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Friday, July 16, 2004

I'm not a perfect person

Well.

It's official. I don't think I will skip classes ever again. At least not for Immunology. The lecturer we had this time round was not too bad. She was alright. No. Better than that. Maybe because I'd gone through a "nasty" lecturer while I was in TP doing Immuno. At least now I know, no one can be as horrid as CYY. No one liked him. Hmmm ... based on the personal poll I took. With the exception of say, WY. The other people I hanged out with dislike him with a fervor. Me included. But that was in the past. The future is now and I like what I sat through so I will do it again.

Just had a cleansing moment with an ex-colleague. I know I was nasty to her. I regretted the moments that I was. We were close the best part of last year. Sharing confidences. Though I must admit, at times I was really a horrible person. How can I ever be that person, I never knew. If I'm being honest with myself, I'd say I was jealous. The green-eyed monster bit me. Excuses, but it's a fact I realised upon reflection. I guess I thought how could anyone dare to be closer to the person I introduced them to than I was. Okay let me put it simply. How can the 2 very people who are my friends be so close, closer than I was with each ? Stupid excuse but well, rationality has no bearing when someone is consumed with too much of an emotion. GOD ! I was so stupid ! Why couldn't I just let it all go ? Why can't I just be grateful that on some tiny level, I'd brought 2 people together ? People who would never have anything in common in the first place. So I post this "sob" story to get some kind of absolvement. Now she's gone to another environment. I hope it will turn out to be much better for her there than it was here. She is kind enough to not make an issue out of it. I asked if we could start over and I have to say she has the right to decline my offer. Afterall I acted like a complete bitch towards her.

I'm melancholic. I missed my departed cats. Missed them so much I could cry. And I really wanna cry but I've got no valid reasons to. Guess when I'm all tucked in bed later, I'll say a prayer and a tiny sob for all the pain in the world. For all the people who had been hurt, knowingly or otherwise. I will remember that pain inflicted is pain received.


"A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God." -- Alan J. Perlis

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