Have a little bit of faith

I so want that. That picture of a happy family, where whatever your heart desires is there. Out there for the taking. And then there is the flip side. The flip where everything seemed to be quite the opposite of what you want. The side where you are always fighting. Fighting your demons. Fighting your love. Fighting, fighting, fighting.

So the question is always, "What do you want?".

Damn if I know.

I remember a fleeting dream as I was waking up this morning. There was going to be a new addition to the family. Something that made me unreasonably happy and yet the profound sadness came as soon as I was feeling elation. Somehow my subconscious mind knew it was nothing but a dream. Something to entertain me whilst the physical being slumbers.

 Sorry. I wish I had that faith. 

Journaling 2025

 I was reading this book, The Art of Taking It Easy by Brian King and in one of his chapters, he wrote about journaling and how that can increase your gratitude and in turn help you feel better and reduce your stress. I have been journaling for a good part of my life and I must admit I do enjoy the writing (or in this case, typing) down my thoughts and feelings. Having done the pen and paper method, I do quite enjoy reading back on what happened on that day so many years back. I do admit, some entries felt forced as I had felt that I must write something on that day. I must not miss a day!

I used to write regularly here as well and hey. Last entry was in 2021. And we are coming up to the end of 2025! So much things have happened and maybe, just maybe I will write about something that happened earlier. Be it while remembering the day or maybe just to journal.

In any case, I am rediscovering my love for reading and I have expanded my reading materials too. I am now reading a lot more of SingLit, Singapore Literature. I have been telling people it's more to reminisce of the  times from when I was growing up. To be more in touch with the thoughts and ideas portrayed in the stories written when I was much younger. Funny, how I always feel I am older than my chronological age. And now with the physical ailments catching up on my mental age, I am definitely my age. Albeit, a tad bit older physically.

I hope to continue this journaling business and I hope with the blog just a link away on my gmail account, I will find the time to sit down, collect my thoughts and type away. For now, thank you. For giving me the attention. :)

It was while I was updating the OS...

Tick tock

Tick tock

Ticking off

Tocking about

Tick Tock

Tick   Tock

Tocking off

Ticking about!  

Being “too” clever..

Just a thought when I was writing my other journal that today is:

The first day

Of the last month

In the twentieth year

Of the 2K.

Clever, yes?

When all is said and done

I think I may have used this same blog title some years back. What the mind does then and now seems to be similar. You go through cycles of up and down and left and right and you would like to think that what you thought then is justified and entitled. Do you? Do you feel that you are justified or entitled and want to push this sense of righteousness around? Lord it over people and say that I am entitled to have this feelings, to say what I can and behave as I do. Do you?

I like to think that I am not like this, that I am more sane than insane, more wise than foolish, more humble than proud. But I am not. I think I am not a good human being if I don't have those flashes of irrationality. My only wish is that I am more than that flashes of "the opposite of rational". I feel sad that I sometimes are more careful with my words for the people I dislike than with the people I love. I have that ego thing to tamp down. To make sure I don't lose face and to assert my right to be, well, right.

I need to believe that my compassion does not mean weakness and that I will be heard whether I speak in a normal tone or in my loud voice. I need to show passivity is a strength. Never a weakness.

Random Mumblings

Positive words reinforces positive feelings.

What is the colour of your thoughts?

Hey

Wow! I forgot that this is still out there. There for reminiscing the times I had to share. I have neglected this so badly. I used to blog all the time. I now write them down in a book. A book I've now kept close to my heart. A book that detailed the last 8 months. Yes, I've started it only recently and I feel like a whole new life had happened.

I got the official papers signed. I've also lost someone close to my heart. A couple of cats said Adios to our family and life is never gonna be the same anymore. So many things have changed and you would like to say that changes are good but if they are why do they cause so much upheavals and uncertainty. Surely that means changes are not always a welcome sight.

I hope I'd visit this sometime. Not wait another 2 years for another update.

Old new things

I am better, in case you are wondering. I am slightly out of that bad space and inching my way out even further. Thank you for thinking the good thoughts for me.

As I sit here, waiting for time to pass, I had a thought. Like my obsession with being "lost". Lose my thoughts in the insignificant. Lose my moment for that 3 seconds in my favourite part of the song. Lose my inhibitions and get things done. It's ongoing and the hangups are so insurmountable. I need to be free of this.

I cannot even write coherently. I guess, that's when I close this post.

What the flamingo

You know, I always try to exude positive vibe when I post on this page. I just feel that when I look back on this day (or other days) in the future, I will be able to feel and understand what I had felt that led me to write the way I did.

I am sad today. Sad for the most part of this week, in fact. It's the last week of school where I work and it should be fun and nice and relaxing with 3 weeks of holidays, the whole place empty of its occupants. And yet I feel sad. I am sad for a number of reasons. I am sad.

I will try to not be so sad but I am sad.

Sharing is caring

Just reading through some tips and came across this. Sharing with anyone and everyone who may feel that they are having a hard time getting through the work day. Good luck!

Heal The Pain

"How can I help you?
Please let me try to
I can heal the pain
That you're feeling inside"

Lyrics: George Michael

The genius of the man. Listening to his beautiful voice and meaningful lyrics on my iPod. Rest in peace.

Feeling Blue

You can say it's one of those days. You can say it's that time of the month. You can probably say it's just the beginning of the year. How you say it still does not change the fact that I am feeling down, low, moody, depressed. How you say it also does not change the fact that I am in a place where I don't like what I do, how I feel and why I just want to hide in a corner.

Leave me alone and leave me be. I hate myself right now.

I, Hel

It's been such a long time since I last logged in and posted here. I had neglected the space I had once adored. I am sorry. It's been such a long time since I had updated my readers. My life is such that it's impossible to try to put in to words. Busy with work. Busy with life. Busy.

I miss the daily chats I have over the digital line. To show you that a simple person like me is simply happy to live my life. Cheers to all.

Many memories has since passed. Many more to come and I will do my best to have the chats I once have with this adored space.

Welcome back, Hel.

Happy 59th, Darling..

Singularly we are one. Together we are one. One, 59 months ago. One forever..
Love you, Sayang.

Sikuru

Beloved baby girl, rest in peace.

Juma'at will miss you and thank you always for bringing you guys into our fold. We love you always.

Mommy, Daddy & Nani.

Sick Little One

Ma rang earlier this morning. Sikuru is not well. She had not drank her milk and she didn't want to move around much. Ma was worried so she quickly took Sikuru to the vet's.

Baby girl had a high temp so vet gave her a jab. According to Ma, she was sleeping and resting the whole trip.

She seemed fine now. Walking around albeit with general lethargy. She was also given some meds for tomorrow. Juma'at was just being his active self so Ma separated both for fear that he will come down with whatever is afflicting her.

Dear was suggesting we stay over tonight just to make sure. I decided against it as I needed to do some laundry at the other home.

Worry, you bet. Poor, ickle one..

Back at work

The house is open today. Kids started streaming in from yesterday. We got bombarded with email from worried parents.

I just popped in the office for a bit to sort out a new arrival. Dear had came by much earlier to pick up some of the kids from the airport, by request. No one else seemed to care much if the younger ones arrived okay.

Anyways, once the newbie gets sorted out, I am off home. I start early from tomorrow. Need the beauty snooze.

Enjoy the lovely Sunday !

He acts up again

I am pissed. Angry, hurt and most of all betrayed.

Of all the stupid things he had to do is that. I suspected as much the minute he had wanted to visit the doctor in Eunos.

Seriously ? How many times must this happen ? How many more episodes of hurt and harm must he carry out.

Mother had told me to ignore his silliness. Just let him suffer the consequences but how can you ?

Every single time !!

I am pissed. Really and truly unhappy with his actions.

The Friday before the Mad House starts again..

What can I say, it had been a pretty restful break.

What with the "enforced" rest for the ankle.

Maybe it's true what people say. We always get what we don't wish for.

Have a great Friday. Us signing out from the office now..

Random photos from my mobile gallery

My favourite food at OldTown White Coffee Cafe. Its soup is so mild and refreshing. I am a fan of instant noodles !