It's the day before the start of Ramadhan. How time flies. Before you realised it, another year had passed. Things that I think would be mundane is not so bad these days. I guess having a somewhat balanced outlook of life is contributing to a higher level of tolerance at times.
I went to the Graduation slash Staff Appreciation Dinner last night. I had a complete make over with Mariam. As a result we arrived like super late for the dinner. It started out okay. We went out looking for dresses once Mariam had touched down from Indo. She got her dress from Mango and then we spent quite a bit of time looking for mine.
I had asked my darling if he prefers in a one piece or two piece outfit. Naturally his answer is a "No piece". Right. As if that is going to happen. Imagine how everyone would choke and barf their dinner if I had arrived in a "No piece". :D
So after getting our dresses, we went back to Mariam's friend's place for a makeover. The outcome ? Hahaha ... I like my painted face. I even put on a pair of heels. So I was definitely getting in the mood of the dinner. Previously, I would just grab whatever's in my wardrobe and not try to upstage the kids. But that was just the graduation dinner.
So after dinner, I had planned to go clubbing with Mariam and a few other people. However, because I was super late for dinner and darling was non too excited about going, I've decided to head on home. I was also exhausted after spending the day running around looking for a dress. Never would I had done that willingly if not for a chance to be a little different.
Seriously, my darling was super cheesed off with me. The thing was, Mariam and I had wanted to pick up my darling on our way to the dinner but because we had over extended our getting ready time, I had to ask him to go ahead first. This was after 45 minutes after dinner had started. I guess, I would be cheesed off too if the shoe's on the other foot.
Darling, I'm so, so sorry. However, I hope you liked the way I looked when I arrived. I know you do like me without my painted face but I want you to see a different me. I want you to be glad that I can clean up well. That I am not wholly bonded to my pair of pants and my flats and sneakers. I want to look good for you and have you proud of me. Not that I know you never had.
Finally, I want to thank you for spending this whole day with me. I am happy just being able to hang out with you.
*hugs*
silentscream Search
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Not working
I'm so not in the mood to work today. I started the morning with breakfast with D and R. It suddenly dawned on me that today shall be the last day I could have breakfast with my two favourite guys in the office. Next week, Ramadhan would have started and the lunch breaks would be spent stoning slash sleeping in a quiet corner. Hahaha ... The first few days of the fasting month's gonna be difficult until acclimatisation sets in.
After breakfast, I checked the mailbox after having not checked for a few days due to the busyness in ensuring the audit turned out okay. Once I'm done, I was just in time to catch the Teacher's Day concert at the Learning Centre. Funny shit clips and Alan's took the cake. Kudos to him for being brave enough to act as a Geisha, kimono, makeup and all. I like !!! I must check if this would turn up on YouTube and then I can link up the clip.
So now, I'm just back from lunch with R. We went to CoffeeBean at Rail Mall and I had the Eggs Ben. I love that breakfast set. I love the fact that we could get breakfast sets anytime of the day ! And you get coffee too ! I'm major full now. So I'm just gonna stone until the 5 pm bell goes.
More updates soon. Oh. The Graduation / Staff Dinner's tomorrow. No dress !!!
*panics*
After breakfast, I checked the mailbox after having not checked for a few days due to the busyness in ensuring the audit turned out okay. Once I'm done, I was just in time to catch the Teacher's Day concert at the Learning Centre. Funny shit clips and Alan's took the cake. Kudos to him for being brave enough to act as a Geisha, kimono, makeup and all. I like !!! I must check if this would turn up on YouTube and then I can link up the clip.
So now, I'm just back from lunch with R. We went to CoffeeBean at Rail Mall and I had the Eggs Ben. I love that breakfast set. I love the fact that we could get breakfast sets anytime of the day ! And you get coffee too ! I'm major full now. So I'm just gonna stone until the 5 pm bell goes.
More updates soon. Oh. The Graduation / Staff Dinner's tomorrow. No dress !!!
*panics*
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Updates and thank you notes
It's a pass. Hollow pass and all.
I'm sorry for the scare yesterday. To Younger Sister and Cheeky Monkey, thank you for your words of encouragement and understanding. Sometimes, I just needed a venting outlet. More often than not, putting it down in black and white helps me gain perspective.
Trust me when I say I would not do anything stupid. I love my life too much to end it suddenly. Unless of course it's time for me to go, that is.
I'm done with the surveillance audit. Two minor non conformities and three observations were picked up at the end of the full day audit. Thank you all for your support. D, R, Jeff, Ellen, Ian, Mr A, Stephen, Rakesh and Mitch. I must include you guys in my thank you speech. I don't think I could have maintained my sanity and composure without the extra help from behind. Thank you, again.
I'd just finished dinner with CM at his place. Played a bit of squash earlier on, my first time. Well, aside from looking like a berk in front of my dearest, I had a good time learning a new ball game. Thanks, honey.
Right then. I should head back soon. Spending a bit more time with my honey. We both were kinda down these couple of days. I'm trying my best to encourange my darling to not give up on us. Well, in a way by encouraging him, I am encouraging myself to not give up. We will fight the good fight as long as the love is within our grasp.
My readers, I love you guys. Do drop me a line or two whenever you can.
XXX
I'm sorry for the scare yesterday. To Younger Sister and Cheeky Monkey, thank you for your words of encouragement and understanding. Sometimes, I just needed a venting outlet. More often than not, putting it down in black and white helps me gain perspective.
Trust me when I say I would not do anything stupid. I love my life too much to end it suddenly. Unless of course it's time for me to go, that is.
I'm done with the surveillance audit. Two minor non conformities and three observations were picked up at the end of the full day audit. Thank you all for your support. D, R, Jeff, Ellen, Ian, Mr A, Stephen, Rakesh and Mitch. I must include you guys in my thank you speech. I don't think I could have maintained my sanity and composure without the extra help from behind. Thank you, again.
I'd just finished dinner with CM at his place. Played a bit of squash earlier on, my first time. Well, aside from looking like a berk in front of my dearest, I had a good time learning a new ball game. Thanks, honey.
Right then. I should head back soon. Spending a bit more time with my honey. We both were kinda down these couple of days. I'm trying my best to encourange my darling to not give up on us. Well, in a way by encouraging him, I am encouraging myself to not give up. We will fight the good fight as long as the love is within our grasp.
My readers, I love you guys. Do drop me a line or two whenever you can.
XXX
Lousy person
I'm an ingrate.
I take it as my God given right to sulk and pout and basically get pissed off with him. He who had been so kind to lend me the use of his home, computer and time. He who had been so kind to indulge me when all I deserve is a tight slap.
So here I am, at home trying to rationalise my actions earlier. Wasting precious time in unnecessary and skewed version of my truth. Am I trying to make it easier for him to hate me ? Or at least dislike me intensely ?
I need a hug and a kiss for the times I feel so lonely and alone. I'm feeling lonely and alone right now. I switched off my mobile, telling myself I can harden my heart and not miss his voice. And now, I'm weeping like a baby who's lost her anchor.
Why am I doing this to myself ? Why do I think I don't deserve happily ever after ? Why am I sabotaging myself ? Why do I think that I won't be missed when I am gone ? Why am I even thinking of dying now ?
Mood: Destructive to one's own interests aka suicidal
I take it as my God given right to sulk and pout and basically get pissed off with him. He who had been so kind to lend me the use of his home, computer and time. He who had been so kind to indulge me when all I deserve is a tight slap.
So here I am, at home trying to rationalise my actions earlier. Wasting precious time in unnecessary and skewed version of my truth. Am I trying to make it easier for him to hate me ? Or at least dislike me intensely ?
I need a hug and a kiss for the times I feel so lonely and alone. I'm feeling lonely and alone right now. I switched off my mobile, telling myself I can harden my heart and not miss his voice. And now, I'm weeping like a baby who's lost her anchor.
Why am I doing this to myself ? Why do I think I don't deserve happily ever after ? Why am I sabotaging myself ? Why do I think that I won't be missed when I am gone ? Why am I even thinking of dying now ?
Mood: Destructive to one's own interests aka suicidal
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
With love comes great battles
Who said that love is easy ? Falling in love may come easy for some. Staying in love is one of the most time consuming and abstruse act that one has to sustain.
To stay in love means to have tolerance and patience to make the relationship work. To stay in love means to discover the interesting and yet unknown facets of the other party. To stay in love means to be able to come together and tell the world that no matter what happens, I have chosen my mate and I will be with him for the rest of my natural life.
The idea of loving someone else is to have faith in life and the belief that you are a unit with him as you work your way through the trials of life. You ensure that the needs of the other party is taken care of. The wisdom to let him make his choices and understand that there is causality in his decisions.
CM told me that his dad had given him an ultimatum. To give him a peace of mind these few years in his life. To not bring shame to the family and completely sever all ties with me. To be with someone more suited as his life partner. In terms of religion, status and looks.
Even now, I'm still hurting from the obvious parental disapproval. I know I am not the perfect person I'd like to think I am. But I am perfect for him. I believe we are meant to be together.
Every day that I see him, I am contented. I am happy to see his face, with or without facial hair. I smile when I think of all the goofy things he did to cheer me up when I get into one of my moods. I am thankful that he is able and willing to guide and advise me so patiently.
After all that's been said and done, do we have the energies to fight for something that everyone thinks is wrong ?
To stay in love means to have tolerance and patience to make the relationship work. To stay in love means to discover the interesting and yet unknown facets of the other party. To stay in love means to be able to come together and tell the world that no matter what happens, I have chosen my mate and I will be with him for the rest of my natural life.
The idea of loving someone else is to have faith in life and the belief that you are a unit with him as you work your way through the trials of life. You ensure that the needs of the other party is taken care of. The wisdom to let him make his choices and understand that there is causality in his decisions.
CM told me that his dad had given him an ultimatum. To give him a peace of mind these few years in his life. To not bring shame to the family and completely sever all ties with me. To be with someone more suited as his life partner. In terms of religion, status and looks.
Even now, I'm still hurting from the obvious parental disapproval. I know I am not the perfect person I'd like to think I am. But I am perfect for him. I believe we are meant to be together.
Every day that I see him, I am contented. I am happy to see his face, with or without facial hair. I smile when I think of all the goofy things he did to cheer me up when I get into one of my moods. I am thankful that he is able and willing to guide and advise me so patiently.
After all that's been said and done, do we have the energies to fight for something that everyone thinks is wrong ?
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Work ...
If I want to live and survive.
If I want to zombify my existence.
If I want to contribute to society.
If I want to, I can NOT work.
Give me my holiday !
If I want to zombify my existence.
If I want to contribute to society.
If I want to, I can NOT work.
Give me my holiday !
Monday, August 25, 2008
You who thinks you know better
I am in denial. And full of delusions.
I need to think before I speak.
I need to think before I speak.
I need to think before I speak.
I kept wondering if all the acquiescence all these years was worth the mental breakdown now. I kept telling myself I've had enough of the empty promises and the placating words. And that enough is enough. That no one else can bully nor "strongly advise" me to do something I don't want to.
I am in need of a change. I need a change of lifestyle. I need a change of environment. I need a change of pace. I DEMAND my change to come soon. As soon as humanly possible.
So for now, I will just remember to breathe. Each breath as deeply as my lungs expand. I am praying for my sanity. I pray for patience and more tolerance to the people who don't understand. And as I pray, I pray for the strengthening of my bond with Cheeky Monkey.
Thank you for the stabilising factor in my life.
I *heart* you, loads.
I need to think before I speak.
I need to think before I speak.
I need to think before I speak.
I kept wondering if all the acquiescence all these years was worth the mental breakdown now. I kept telling myself I've had enough of the empty promises and the placating words. And that enough is enough. That no one else can bully nor "strongly advise" me to do something I don't want to.
I am in need of a change. I need a change of lifestyle. I need a change of environment. I need a change of pace. I DEMAND my change to come soon. As soon as humanly possible.
So for now, I will just remember to breathe. Each breath as deeply as my lungs expand. I am praying for my sanity. I pray for patience and more tolerance to the people who don't understand. And as I pray, I pray for the strengthening of my bond with Cheeky Monkey.
Thank you for the stabilising factor in my life.
I *heart* you, loads.