Shoe shopping !

As we all know, I am not a shopping kinda girl. I just get what I need and zip out of the shops. Not so for today.

I was on duty today and so after work decided to meet the younger sis for a little makan. I have not seen her since the blow up with OM. I am stressed out and I need some kinda relief. Well, it helps that my performance bonus had been credited. For crying out loud I got more than a month's salary. I must have been doing something good at work.

So anyways, my shoes are what you call in a terrible state. My everyday pair, a pair of track shoes are torn at the sides and the soles are without anymore markings. So let's just say on rainy days, I have such a bitch time walking to get to the office.

The plan was not to exactly go shoe shopping. Just window shopping, thinking on how to spend the bonus. After disbursing to the parents and thinking of giving some to the kids, I figured, hey, get something nice for my lil' ol' sis. If not for her, then for the nephew about to be out in a few months time. Oh by the way, did I mention that my younger sis is preggers ? With a boy ! Yay ! Another nephew ! But I digress.

Initially, we went to Tampines Mall. This is after dinner, at least my dinner at Century Square. I missed lunch today. So decided to have something light and soupy. Mmmm.... Mee sua soup ... Light and refreshing. I truly recommend but the portion's kinda small for a starving mad woman (me.). So anyways, after the window shopping at Kiddy Palace, I suggested Swensen's for dessert cum ice cream. Then I got side tracked by Bata. Spending about 15/20 minutes and I'm ready for my dessert. The shop's so crowded ! No one to get assistance from. So the younger sis recommended White Sands for Swensen's.

So off we go, hopping on a train, a stop away. Excited beyond belief. Reached there, withdrew cash and hey, what do you know ? Another Bata shop ! So we skipped and hop (I did that, I admit. Pardon to the rest of the shoppers who thought they saw a mad woman in a shopping mall, skipping and hopping. Well. Mad is the word but I digress) to Bata. And four pairs of shoes later, I am one smiling, skipping, hopping mad woman !

Swensen's here we come. Uh-oh. What do we see there ? A line. A major line outside Swensen's. Why am I not surprised ? Ah, screw it. I want my cake and I want it now. So we popped by Mac Cafe for cake and overpriced coffee (chocolate for the sis). Well, we both ended up with choc drinks. Yummy ... *slurps*

And when the mom called, we decided to call it a day. A long day for me but a happy one nonetheless. And I have new shoes ! Four pairs !!!

I said, "No."

How could I've done that? She took the trouble to contact me. To recommend me to her supervisor. To invite and let me into their place of business. To provide me with a generous offer for the work I could do with my eyes closed and I still said no.

The reason ?

Some weird shit such as I'm getting better offer presently. Did I ? Fuck hell, no.

And I said no, to what could have been a turning point in my life. Granted I have so many other reasons and doubts swirling in my mind. Selfish, ungrateful cow. That's how I feel, that's who I am.

All I can do is thank you from the bottom of my heart. For thinking of me. For thinking so well of my capablities. I appreciate the recognition I got from you even though I may not have been as good as you think I was.

THANK YOU.

Shit ... my life is shit ...

Seemed to me like an open war. Heated arguments. Nasty words exchanged. And here I thought Fridays are supposed to be the blessed days. OMFG.

I am soooo depressed.

Of all words to use, that is nasty.

*breathe in* *breathe out*

Words will never kill me. It's only words.

*breathe in* *breathe out*

Mom's in the hospital

Argghhh ....

I thought it was just a routine checkup with her diabetes doc but it turned out to be something more. Apparently her blood test results came back with out of whack liver enzymes level. Ten freaking times higher than the normal range. Doc got panicky and so wanted to admit Mom.

I protested but that was just to get an explanation from the doc. If I hadn't done that he will never, ever explained why Mom had to be admitted. Arrange for the scans and such, just to make sure there is really nothing wrong with her liver. One after another. I am seriously in need of a good therapist. Any volunteers ?

So here I am after the day at the hospital. Tired, depressed, worried. What a day to spend my off day. However, all things happen for a reason. I know the reason and I hope I am wrong. So wrong, at least for this instance.

Will pop by to visit Mom tomorrow. Hopefully there will be good news on the horizon..

A trio

Finally we got to meet up. Planning ahead really didn't help matters because somehow or rather, something's bound to come up and disrupt.

Sam's in Singapore for almost a month already and yet, I have yet to meet up with him until today. He's flying back tomorrow so we had to cramp all the couple of years of non-meeting in under a few hours.

As usual, I was at work even though it's a Pub Hol here. Needed to clear some more work before term starts tomorrow. New year, new pile of shite. Although I've been approached by another to start on their pile of shite. Seriously considering the offer though.

So anyways, decided to meet Kav first before we head down to Suntec to meet dear Sam. I was pretty much slow, so I finally decided that I've had enough and completed the major tasks just after 2 pm. Even though we had promised to meet up with Sam at 3 pm ! Shite ! We are so gonna be late and Sam's soooo gonna be pissed. True to form, we were late.

As penance, I wanted to buy coffee and cake for all. Alas, Kav had the attack of the guilt too (even though, it wasn't her fault, really) and paid partial. She couldn't stay long as she had to go over to her aunt's place in Bedok. So after chatting and chatting, we made a move to Bedok. Took a long, circuitous bus ride back to Bedok from Katong. She alighted just before the Interchange and Sam decided that what fun it was to meet up with Daniel. Called him but he was out with some friends and invited us to come over. Note that by this time, dinner is in full swing and they just had some. So they were on the way to a dessert place and we decided to tag. It was okay. Kinda weird because we don't normally hang out with them in poly. But we knew them by face.

After sitting around for a fair bit and once dessert was done, they wanted to catch a movie. I can't as I need to be up early tomorrow so Sam I decided to head back to Parkway. We walked all the way, nice balmy night. I remember the times we had these walkies, just talking about our plans, his studies, my work (basically he nagged me to change jobs ... ;p). I was feeling a tad bit hungry because all I had for the day was the cake and coffee so went to BK. Concluded our late dinner and headed off home.

Hey Sam, have a safe trip home and I hope you get a place in NUS-Duke. Then you'd be back here for a more definite time and we can meet up as often as possible. Take care, yeah. :D

New Year, New Beginnings, New Relationships

I had hoped the passing of the 07 into 08 will be significant. Significantly different from 06 to 07. I got my hope. Different does not always mean bad, they say.

Well.

I had hoped that this will ring true for me. My hopes, shattered beyond any reasonable doubts. I'd been called names by the person I trusted most. I don't trust anymore. Everything is topsy turvy at the moment. I don't know who I can talk to.

Him, we are fairly new. He knows some, but not the big picture. Can I handle the concern in his eyes ? Can I not be the first one to breakdown and disburse the sordid details of my life ?

I pray for guidance. I pray for understanding. I pray for the strength and sanity of my spirit. Most of all, I pray for whom I hold dear and love will be safe and happy.