Ask me what I think I can do better in my life and I would answer, make my mother happier. I think I am never good enough to be here. Sometimes self doubt overcomes me and I feel like the most useless person ever to walk this space and time. Ask me again why I am not more than me. And I would answer, my best will never be present because I am not brave enough to show to anyone.
The fear, jealousy and anger inherent makes me a very horrible person at times. I feel like I am unlikable. That people show "likeness" because of the code of behaviour as dictates by society.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should not have been too petty. Maybe I could say I'm sorry. Maybe I should not have been too bitchy. Maybe I should have not been educated. Maybe I should just not be out in the open. I can't deal with people but I crave the contact. I want the easy laughs and push off all the negativities. I need people to understand that sometimes I make the demands because I never had a chance to do them. I may behave like a royal bitch sometimes, but I am just venting out. Excuses ? Maybe. Even yes sometimes. I just never got to do things my way before.
So I apologise for the uncalled for insults. Sorry for the cuts my words may have done to you, Fie. I am such a cow, sometimes. I never did think before I shoot my mouth off. I thought you'd accept it good naturedly but I guess I went too far. Surpassed your tolerance level and what do you know ? The conscience almost killed me. So.
Life's too long to make enemies. And to throw away 10 years of good friendship is just plain silly. Stupid even. All I'm asking for is a little courtesy. That once in a while you do remember that we were once friends.
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