I am in a bit of a fix at the moment. I feel that I have so much more to offer the world at times and then there are moments when I feel the world is a much better place without me.
Met Ian on MSN, after the usual pleasantries, Ian mentioned that Eileen missed me at work. So I told him, no one really misses me anyway. I know because people (Eswari, Ruth and FM) said they missed me but they are not really missing me. Merely that my absence is out of the norm. What I mean is that people usually miss the normality of their life. Like me for instance, I miss work. I miss the normality of work. For the past 3 days, I have been able to lounge in bed longer than I usually could. I even managed afternoon naps when I know I shouldn't indulge in them. So anyways, people don't miss me. I am nothing but a plain wallpaper. Not even good enough for the kitchen, what more the living room ? Just consigned to a tiny corner in the loo. A small patch to cover the hairline cracks.
Am I sad of this fact ? Do I feel pity for myself ? Yes and no. Yes, because aside from my parents (and some days my sisters), I exist to NOT exist. No, because when I do leave, I won't break a lot of hearts. Afterall, when you were never really cared about, no one will miss you.
So I told Ian, the only reason I am trudging through the emptiness of my life is because of Mother. If she goes, then I will go too. No point in me staying on and having my heart broken everytime someone decides they don't love me anymore. I can't deal with that.
Oh.
I hear my notes shrieking out my name. Best, shut them up, yeah ? 
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