halved was too perfect to have a ferreting murine species here. Well, I guess it had to be a homo sapien who did the helping.

The opened side of the packet was folded but then the trail of ants meant it was not resealed.

People, have the decency to finish the stuff you take from someone else's table. Then leave a note to inform or if you can't finish it off, please, at least have the courtesy to seal all sweet, sugary stuff or keep it in the fridge ! And now, I have to content with the ants situation.

Thanks for nothing, yeah ?

Everything reminds me of you

For the first morning this week, I didn't have to spend time under the bus stop across from school waiting out the rain. No sudden downpours along the journey to work. The sun peeking meekly from behind the grey clouds.

I kind of like walking in the drizzle. I would see everyone else scurrying to open their brollies like lush fungi after the rain.

But me ?

I like walking in the rain.

Fruit Mentos

I went out to lunch today. We went to Bukit Timah Plaza. Hitched a ride from Mr G to BTP. Jas, Y, Mother, R, Cher and myself spent 2 hours for lunch today. Pretty unbelievable, eh ?

Oh, wells. I've always been the goody girl. And the irony was that I looked like the goody girl in my purple baju kurung. Well, looks are indeed deceiving, no ?

I'm hitting the sack early tonight to wake up at 3 am to watch the Swedes trash the English (rubs hands gleefully). Setting the alarms and off to beddy-bed I go now !

The Way - Fastball

They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?

They drank up their wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
When the car broke down
They started walking
But where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?

Anyone can see the road that they walked on
Is paved with gold
It's always summer
They'll never get cold
They'll never get hungry
They'll never get old and grey
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They won't make it home
But they don't really care
They wanted the highway
They're happier there today

Their children woke u
And they couldn't find them
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off and left it all behind 'em
But where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?

(Tony Scalzo)
Published by Bible Black ASCAP
© 1997 Hollywood Records
Taken from the album "All The Pain Money Can Buy"

Hiatus

I went out on Thursday with a *bang* and then disappear for 3 days. Well, now I'm back !

So anyways, I am thinking of what to have for lunch. Should I just have Campbell's soup with bickkies or go out and buy ??? If I do go out, I can't decide what to eat. My stomach's feel like there's a huge lump in it. Although, I am quite partial to OCK's fishball on stik. Mmmmm ... Yums !

Whip me up into a frenzy

People who have been reading my posts these days may think I am all about the doom and gloom. Contrary to popular belief, I do have some joys in life. They might be at the expense of the people I interact with day in, day out but joy nonetheless.

And so, in today's final post for the day, my contributing joy is R. The dude sitting next to me in the Office. Some days I just want to strangle him, but there are other days, well ... He darned made me laugh. And laugh out loud kind of laughs to boot.

He's like the brother I should have. Dude, you are funny shit sometimes ! And for that, thanks are in order.

Ouch ... ouch ...

I burnt my tongue !

It's cooked in the soup I had for lunch. If I didn't know any better, I'd bitten off part of my tongue and chew and digested it ! Thank goodness for some feeling left on the peripheral. Otherwise, a bloody mess I'd tell you !

{At the top of my voice}

I AM HUNGRY !!!!!

*growls*

Being ignored and made to sit at the sidelines

Think power. Think how it make everything goes. Think how power is always seen as a strong, positive word. Think power and domination.

Then think of me in a corner. Snickering at the fools who think they have the power.

Everything is temporary.

Your life, your family, your "friends", you. Then equate that power with temporary. We think we have power just because our brains tick and our hearts beat. Sadly, these powerful people never consider the fact that everything they consider so powerful will render them powerless in a nanosecond. The heart stops its rythmic beatings and where would it leave them ?

Six feet under, and then some.

Everything is temporary. And knowing that, now, that's the real power.

Blink and miss it

I'd written an earlier post. I had to remove it because somebody commented that I'd saboed him. Not my intention to do so and since, I am such a nice and obliging person, I have removed the potentially "offensive" post. I did not delete it off though. I'd save it under personal viewing.

I am on the verge of giving it all up. All this juggling and compromising is making my arms ache. And so, I must leave. Goodbye all.

Think not, want not

Dear Online Weblog,

I think the people at work hate me. I think I hate me too. I am mentally not quite here these days. I know the people at work do read my posts. It is okay, I am mental. No need to analyse my psyche. No need to take out all the textbooks to find references. Just go through my previous posts and you will understand. It’s not you. It’s always me. Had always been me.

You don’t have to understand where I stand now.

I am reminded of what E said before. You know it’s time for you to move on once you get bored with your current situation. Honestly. I am bored now.

Speed + High = Drugs ?

I've got a few minutes left before I end the work day. All in all, quite a quiet day. Both BBB and BBS are on leave this entire week. And so, we are having a bit of a blast. Not possible to have too much blasting on the account the damages would be too great.

I am stoning so much and I've just realised I missed a Las Vegas episode last night due to my early night. Boo-hoo, right ?

Whatever.

My head's gonna explode soon, all this staring at the monitor business and the tremendous amount of filing to do is not helping. Aside from the sunny, sunny day, that is ! What ? No rain today ? *sad face*

I need a good lie down. Hmmm ... maybe I'll nap on the way home. Yeah, if I'm not tempted to finish reading Marian Keyes' Angels. Good book, Way funny. Funny har-har kind.

Haha.

Heads up, thumbs up

There is a slight problem with the school's network. I can't sign in and am not able to access the school's email system. I was informed it went down on Saturday, obviously resolve was not made at the end of the work day. No matter, once H comes in, everything should be fine. Server switched on and all.

So everyone's (almost) nuts about the World Cup (WC). Including my mother who doesn't believe nor see the point of 20 men chasing a ball all over the green yonder. She caught the first half of the Mexico-Iran match last night. Obviously, she liked it because she mentioned the pace and scoreline (gasps !) to me this morning while I was getting ready for work. I missed all 3 games last night. Sleep was more important.

No matter, any match statistics can be retrieved from the internet on the official website. Everyone's connected and updated, every hour, minute and second. A plus point ? To some. Whatever it is, nothing really beats watching the matches live, no ?

Enjoyment factor up, sleep factor down.

Watch out ! The crazies are here to stay.

If I was a little bit saner and more diplomatic, I'd have killed myself. I guess I should not have gotten too involved, no matter what other people said. And just because I was not loud today, that did not mean something's not right. I could just be tired.

Or repressed. Maybe a tad bit suppressed. Definitely depressed.

And when I am that way, I will either lose myself in a good book or long sleep. Since I can't really have the 12 hours slumber time, I will settle for the book part. Afterall, I have 7 books clamouring for my attention.

*yawns*

Oh, me and my life

I'd blogged earlier except I think blogger's site was under maintenance. Oh wells. Now's the same anyways.

I am early, early, early to the office today, being school busless and all. It was not too bad taking 67 very early in the morning. All the people whom I usually encountered were not up yet. And so the bus's freezing cold and odour free. Which is a bliss as I spent the whole ride listening to Gold 90.5 FM and reading my latest Marian Keyes acquisition. Not that I bought the book, just borrowed it from the school library.

Talking about borrowing books. I went nuts yesterday !

Yeah, well, what else is new some of you might ask. Okay, okay ... I know sometimes I may be a brick short of a wall but.

Anyways, back to my nuts story. I went to visit the library last evening on my way home and went nuts borrowing books ! I mentioned to Y a few days ago that our borrowing limit is doubled this month. She quipped that every holidays, they double your borrwing limit (this was news to me btw). Then she added, "No point since all the good books are not available." I went, "Hur-hur..."

But you know what ??? I found good books last evening ! I got a Jill Winters and Robyn Sisman latest ! Like how cool is that ???? Hahah ... Now who's getting the "Hur-hur ..."?

Oh, for the uninitiated, I am such a bookworm ...

WAKE UP !

I forgot to bring my mobile home in my hastiness to fly the coop last evening. The realisation dawned when I was getting ready for a quick lie down while waiting for CSI to start. First come panic, then worry.

Panic because I thought I might have dropped it somewhere along the journey home. Also, I thought somebody with a sleight of hand could have pinched it from by bag. Then when the heartbeat slowed down a tad bit, the worry crept in. How the hell am I supposed to wake up in time tomorrow for work ???

Then eveerything cleared and I figured my mobile could still be sitting in my drawer waiting for its owner to pick her up from the depths and darkness of the temporary cave. I ceased to worry because I can use my mom's mobile for a wake up call !

And hey, I really don't have to worry much because 1) I fell asleep really early (no more CSI nights for me !) and 2) My in built alarm clock woke me up at 4.00 am this morning !!!

*groans*

I miss my baby

I was listening to Kate Winslet's rendition of 'What If' and it got me thinking about me and my guy. I know, wimpy. However, I had bit of a letting out session with N during lunch yesterday and that caused me to think that probably we might have made a hasty decision. Surely, we can work out our differences and move on from there.

Then again, as I've mentioned before, if we had continued on, it's be a waste of time for either of us. Maybe it's good that we are no more. Well, the good definitely did not come fast !

I guess, there's no point harping on this. I will move on. And post happy things, happy thoughts. Yeah, well ... I can only hope, no ?

Life's a bitch

Then we wait for death. Bottomline, life's not fair and never will be. Sometimes you just wonder how is that some people are born with the silver spoon in their mouth. And then there are others who can't even afford a spoon, let alone a silver one.

Of all things in the world, I've always wondered at the unfairness of the universe. Probably, just a way to maintain balance I think.

I am sounding a tad jealous, aren't I ? Well, I can't help it if they flaunt their "skiving" in my face. Yeah, yeah. Live and let live.

So now I am getting ready to fly the coop. The coop that's kept me occupied for nearly 9 hours everyday. But then, that's life, no ?

And life's a bitch.

Silly, it's just me!

So we talked. I did it the cowardly way. Over the phone. Well, if I must be frank, I'd done it via email. Yeah, yeah.

At least we are both on the same page now. We were not exclusive before but now, well. Let's just say, he or I won't be mad if we happen to see other people. It's a bit of a relief for me. Yeah, well. The idea of having someone closer than a buddy was a bit of a novelty. I guess, I am still feeling a bit the "the".

So anyways. We are cool now. I cringed when I read my previous posts. Gosh, was I high or what ??? I am not that gushy.

Sheesh kebabs !

Let me know when the sun comes up

I need to play nice. This past week I've been pretty much the socially challenged worker. All I can think about when I step in the office is "Must. Get. Work. Done." Then lunch, followed by, "Must. Get. Work. Done." And then it's 5.00 pm. And I can't wait to get out fast enough. I take the bus on the way home everyday because Mother always said, "Don't be a burden. Don't inconvenience anyone. Live."

The bus journey home maybe full of sights, delights and even acrid smelly stuff. But as I always am reminded by Mother, "Live."

So there I go again. Everyday, the same old journey. The same crass people you meet. The fake, plastic smiles you paint on your face. The same. The same. The same.

Truly. Live.

All right, I'll be frank

We were supposed to meet for lunch yesterday. You know to discuss our current situation and tie up loose ends so to speak. He bailed.

He was out of town for two weeks, business, he claimed. So when he got back the day before last, we made this lunch plan. Which didn't materialise, of course. I don't know who's more scared. I guess I am. Scared that we may not think on the same wavelength anymore. Scared that whatever our (or rather mine) decision will result in heartbreak and poisoned feelings.

Perhaps, this can wait. However, subsequently, we will have to deal with this issue. Gosh, what tangled web, we weave when we perceive nobody's looking.